why did it get this bad?

southernscouser

earwig wrote:

this is not just about this threed

what is going on in here in the past couple of weeks if someone hasnt gone softly softly with someone then every one is jumping on them

i know martin has asked us to be suportive of people who post on here but the above is a joke yung hasnt said anything rude and tbh yung has proberly got it spot on

it is helpful if that how the op has got into the situation they are in becomeing awear of your mistakes are the first steps to sorting them i dont think the above post is the kind of thing martin was worried about i think its more the type of people what come on here totaly slate someone for beening in debt and offer nothing in return

i may well be wrong and if i am im sure people on here will tell me but from what i can see yung has said nothing wrong its just poeple dont agree with what been said and start jumping up and down like a two year old about it ican understand if it was rude offenceive and uncalled for but it wernt it was just what yung thought and when i last looked it was called freedon of speach so please stop jumping on people for silly coments like above and save it for the really nasty ones

to the op i am not saying i agree with yung coments but yung is entilled to say as yung feels and i am sorry for saying the above on your threed i hope you can sort it out but have you tried speaking to your mortage lenders about paying it a bit late or paying double next month

But what did yungs post acheive? What was the purpose of it? Whenever someone comes on here asking for help should one of the first things we say to them be 'you are in this mess because of your lack of self discipline?'

Sure we explain to them that they are living beyond their means but how does that comment actually help someone. If we all posted like that the OP would never get any help. Thats what this board is not about.

And as far as I'm aware no-one has been jumping up and down like a 2 year old!

Yung said he didn't intentionally set out to offend or upset anyone and I believe him. I just don't see why his post was necessary and said as much.

It's called freedom of speech! :rolleyes:

southernscouser

Dear MoneySavers....

Debt Free Wannabee is one of my favourite boards on this site. It's also one which runs a delicate balance. Many people who have serious debts have hidden them for a time, been scared to confront them, suffered depression or have even had suicidal thoughts because of them.

While elsewhere on the site robust discussion is welcomed, in Debt Free Wannabee may I just caution MoneySavers to err on the side of kindness. Of course many are in debt due to over-spending, financial illiteracy, or mismanagement of money (and some through no fault, only due to circumstance). Yet the fact they are here means they're looking for help, guidance and to take charge of their finances - and that in itself is admirable

Please use your knowledge and kindness to help rather than to berate. This board often has the power to move me to tears with the sheer power of the community that's grown and I hope it will continue.

If you feel it’s important to point something out that the poster may find negative but needs to understand, then it's not a problem, but do think carefully about your phrasing - people can be very sensitive and nuances may mislead when it’s in an online Forum.>>

I love this forum. Many have been and seen through their debts. Yet as it gets larger it's easy for the 'anonymity' of posting to mean as well as protecting users, it's easy to 'post and leave'. I hope this note may act as a wee reminder what it's all about.

Martin

sweetpeas_2

ok guys, im sorry that my thread has brought up all these arguements. i thank the people- moozie, lynzpower and ss that are defending me because to be completely honest-i posted the thread because i needed your help and advice about a nig problem in my life-i didnt intend people to write comments about each other and make comments to me also.
i am well aware of the financial situation we are in-that is why i use this site! i was after a bit oh help from the people that were willing to give it and for the other people, have you never heard the saying "if you have nothing to say dont say nothing at all" ?
ive only been using this site a few months but i thought the general idea of posting questions was for help and support. i really did not post this thread to start a full scale war. nore did i post it to have comments like
'you are in this mess because of your lack of self discipline', as my advice.

thanks to the people that have helped me and im sorry to the people that have thought bad about my thread for whatever reason. it wasnt my intention-i just needed a helping hand. thats why were all on here right...?

Jumps

Yes that is why we are here to help and support each other.

earwig

southernscouser wrote:

But what did yungs post acheive? What was the purpose of it? Whenever someone comes on here asking for help should one of the first things we say to them be 'you are in this mess because of your lack of self discipline?'

Sure we explain to them that they are living beyond their means but how does that comment actually help someone. If we all posted like that the OP would never get any help. Thats what this board is not about.

And as far as I'm aware no-one has been jumping up and down like a 2 year old!

Yung said he didn't intentionally set out to offend or upset anyone and I believe him. I just don't see why his post was necessary and said as much.

