Is wanting a large family so bad?

skylight

You would like more children? If you can work things out that you can manage then go for it. If you cannot then don't. It's simple really and no-ones opinion except yours and your OHs should matter (so just ignore what I said about whether or not you can manage it! LOL)

gingin_2

lemoncheesecake wrote: »

I spend alot of time with my children and find it really odd why one would want to go for a walk with dad while the other bakes with mum?? What is the premise for all this 'one to one time'. Why would you not all do the baking and then go for the walk like a family?

I'm not sure if I've misunderstood what you mean or whether you really are saying you can't understand why a child wouldn't want one on one time?

The premise for this one on one time is to let them know that they are each valued individually. Children have different personalities and different needs - I have a daughter who is sensitive and quiet and a son who is gregarious and energetic. They love each other but they love their time apart too.

I don't do all the baking myself because my daughter would be cross with me if I did. It's a treat, not a chore in our house! She's six and can tell you the exact ingredients and measurements for fairy cakes because we have been doing it together ever since she could stir the spoon round the bowl (and lick it afterwards ). DS opens up far more about "stuff" to his Dad and their one on one time is the perfect opportunity to do this.

Do your kids ever get any quiet/ private time? Aren't there times when you close the door when everyone has gone out and relish the peace and quiet? I think kids need that too.

I think that 4 children in a 3 bed house is a squeeze and any more would be unfair on the others. It must be tough on one low income with tax credits and child benefits as a top up and I am impressed if you can afford school trips, after school lessons, cubs/ brownies, swimming, dancing etc. etc and still be able to consider adding to your family without compromising on all of this for your other children.

GracieP

onlyroz wrote: »

I haven't heard anyone mention the nation's ageing population. Don't we need a fairly steady influx of young people into the labour market in order to ensure that the ageing people leaving the workforce can be replaced, and looked after in their latter years? I'm not saying that we should all be having 10 children, but isn't it part of our social responsibility to at least "replace ourselves" (i.e. average 2 children per couple)?

Yes we need a steady progression of new young people to keep society intact but worldwide the population is growing rapidly so there is absolutely no need for anyone who doesn't want children or only wants one to have any or more. What we do have a social responsibility to do is to make it possible for those who are willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood to raise their children by paying taxes that contribute to maternity/paternity entitlements, and the medical needs and education of the children.

Imp

GracieP wrote: »

Yes we need a steady progression of new young people to keep society intact but worldwide the population is growing rapidly so there is absolutely no need for anyone who doesn't want children or only wants one to have any or more. What we do have a social responsibility to do is to make it possible for those who are willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood to raise their children by paying taxes that contribute to maternity/paternity entitlements, and the medical needs and education of the children.

What a sensible post, excellently put.

Spendless

Re; asking older children to do things for younger. I am the eldest by 7 years of my only sibling and as I got older and looked back and came across threads discussing it, would say I resented it. One day a poster put how all their family members 'muck in' as a family. That caused me to think a bit deeper about my childhood, and when I did I realised that picking my younger sister up from a neighbour's house after school (secondary finished later than Primary in those days, plus I had 1 mile to walk home) cos parents were at work, did not actually bother me. I was more than happy to help. What did cheese me off was the babysitting duties, without pay whilst my parents socialised THAT was the difference.

Because of what I was thinking I disliked, I have been very with my eldest, that 'no the youngest can't come with you' and often ignored the fact that he WANTED to take her. I've had to change my way of thinking since my realisation came.

Looking back at qualities it gave me leadership, authority. The parents also need to realise that the youngest still needs to be independant not over-rely on the older child.

Re-one-to-one time. I say we need all mixes, alone time, family time, 1 on 1 time. Perhaps more noticeable if you have a boy/girl mix or complete opposites, but for example my kids get much more out of going to watch footy with their dad who enjoys it, than they would from me, who is bored stupid by all sport.

nearlyrich

gingin wrote: »

I just don't see how you can give 5 or 6 children all the one-on-one time they need?

For me, spending time with my two children individually is really, really important and I think that's what gives us the close bond that I know we have. Whether it's bath time and stories before bed with the youngest, or sitting at the computer with eldest going through homework, or just watching a daft programme on tv whilst youngest is in bed, it's all quality time that I know I couldn't give if I had 5 or 6.

I also think, in an ideal world, children should have their own bedrooms if they wish, I think having that private space is even more important in large families.

I am second oldest of six my parents did a great job of bringing up six successful people and we all still speak to and actually like each other in our 40's and 30's...

