Do you live near your family?

TeaLover

This is my first post, I am having a bit of a dilemma about moving away from my family (about 500 miles).

I wondered how close other people live to their parents/children and does it bother you? What is the reason for living further away and do you think it has affected your relationship with your family?

My parents are very against the idea and I can understand them being upset but I dont think I should let that stop me from going.

What do you think are your pro's and con's about moving away from your home town?

Thanks:)

mountainofdebt

I know someone who moved away from her family due to a job offer and I know she has found it hard sometimes, especially during when a family member had a terminal illness.

My sister also moved away, also due to a job offer, and I know my mum misses seeing the grandchildren, although in fairness when she does visit she probably sees more of them (if that makes sense) than if they lived nearer. tbh the next thing I'm going to buy mum is a webcam because whilst she does visit / talk to them frequently I know she would like to see them more.

Bananabelly

I have lived most of my adult life 8,000 miles or more from my family and it's better that way! It does affect the relationship, you miss out a little bit on the day to day stuff, but Skype makes things a lot easier. I moved away to see the world and deliberately wanted to live other places. My parents understood though and were fairly supportive (I had always made it pretty clear I wanted to see the world). Occasionally it seems like a long way, for example when someone in the family is unwell or there is a death, etc. But actually most of the time very little changes. You are only thinking about moving 500 miles, so if necessary you could drive or fly back pretty quickly if there was a crisis.

The pros I would see is that if you have always lived close to your family you will gain a lot of independence, and spread your wings a bit. You don't say why you are moving or how old you are, but assuming it is for a sound reason like a nice job offer, I would go for it. You have to do what is best for you (not your parents), so don't let their fear of losing you stop you from going.

thorsoak

When my parents married (in 1930s) they moved from their families and friends in Scotland down to SE England, although during the war, my mother moved back up to be near her family whilst my father was in the RAF (and he was based at one of the scottish bases). In 1946, they returned to the S-East.

Fast forward 15 or so years, and I married. My OH grew up in the Midlands, but was working in London. At that time, there was a difference of £500 between the cost of buying a house in the area that I grew up and one in Essex - and as OH was based on the east side of the City, we moved to Essex - no family near, no M25 then - and we had our family with long-distance grandparents, aunts & uncles.

Fast forward another 30 years. Our DD (only one of 4 children) announced that her OH has the chance of a really good job ....in Singapore! What could we say or do? It was only what we and our parents had done before. So we've become long-distance grandparents - DGS was born in Singapore, and DGD was born in Tokyo. They now live in USA.

One son took the same path - he's now offshore too - and were long distance grandparents to another 3 DGDs. Of our other two sons, no children yet - but even so one of them has moved to the Midlands for his job and that of his partner!

Personally, I think I'm closer to my siblings than a lot of people who see theirs every day (and who fall out with them every other day) - I speak to them all every couple of days - and if we had a problem one or other of them would come running, just as I would to them. Our children are also close - they know that you have to work at long-distance relationships!

thorsoak

Would also say - Facebook can be your friend in these circumstances - think I'm in touch not only with my own children, but also nephews & nieces more!

geri1965_2

I live about 10 miles away from my mum and dad and it suits me just fine. They are near enough to see whenever I want to (usually every couple of weeks) but not too close to be in each other's pockets.

I do wish my sisters were a little closer, one of them is 130 miles away and the other is 30 miles away (but 3 bus rides to get there).

TeaLover

Thanks for the replies so far, I am 25 and my OH is 26 we are moving to be nearer OHs family who we get on really well with and because we like that part of the country. At the moment we live about two hours away from my parents so we dont see them that much anyway.

I did think of trying to get my mum to get a webcam and use skype as that would help I think. I think the hardest thing will be if/when there are children in the picture then my parents will miss out on that, but as someone said we will see them for longer when we do visit rather than just going for the afternoon.

