Bridesmaid issues.............UPDATED

poppyscorner

Hi Guys,

Wondering if anyone can help with this /anyone has any experience of it....................

When we got engaged I asked my sister to be my maid of honour we're not fabulously close and completely different people BUT she is my kid sister and I love her she is 24yrs old.

She was delighted and agreed immediately ................. since then she's been a complete nightmare tbh

I am booking for all of my bridesmaids and myself to have hair and makeup trials and also get it done on the day (paid for by us) she kicked off about it said she wanted her own hairdresser and wasn't having anyone else touch her I've let this go for now

I took her bridesmaid shopping with one of my other bridesmaids (my best friend) she moaned the whole time refused to try them on and hated everything. My best friend has been with me every step of the way coming to everything with me even down to chair covers flowers etc the same day as the dress shopping my best friend tried on a dress and I loved it it was exactly what I wanted my sister started shouting at me in the middle of the store about how much she hated it because it had buttons at the back and she was not wearing that under any circumstance feeling very embarrassed I left the shop soon after but was quietly fuming. I let this go and found another dress that I liked and I got my best friend to try on I loved that one even more and my best friend loves it too. I asked my sister to come see it she twisted her face and hasn't seen it yet.

I have told her I need her too at some point in the next 2 weeks she has grudgingly agreed.

I found some bridesmaid shoes earlier this week again she has kicked off she is not wearing them they are too high she would rather wear nothing again my other two bridesmaids are ok with them and we have now had a row.

I told her she was being unreasonable and I can't just keep changing everything to suit her she said she doesn't see how she is unreasonable when she is getting a dress that she hasn't even seen and she is NOT wearing the shoes. We haven't spoken since earlier this week.

I do want her to be my bridesmaid but I can't keep having this she just shouts at everything I say and I can't cope with it I am quite quiet and reserved where she is mouthy and loud and doesn't care what she says to people.

I need to fix this but don't know how I only want her to wear the shoes for the ceremony and photos after that she can do what she likes I don't really mind she has told my parents that I ordered her to wear the shoes all day and thats not how it was at all my dad has just visited and asked me about it so I told him the tale and obviously what I said was a very different version to what he'd already heard.

My OH says she is being ridiculous and to tell her that if she won't wear them then she is not being bridesmaid I think thats a bit harsh tbh and I don't want to say that to her but I am at the point where I am sick of her diva demands lol

Best friend says I should tell her I really want her to be my bridesmaid but I can't keep changing everything to suit her and I only want her to wear the shoes for a few hours and if she can't do it would she rather not be a bridesmaid ............

I feel really stuck i'm infuriated by her but still want her with me IYKWIM anyone got any advice ?

Sorry for long post xx

Cookiemonster24

I can only say one thing,this is your day and things should be how you want them to be,not what your sister demands?
I had a similar problem in that my bridesmaid was my daughter and I specifically asked her to hang off getting anymore tattoos,which she agreed to a few months later she posted on fb her new tattoo's and hadn't even told me,we got into a big fight over it and people on here suggested I let it go etc,but this was my big day,so I dropped her as my bridesmaid(there were other issues too)and I couldn't keep changing things for her,now she is beingmy witness and if for whatever reason she decides not to come,then thats ok cause I'll find another witness,but if she was my bridesmaid still and dropped out at the last mo,everything would have been wasted.
I know this might sound really harsh but I don't regret my decision at all and you must do whats right for you,if your sister isn't happy with things,thats tough,imo:)
Hope this helps a little?
x

maggie111

Playing devil's advocate post:

It sounds like the bridesmaid you rave about you'd actually rather have as your MOH and perhaps your sister is feeling this and this is why your sister is getting cross.

The MOH would traditionally be the one to consider first in the pecking order with dresses, shoes, hairstyles etc and it sounds like you're agreeing things with your bridesmaid and then telling your sister what to do?

Obviously, I can understand why you're doing it and I don't think you're being unreasonable. I just wonder if your sisters tantrums could be down to this?

When are you getting married?

poppyscorner

maggie111 wrote: »

Playing devil's advocate post:

It sounds like the bridesmaid you rave about you'd actually rather have as your MOH and perhaps your sister is feeling this and this is why your sister is getting cross.

The MOH would traditionally be the one to consider first in the pecking order with dresses, shoes, hairstyles etc and it sounds like you're agreeing things with your bridesmaid and then telling your sister what to do?

Obviously, I can understand why you're doing it and I don't think you're being unreasonable. I just wonder if your sisters tantrums could be down to this?

When are you getting married?

Hey thanks for the reply,

I knew I should have been clearer lol I have made a point throughout of asking my sister first if she would come to things with me she always says no she's busy it doesn't really matter when I arrange it she works part time (2x nightshifts perweek) and I am a fulltime student nurse so I have to fit things in when I can but have always tried to make dates when I know she is around she still refuses to come.