We had 3 of each sex so 3 in a bedroom was the only way we could all fit in the bedrooms we had, with mum and dad squeezed into the smallest room. It wasn't ideal but we learned tolerance my youngest sister is 9 years younger than me. I went to my grandma's house for space!

My dad had three jobs we had child benefit and because 3 of us went a long way to the nearest suitable school we got our busfares back at the end of each term. No free school meals or uniform grants or child tax credits, but I have something money can't buy a loving family who will always be there for me and since our parents are no longer with us it means the world. You can give children love and as my mum used to say each one brings it's own love

Spendless

GracieP wrote: »

Yes we need a steady progression of new young people to keep society intact but worldwide the population is growing rapidly so there is absolutely no need for anyone who doesn't want children or only wants one to have any or more. What we do have a social responsibility to do is to make it possible for those who are willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood to raise their children by paying taxes that contribute to maternity/paternity entitlements, and the medical needs and education of the children.

But you would need to ensure that the 'extra' people are living in a country where they need more to keep society intact rather than an imbalance of some countries having too many people and others not enough?

hngrymummy

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Ah well, just so long as it is easier for the poster, that's ok then, never mind if others find it difficult to read.

I didn't say that all nations improving their diet rely on milk and cream. My comments were with regard to a post on a previous thread, where the Chinese are now eating dairy, something not traditional for them. I suppose they want the opportunity to have what we in the West have, and why not, but land will be required for the dairy herds.

What is not true? Exactly. You have no idea what I was responding to, because it wasn't with the original question. I was actually disagreeing with your assumption that the descendants of Anglo-Saxons required more personal space. Wrong wrong wrong.

As someone who has lived in an area where there are several reservoirs, I can assure you that they are very picturesque. Unfortunately valleys had to be flooded to create them, but the result is extremely pleasant epsecially if you like walking or sailing. Were the reservoirs existing when you moved there? I'm sure they're very picturesque. But not to the residents who are having them built close to their house. We are currently dealing with a public enquirey into a proposed reservoir becasue the opposition to it is so great. People need houses to live in. Unfortunately a small amount of green space has to be built on in order for them to be built.


I think that people are already profiteering from the supply of water aren't they? Or do water companies in your area not charge water rates? If they do and they can't supply you with water sometimes do they still charge you?. I would be happy to have underground storage tanks built to store more water, being able to sell it to other areas in case of drought where they are and presumably the money would help to offset the cost of building the storage. Water companies provide water in my area and charge for it. I'm happy to pay as it costs money to extract, clean and transport water and sewerage. Water companies are being asked to to more and more for less and less money. What I don't agree with is for reservoirs to be built so that water can be transported for pure profit.

Who says I take water for granted and waste it? you take too much for granted. To complain at being under a hosepipe ban is to take water for granted. You get clean, potable water out of your tap probably 99% of the time, and complain when there is a risk of standpipes. How many people in the world have to walk miles to collect filthy water to drink. You DO take it for granted.

You sound extremely judgemental (you are making assumptions without knowing the facts) and unpleasant. Is this natural for you or have you had a bad day? HAHAHAHAHA. You're quite funny really. By calling me judgemental without actually ever having met me, you are the one being judgemental. You've really made my day with that comment. I never called you names, I just questioned some of your suppositions. Please refrain from calling people names on a forum, it is a very different kettle of fish to expressing your opinion, which is what most other people on here have successfully done. Thanks.

To the OP. You will get many people on here spouting about various negative things. By all means take those into account, but please also take into account the positives. Children are our future (so cliched it makes me feel ill, but true in so many respects). I wish you all the best with your descision, and when you make it, never regret it.

hngrymummy

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Too much trouble to write a proper reply? too much trouble for me to read what you have posted then!

Well that IS rude, especially if somone takes the time to try and hold a proper debate with you.

hngrymummy

digitalphase wrote: »

I believe hearing years ago that China had a favourable policy that the first child born to families would receive their equivalent of benefits (not sure if that included schooling/health care etc), but any additional children that the family chose to have, would receive no extra help, and the parents would have to cover it.

Alas, China's policy was much more draconian than that. Had it been that simple, then it might have eased China's population fears and caused far fewer problems. However, mothers' with a child who were found to be pregnant could be forced into an abortion. I remember studying it at college, and we watched an interview with a poor mother who was forced into an abortion post 26 weeks. Because parents were allowed just one child, baby girls were aborted, left to die or left at orphanages so that the family could have a son. There is now a serious problem with an imbalance in the male/female ratio.

I think we have a good balance in this country between those who think that they should not have more children, and those who think it's not a problem. The numbers balance themselves out quite well so that people are able to do as they feel is best regarding family size.