Bridesmaid issues.............UPDATED

supa-girl

When I was a bm for my sister I accepted it was her Day and her choice. She chose a dress which was not very forgiving in terms of colour and cut and I had just had a baby but I swallowed it - it gave me the incentive I needed to hit the gym hard and make sure I didn't look like a fat frump in it!! LOL! Ultimately if I had felt uncomfortable then I would have declined to be a bm, I certainly wouldn't have dreamed of demanding she change the style and colour to suit me!!

Thats said I did have free reign in terms of shoes and hair - the only stipulation was cream coloured shoes and hair up rather than down. My sister got me some gold and cream flowers that she would like me to have in my hair in some way or other and it was upto me and my hairdresser how we incorporated them.

I think you need to sit down and tell her straight a) what is non negotiable and b) what you are willing to compromise on and then ask if she still wnats to be your bm with those things in mind. The vball is in her court then.

SG

poppyscorner

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I was a bridesmaid for both my sisters and both times had quite a bit of say in how I looked (how I wanted my hair, whether I wanted in with the make-up artist, choice of shoes etc), but I was always aware that it was their day and if they'd specifically asked for me to wear or do something then I was in no place to argue with them.

Yeah I've asked that they have their hair and makeup done by the artists at least in a trial they choose the styles etc I really don't mind but thought it would be a nice treat for us all to spend the time together before hand. But also said if they hated what the stylists did and preferred their own look I was fine with that too.

When she kicked off about the shoes I asked her to see if she could find something she liked she said she wants to wear trainers she's just being childish.

xx

bubbles0169

poppyscorner wrote: »

Sorry bubbles don't quite understand the question :rotfl:think i'm having a blonde day !!

Do you mean like accessory colours ? They are silver lol

xx

lol thats ok i have them every day!
i ment where are you having the black and red theme? table decorations? invitations? dresses? all of the above?

Magicboo

Sorry to sound selfish, but it's so nice to hear someone else having trouble with their sister/bridesmaid!
My problem is slightly different, she is my older sister and truly believes that the oldest sibling should marry before the next one down does. Therefore, me being the younger sister has stolen her place and also she has been with her OH for 6 years and is desperate to marry, but he won't ask her. I really do feel for her, because all she's ever wanted is to get married and have babies, but I can't put my life on hold whilst waiting for her to "get there first"!
Therefore whenever I bring up the subject of the wedding, she either changes the subject or tells me how what I'm doing it wrong! We have hardly spoken since I became engaged (Feb this year). Like you, poppyscorner I want her as my BM, (I have avoided the MOH term) because she is my sister and I love her, but I am really worried she'll be a total sour puss on the day and put a downer on it because she is upset it's not her .
Oh the joys of organising a wedding! Loving the fact that I'm marrying a gorgeous man though

missknixon

Hate to say this but I have taught 4 yr olds less demanding! We are having very much a red and cream colour scheme - my dress is red - I think it looks amazing. There is black in there now too as I am having a BM, which I wasn't, and she has seen a dress she likes! If you want her to do something she should be honoured to be doing it! I know my BM is delighted to have been asked!

poppyscorner

bubbles0169 wrote: »

lol thats ok i have them every day!
i ment where are you having the black and red theme? table decorations? invitations? dresses? all of the above?

lol ah I get you now

I would say its mainly black but the red is gonna be incorporated into shoes, flowers, invites, table decs but not the dresses, red is my favourite colour.

When we started planning it was going to be just black and ivory obviously for my dress the red coming into it is a fairly new thing but I actually can't believe I didn't think of it earlier I also think it looks really striking.

And here's a secret I absolutely must have red shoes for me too I've got such a thing about them (you may have guessed that already lol I have a pair at home that I bought recently on ebay red or dead ones origionally £80 but bought brand new with price labels on for £13 inc postage) but shhhhhh no - one knows that yet.

poppyscorner

missknixon wrote: »

Hate to say this but I have taught 4 yr olds less demanding! We are having very much a red and cream colour scheme - my dress is red - I think it looks amazing. There is black in there now too as I am having a BM, which I wasn't, and she has seen a dress she likes! If you want her to do something she should be honoured to be doing it! I know my BM is delighted to have been asked!

I really toyed with the idea of a red dress they look stunning in the end i've gone ivory but I still look at them sometimes and wonder :cool:

xx

Magicboo

I was going to get red sparkly shoes, like Dorothy, but now I have red silk shoes with "bubbles" all over them (another ebay bargain £9 inc postage!) and I am going to make some big bows to go on the back of them :T But sshhh! Mine are a secret too!!

missknixon

poppyscorner wrote: »

I really toyed with the idea of a red dress they look stunning in the end i've gone ivory but I still look at them sometimes and wonder :cool:

xx

I toyed with the idea of ivory/white/ traditional but I don't suit pale colours. I always wear nice bright colour so have kept that going. We have different shades of red through everything. I love red so why shouldn't I! I had a foot stamping moment when people suggested it was wrong to get married in red! I stood up tall (well all 5ft3 of me) and told them that's what I am having! I also have 3 pairs of red shoes for the day!!!! :D:D

bubblegum26

The name Bridesmaid says it all maid of the bride she is suppose to be there to help and support you throughout you day, a matron/Maid of honour is only the name for a married or more mature Bridesmaid.

My advice would be to tell her that this is what you want (shoes, dress etc), that you really want her to be a part of your day and you can't keep compromising or it's not going to be the wedding you've dreampt of and say if she feels that she can't be a part of that you'l have to accept that she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid and altho ur hurt it'l be better in the long run don't let her turn your weeding into a nitemare.

I went to a red & black wedding where the bride was wearing ivory with black embroidery on the dress and the bridesmaids in red and black, the groom and groomsmen were in black trousers and waistcoats and red shirts. It was a gorgess wedding the colours went together fantastically. Good Luck.