LuceB84

I live about 30 miles away from my mum and dad which is fine for me. Theyre close enough to see them often enough but i don't have them popping round all the time! I moved away from my home town 5 years ago as its a very touristy place and theres hardly any property to rent at a reasonable price. I don't particularly like the place i live at the minute but i can't afford to move. My older sister lives out in Tenerife and has done for the last 7 years, i miss her like crazy as i only see her maybe once a year. I miss her even more now she's got a little boy as i havn't even met him yet and his nearly one. We do have a better relationship now than what we did when we lived at home together.

**confuzzled**

TeaLover wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far, I am 25 and my OH is 26 we are moving to be nearer OHs family who we get on really well with and because we like that part of the country. At the moment we live about two hours away from my parents so we dont see them that much anyway.

I did think of trying to get my mum to get a webcam and use skype as that would help I think. I think the hardest thing will be if/when there are children in the picture then my parents will miss out on that, but as someone said we will see them for longer when we do visit rather than just going for the afternoon.

I live 100miles away from my family, it hasn't affected my relationship with immediate family much as a pp said if anything we see them more when we're up for a weekend than if we were a few streets away! Although we are a close family and I'm normally on the phone to my parents at least twice a week:)
I can honestly say it's never really bothered me, however, now that I'm expecting our 1st child that's changed! My parents will miss out on so much(can't fit some stuff into a weekend:() whereas my ILs will get to do/see everything with baby and this I'm struggling with:o:o also my Mum has recently been diagnosed with cancer and I'm finding it hard:(
I have finally persuaded hubby to move to the other end of the city we live in just so I'm 30mins closer to my hometown and a little bit further away from the ILs:o(don't get me wrong! we get on great & I love them to bits but they're not my parents IYSWIM)..and the schools are better;):)...I know it doesn't sound like much but it helps me feel a bit better:) and it means we won't have the upheaval of looking for new jobs etc, only downside is waiting til we can afford to move now!

Have you thought about moving halfway between the 2 areas?? Could be a compromise and you won't be too close to the ILs;):rotfl:

Nixer

We are about 20 miles from my mother and 2.5 hours (but not many miles - we are Hants and she is Isle of Wight but there's ferry faff) from partners mum. Partner's parents used to live 4 miles away but they moved a couple of years ago. I was a bit annoyed at the time as, since my mum was widowed she expects a fair amount of help/running around (she cannot drive) and I knew the same thing would happen with partner's parents eventually. Sadly it was sooner rather than later - his dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer end June and died mid August. The travel does not help - I feel as if I have been shuttling between home and theirs constantly for the last couple of months and ought to take out shares in the ferry company.

Another thing to bear in mind is that when you visit overnight, as opposed to seeing them for a couple of hours, it's a different dynamic. The first time we went over to IOW was the first time I'd spent more than a few hours at once in my partner's mum's company, and I found it incredibly trying.

Having said that, I didn't mean that to be doom-mongous or off putting. If you really wanted to do it and you didn't do it purely because your parents guilt tripped you, you'd always wonder what might have been. But just be aware that the distance never makes it easier when things go wrong, so maybe have a think about contingency plans for if you do need to get back in a hurry.

hngrymummy

We live about 100ish miles from my parents and 200ish miles from DH parents. I have a brother who lives in a different country and one who lives about 30miles away. I still feel really close to my parents, and as close as I've ever been to my brothers My first call when I'm struggling, or when something's gone wrong, or when something exciting has happened, is still usually still my mum. I love my family to bits, and find that I get on with them better when I don't see them every day.

One of my friends lives a mile from her parents and about 5 miles from her inlaws. I can see the advantages, as her family are there to help with the children, and get to see them regularly. I'm a bit sad that I won't have that level of support. And it's now getting to the point where my parents look older every time I see them. It's because they're getting old, obviously, but I seem to notice it more now that I'm not seeing them every day.

I can see both sides of this. I moved to be with DH, and I love him very much and wouldn't be without him. I also love my parents, and a little bit of me is a bit sad that they are so far away. Thank goodness for telephones and the internet and digital cameras.