Why do people like to interfere?

newcook

I think it also depends on how its said – I have a couple of friends who have been together for quite a few years and not got married but we all keep asking when he’s going to make an honest woman of her so we can all start the knees-ups!!!!

On the other hand, I have only been with my bf for a couple of months and we keep being asked if they need to buy a new hat :eek: :eek: they either really like him and think we make a fab couple or they hate him and are trying to scare him off!!!!!

diable

johnsmi wrote: »

Hi,

Been with my partner a long time with 3 children. We are not married been living together or as some people would put it "living in sin”. We are happy but have not got around to tying the knot yet in an official marriage ceremony.

Yet our not been married has met with derision from our relatives, it seems by their hints that we are doing something very wrong. I suppose they are fairly religious and maybe this is part of it, I just don't know. So far I haven't paid much attention to them, but just wonder as to why they think they should make hints or interfere?

Thanks
John

Just tell them you will get married one day but its taking a long time to get the Wedding List sorted at Harrods as there are lots of things you like at £1000+

Hermia

I think some people just have very fixed, narrow views on the 'correct' way to live and can't cope with anyone who is different.

I don't want kids and get lots of flak about that. I was once talking about this to a bunch of friends that included a SAHM, a working mum, a mum with an only child, a mum with a large family and a lesbian. Every single one of them got flak over their lifestyle choices.

You just have to shut your ears TBH. What amuses me is that even when I tell people I am perfectly happy with my life choices they still tell me I should change! If people keep going on I just point out that people lived differently in the past, they live differently in other countries and they will no doubt live differently in the future so there isn't only one right way to live.

gratefulforhelp_2

johnsmi wrote: »

Hi,
Been with my partner a long time with 3 children. We are not married been living together or as some people would put it "living in sin”. We are happy but have not got around to tying the knot yet in an official marriage ceremony.
Yet our not been married has met with derision from our relatives, it seems by their hints that we are doing something very wrong. I suppose they are fairly religious and maybe this is part of it, I just don't know. So far I haven't paid much attention to them, but just wonder as to why they think they should make hints or interfere?
Thanks
John

When people are strongly Christian (I'm assuming the religion here) they feel that the best way to bring up children and to live together is in marriage. This is a valid point of view...not the only one, but valid.

However as has been said, people will poke their oar in no matter what your situation or their relationship to you...you have three children, you must have had all the unasked for advice and stupid questions...tell them its your policy only to listen to advice unless its asked for by you. Smile sweetly and ignore.

And enjoy your family.

picnmix

Dont worry about anyone but yourselves.

I got married in a registry office, my gramps constantly talked about this whilst I was present to all who would listen, explaining that it wasnt a proper marriage, it used to really upset me, but now I see it was his problem, not mine.

LJM

hi i would not worry about it if you are happy then blow everyone else. i am not married and have to girls i live with my partner and have done for years. his parents consider me and refer to me as their daughter in law and have done since we got together and same as my parents view him as son in law. who cares what others think i get grief occasionally from the odd snobby person who say you cant have a commited meaningful relationship if your not married and imo they are the ones that are insecure if they feel the need to say these things.i agree with above posters though just rise above it dont take it to heart or even spend time worrying about it i know i dont as to me it sounds like you have the perfect family same as mine xx

OrkneyStar

johnsmi wrote: »

Hi,

Been with my partner a long time with 3 children. We are not married been living together or as some people would put it "living in sin”. We are happy but have not got around to tying the knot yet in an official marriage ceremony.

Yet our not been married has met with derision from our relatives, it seems by their hints that we are doing something very wrong. I suppose they are fairly religious and maybe this is part of it, I just don't know. So far I haven't paid much attention to them, but just wonder as to why they think they should make hints or interfere?

Thanks
John

While I also believe, ideally, in marriage before kids (am a Christian), I appreciate that in this day and age it is your and your partner's choice. Are you happy ? Are your kids happy, well-fed, clothed, loved ? Then that is what matters!

Tropez

It happens. Where religion is concerned in particular some (not all, but some) people feel it is their duty to whichever deity they consider god to "encourage" others towards the teachings that they have chosen to believe in. My mother is much the same - she's quite religious, although the only Protestant in a Catholic family - and she has made it clear that she doesn't agree with my current living arrangements but also understands that I do not share her beliefs. I'm sure, on some level, it causes her discomfort that I am living in sin - maybe she is worried for my soul, or something - but she knows it isn't her place to enforce her beliefs on me.

However, there are other people out there who are so steadfast in their beliefs that they cannot accept opposing points of view and will actively strive to enforce their beliefs on others.

Dave101t

its a cultural thing for me, not so much a religous thing. im not religous but always think less of unmarried couples with children. my opinion and im happy to be wrong!

nattyt

Seriously whilst I am actually pro- marriage, my now ex, proposing was the worst thing ever. We'd been together 9 years, got kids etc. Suddenly all around us everyone was getting married. Something that i have always wanted more than him but he proposed on Valentines Day and honestly looking back I reckon it all went downhill from there. He probably felt pressured because lots of people went on about it myself included. It was never that important to him as it was to me. The result- 2 months ago he left. Now i know a lot of it was the wedding thing. Do it only if its right for you BOTH. Don't feel pressured by anyone. One life live it.... and live it exactly how you want. Now I feel that marriage is actually nowhere as important as i thought it was although I admit I still want to get married it will only be because its 100% what we both want. xxxxxx