Love v Money?

FATBALLZ

bylromarha wrote: »

What a sad question to ask...

Would you rather have love or money would be a sad question, but I think this is a good question. I think for most people there will be a tipping point where financial incompetence (eg at one extreme gambling tens of thousands a year away) would kill a relationship.

ceridwen

I had to vote that I would not stay in the relationship.

I would try to persuade the errant O.H. to "see the error of their ways" and start planning their finances properly. Having said that - if they simply couldnt/wouldnt change - then I would eventually decide that they simply obviously couldnt care about me that much if they were willing to see me potentially "dragged down" by their financial mismanagement. From that - it would be a very short step from "they obviously dont care about me" to "Well - whats the point in staying with them then?" and I would leave.

I do have to add that I always took a very "rational" view of potential hubbies back in my dating days. I had all the heart-churning/falling in lust/falling in love type feelings everyone else did - BUT I also worked out rationally whether they were a "viable prospect" for a woman and for me in particular. If they were obviously useless with money - or other things I would find unacceptable (eg selfish, mean, unfaithful, dishonest) then I would break the relationship off and keep looking....

I guess I had life a bit easier than many in some respects - as I would at some point mentally "hold the current man up against my father" and most of them instantly showed up in a bad light in comparison. I would just tell myself "Well - my mother managed to find a good husband - so they ARE out there...I'll keep looking....." and then by the time I had to factor in a man that had similar values/interests to myself and that I found attractive.....:eek:. So - at least I had some idea how to spot a man who would be a suitable husband to someone per se - which I know a lot wouldnt ...

Jinx

I was already a debt free wannabe when i met my now hubby. Had I not already been on a more sensible path I know that he would not be with me as he is very careful with money and we would just have been incompatible on a basic level (I just had a bit of a mad spell with my credit cards!!! Learned lesson )

Hermia

I think I'd have to say goodbye to the relationship unless the guy was 100% wanting to change & willing to make that effort. I have just seen too many financially sensible friends end up in financial trouble because of their partner. I could not live with that level of worry. I would really resent budgeting and saving and then finding out my partner was just throwing money away.

I don't think love or money is a sad question to ask really. It doesn't matter how much you love someone if they are going to not contribute to the relationship, are going to make you unhappy or not provide for any children than love is going to go out the window anyway.

Jo_R_2

I would leave if me and a partner weren't financially compatible.

My ex was horrendous, and whilst it wasn't all about the money, that played a huge factor. He would prioritise nights out over everything else and if we didn't have the money he would frequently take it out of the grocery money, or wherever else it was accounted for.

When I eventually thought we'd got on track, he produced some 'surprise' presents because he felt we'd been working hard and deserved a treat - turned out he'd opened a storecard and spent pretty much up to the max just buying 'stuff.'

He resented me treating him like a child when I took charge of the finances, and I resented having to act like his mother - and even then he would bring out all the excuses designed to make me feel sorry for him, why he deserved a bit of cash (for the third/fourth time that week) and in the end I just got worn down, it wasn't about an nequal-footed relationship, or love for that matter, so we parted.

OH, although not massively clued up on money things when we got together, has gotten much better now he sees the obvious benefits, and if he's not sure then will give me little 'tasks' to do like sorting a better rate credit card for him - I love searching for the best deals and whatnot so I'm happy and he's happy:D