csa and the law over children in england and scotland

gratefulforhelp_2

The law is that the children have a right to see both parents. How that happens is dependent on you to arrange something reasonable. You don't have to contact him, but if he asks for contact, he should be given contact that is reasonable, given that he hasn't seen them for 18 months.

Can you write specific questions that you need the answers to?

tonij

the insurcurity of dad going away thinks im going to do the same and its so hard when a child thinks like that . goes to school ok but i have to collect as if i sent someone to get my child from school they go mad and think ive left them behind.its so hard and i think it will be hard for my to leave the child with the dad.

tonij

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

The law is that the children have a right to see both parents. How that happens is dependent on you to arrange something reasonable. You don't have to contact him, but if he asks for contact, he should be given contact that is reasonable, given that he hasn't seen them for 18 months.

Can you write specific questions that you need the answers to?

sorry my english is so rubbish and spelling too im going to college to gain my level.

gratefulforhelp_2

No, I'm not commenting on your English, honey. Just wanted to know what questions in particular you want the answers to?

tonij

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

No, I'm not commenting on your English, honey. Just wanted to know what questions in particular you want the answers to?

ok no worries

tonij

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

The law is that the children have a right to see both parents. How that happens is dependent on you to arrange something reasonable. You don't have to contact him, but if he asks for contact, he should be given contact that is reasonable, given that he hasn't seen them for 18 months.

Can you write specific questions that you need the answers to?

yes if the children want to see him that is.
what if i dont pass my phone no on to him and he refuses to give me his address yes abit petty but . i was the one ringing him on a certain day of each month and he would be either bizy or he left all the talking to the children if they asked him for things or a genral question he would say or change the subject. so the children are young 9 now and 6 but they found it hard that phone calls were too short or daddy lied . so i would try to say daddy was bizy at work or try say something that would not upset them.
so now they are not sure about if they want to see him or not they are so confused.

poppyscorner

I really don't want to offend you !

BUT it really sounds as if your feelings towards your ex are getting in the way here. I have an ex husband and two children with him he pretty much sees them regular now but initially in all of the anger and venom between us it was very difficult mainly because he was caught up with his girlfriend and her children and didn't have the time or the inclination to bother with them I was outraged by the whole thing BUT you really need to learn to control that.

In the long run you have to remember that the kids live with you and they will pick up on it if you are embroilled in rows no matter who that is with and their happiness is what should matter.

Despite my feelings about what has happenned in the past my ex has contact with our children it is not as much as I would like but hey ho as others have said you can't make someone see their children if they don't want to. If the kids are worried and anxious then you both need to reassure them that it will be ok.

I do this all the time with my two admittedly more so in the beginning than is required now just swallow hard and talk to them about it how they are going to visit him and won't that be nice its been a while since you saw him you can tell him all about (school, football practise/ whatever they are in to) the kids have a right to get to know him and make their own minds up about him they are more likely to be settled if they see mum being happy about it.

I banned my ex from talking to me about our break up or the past (incidently it was his affairs that ended our relationship) and when we talk we talk only about the kids that way past issues can't come back up and start the rows again. I make the trips to drop the children off at his and that way if he attempts to bring it up I can say goodbye to the kids and get into my car and leave before cross words are spoken this works for me I feel safe and secure with it.

Maintainance is a whole different issue mine refused to pay mine we made agreement after agreement and he broke them all I know people say bad things about the CSA but I handed the whole thing to them and let them work it out with him he's never missed a payment in almost a year now and I no longer have the stress of worrying about it.

As far as he's concerned the best thing you can do is not let him get to you yes rant and rave in private to friends and family he will give up when the reaction disappears.

Unless you feel the children are in danger you need to work something out that works for you all, you need to know where the kids will be and he needs to be able to contact you but you both have a responsibility to the kids to work something out.

Good Luck xx

gratefulforhelp_2

tonij wrote: »

yes if the children want to see him that is.
What if i dont pass my phone no on to him and he refuses to give me his address yes abit petty but .

does he have your address? Fine he can write.
i would not be letting them go for contact unless you have his address. That is perfectly reasonable as long as you tell him they are not going until you have it.
i was the one ringing him on a certain day of each month and he would be either bizy or he left all the talking to the children if they asked him for things or a genral question he would say or change the subject. So the children are young 9 now and 6 but they found it hard that phone calls were too short or daddy lied .

you can't make him be interested. Don't bother, let him ring - apart from you said he doesn't have your number?? He will need to ring at a reasonable time for the children, though, not after bedtime for example.
so i would try to say daddy was bizy at work or try say something that would not upset them.
So now they are not sure about if they want to see him or not they are so confused.

i would just answer their questions, but don't raise the issue with them. Try not to badmouth him, but you don't have to make excuses for him either.

hth................................................................................

tonij

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

hth................................................................................

ive never bad mouthed him at all to the children and i just say that daddy loves you and hes moved on to be happy and that he wants you to be happy like him . he loves you in his special way even if he dont see you . like mummy loves you . daddy wont be happy if your not.
but he refuses to give his address to me so he knows my address and hes never wrote or sent athing for the children and the eldest of the 2 has sent him emails and has had no replys.
i think once they do see him...... when i dont know as its a long way to come for a few hours . they will over come their confusion and maybe want to see him . he hates csa he thinks that each time the assess him its far too much and he shouldnt have arrears because hes not had any contact and why should he pay when he dont have contact. he moved to scotland to b with a woman and he states he did it for that reason as i kept his life on holddown in england.
hes going to get this court case and hes not understanding that court and access are different to csa they dont worry too much on that part just the childrens best intrest what i gather and thats my main intrest whats best for them and that they are both happy with it .

gratefulforhelp_2

Well he has notalot to go to court over as far as I can tell from what you've said. He will have to get a solicitor.

Do you really think he will bother? If he can't be bothered to see the kids, then he won't bother to go to court. He can't take you to court over the csa, their actions are not your concern so long as they do what you need them to.

So long as you are reasonable over contact, he hasn't a leg to stand on. He will not get residence from what you have told us.

Just leave him to get on with it, and if he contacts you and asks to see the kids, write back and say its ok, but it will have to be where you are and that you will need his full contact details (meaning his address) first.

Keep a copy of the letter.