It's called freedom of speech! :rolleyes:

i did say this is not just about this thread i was using it as an example i know what martin has said and have read it and beening the wife of somone who is bankrupt i agree with what it says and have seen how badley people on here have been treated and have stuck up for them

the point i was making is we are all entilted to speak our mind and i stand by what i have said what yung said wasnt rude and nasty i didnt say i agreed or not agreed with what yung has said but there was no need for the sarrcy comments from you if it was that bad what yung had said why didnt you just report it and let the board guide people sort it out the fact that it is still on here suggest that it wasnt that bad of thing to say

you would have to ask the op wheather or not they found the comment helpfull i wouldnt know

this board is about speaking honestly about each others situation and every has the right to do this with out abuse and that what martin is saying basically and i didnt think yung coments were that bad the op asked a question and got an answer wheather it was a good answer is not for me to decide that up to the op

why was this post necessary i guess it the way i felt this place has changed when i first come on here people spoke there minds and there was a respect for the honest warm replys what people got now its getting to the point of if your honesty is a bit contraversel you cant be honest and you cant say what you think cause if you do people will pull you up on this

im not saying it right for people to come on here and be abused as it is not and i agree with you that people should not abuse for having debt i understand what its like to be drowning in it the fear of the phone and the post not having enough money to buy the basics but i do think that people on here should be allowed to speak what they feel and if it is really nasty and uncalled for like the board guides deal with it

so i do stand by what i have said and im sure i havent herd the last of this im not looking for an argument i just wanted to speak my mind !

ZTD

I'm agreeing with SouthernScouser here. Never mind - the doctors opens tomorrow...

earwig wrote:

the point i was making is we are all entilted to speak our mind and i stand by what i have said what yung said wasnt rude and nasty i didnt say i agreed or not agreed with what yung has said but there was no need for the sarrcy comments from you

What SS said was not rude and nasty either. Given that you believe that people shouldn't be challenged unless they are rude and nasty, why have you challenged SS over his words?

Surely by your stance, he is entitled to speak his mind too?

earwig

ZTD wrote:

I'm agreeing with SouthernScouser here. Never mind - the doctors opens tomorrow...



What SS said was not rude and nasty either. Given that you believe that people shouldn't be challenged unless they are rude and nasty, why have you challenged SS over his words?

Surely by your stance, he is entitled to speak his mind too?

yes thats whole point no one has said a word about his coments and it not just directed at ss i was talking about other posts as well ss was just one of many i have seen latley and ss is entitled to speak his mind as am i and where did i say ss coments was rude and nasty that the whole point no one coments was rude or nasty

in-debt

You could try mystery shopping as this pays some good money and also if you complete online surveys they pay a £1 everytime you complete one and when you get £10 or more they transfer it to your bank account or send a cheque out to you. If you want more details pm me.

ZTD

earwig wrote:

yes thats whole point no one has said a word about his coments and it not just directed at ss i was talking about other posts as well ss was just one of many i have seen latley and ss is entitled to speak his mind as am i and where did i say ss coments was rude and nasty that the whole point no one coments was rude or nasty

You didn't, that was the point.

I will precis - for clarity (if you believe that...)

You said:

Yung wasn't being rude or nasty.
SS should not challenge Yung.

I took this to mean. "People should not be challenged for their posts unless they are rude or nasty." Is that reasonable?

However, by doing that, you've challenged SS over his post, which was not rude or nasty and hence should not be challenged - except you did. IYSWIM.

Now I took SS's stance to be different - that you can post anything so long as it is either supportive or helpful - as per the DFW announcement which is in large friendly letters at the top of the index. And he was pointing out that Yung's post was neither.

I hope I've made that clearer than I think I have. :rolleyes:

Anyway - back to the original point. I think we've lost the plot in this thread somewhere - I know I have.

My apologies to the OP and indeed to anyone who has read this far, as that quite a bit of time off your life you know.

Baggiebird1nil

I too love this site. I am in an IVA at the moment that I entered into before I found this wonderful helpful site. Up until about a week or so ago 99% of replies were sympathetic. I don't thnk for a moment that any of us got into this situation purposely. Listening to Radio 1 on the way home from work tonight I was listening to what sounded like MoneySaving Expert on the radio! What I have noticed in the last week is how nasty some of the threads have been getting. Yes I agree that everyone is entitled to free speech and some of the posters on here are obviously naive but as my dear Mom used to say ' if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say anything at all'.
Martin has done a fantastic job encouraging us to look and take ownership of our financial status so let's all just think before we post.

Kate