When I was first venue shopping I had an appointment on a wednesday afternoon she had stacks of notice and then said at the last minute she wasn't coming as she was going to the pub with her mates.

I have tried with her but I can't make her come and wouldn't dare try either :rotfl:

I take my best friend because my sis refuses to come and OH works all week and he likes me to find a few options and then we make final decisions together.

We get married 5th November next year so quite a bit of time yet

xx

bride2be2012

Oh my goodness, your sister sounds exactly like my little sister, so I know exactly what you are going through!

We've only gone dress shopping once (both her and my other bridesmaid who is my best friend) and she was a nightmare..showed no interest, demanded I bought her lunch coz I'd dragged her up town on a Saturday morning etc. I'm planning on getting my bridesmaids dresses of e-bay as I'm on a tight budget, if I e-mail her a pic of a dress I like then it either gets ignored or she e-mails back another one way over budget (she knows what the budget is!).

Thought asking her to be bridesmaid might bring us closer together, but hasn't unfortunately. I've stopped talking about the wedding when she's around as I'm fed up with her looking down her nose at every suggestion or idea we have.:(

shellsuit

Get the dresses you want and get the shoes you want.

Tell your sister that is her outfit for the day.

If she doesn't like it, tell her she can wear something else but she has to buy it and if it doesn't match the others, it's tough and not your fault if she looks the odd one out and doesn't look like a bridesmaid.

moneysaver12

Sorry to hear that you are having problems. Its your day and its up to you what dresses your bridesmaids wear. I would get the dresses and shoes that you like. If she doesn't like it then i wouldn't have her as your bridesmaid.

gandy

when i was bridesmaid for my sis the only stipulation she had was we got the same dress. my sister was kind enough to tell me that i didn't have to get shoes the same as the other two bridesmaids (who picked mad high heels i wouldn't have been able to walk in) but just as long as they were the same colour as the dress.

seeing as the bridesmaid dresses were long and you could only really see the tips of the shoes this worked out really well anyway.

maybe you could try this out with you sister and see if she would be okay with this (although i think you'll definitely have to point out they have to be heels and the same colour as the other bridesmaids / dress but other than that the height is up to her!)

if she's still being a stroppy little brat (because thats what she sounds like) i'd tell her that if she doesn't start co-operating she's welcome to forgo being a bridesmaid and just come as a guest.

i know it might not be what you want but honestly do you want to have a huge fight on your wedding day if your sister doesn't want to have pictures taken but wants to be at the bar drinking instead? or something else comes up that she's not happy with and she causes a row? it might be better to sit her down and see if she's going to be responsible enough to be bridesmaid on your wedding day so you can be focused on you rather than worrying if your sister is going to cause a scene.

emz118

I am very lucky to have 2 lovely friends to be my MOH and bridesmaid and my little sister who will be 11.
The older girls have both said they will wear pretty much whatever I ask them to. I have already said that I would like them to get their own shoes, and will choose a colour, then they can have whatever heel etc they fancy.
I know one of them never ever wears heels, so it would be silly to ask her to.
My friend had her BM's wear their own shoes, and it looked fine. To be honest I didn't even notice what shoes they were wearing!!!

If I were in your situation I would have to say to her that if she didn't want to be my MOH I'd rather she said, as she seems to be against every suggestion and I would like her to enjoy the day, even if that means attending in another role.

A few weeks ago I was talking to my BM and she seemed to be a bit funny about the wedding so I asked if there was a problem and it was just that she was nervous about being centre of attention (kind of) I said to her that I would rather she enjoyed it and I wouldn't be offended if she said no. She then came back to ome the next day and said she was being silly and she wanted to be my bridesmaid. It's much happier now!

Hope you get it sorted out!

jenhug

choose something really horrendous for her to try on, get your best mate in on it, and both of you really gush over how fab it is, then try on a nice dress and pretend its just "ok" she might like it then? who knows! She sounds like a nightmare!

poppyscorner

Thanks for all the advice everyone

We're still at loggerheads unfortunately

I spoke to her following my posting here I told her I loved her and I really wanted her to be my bridesmaid and I am asking her to wear the shoes for 2 hrs max she can change after if she liked she was about to argue with me when I said to her what did she think I should do and I brought up all of her behaviour so far and this is the thing I am not prepared to change she is refusing to even try the shoes on.

She initially said nothing and then launched into a slagging off of my wedding saying she thinks its ridiculous that shoes are important and she doesn't agree with my colour scheme (red and black do not go apparently) I dropped her off at home and said no more.

I saw her again at my mothers house today she was full of herself still saying she isn't doing it blah blah blah

I now just feel like I don't wanna waste my money on her I don't see why I should she is behaving like a brat I am absolutely furious with her I'm not changing things to suit her stubbornness I'm currently trying to work out how to tell her I don't want her to be my bridesmaid anymore I can't handle the stress (but still arguing with myself that that is not nice and I shouldn't do that) I am just gobsmacked at how she is behaving.

Sorry if thats a rant just feel sad and really really cross xx