Love v Money?

SueC_2

SmartLiving wrote: »

Hi all,
Really interested to read this thread as I'm working on a magazine piece all about the role money plays in relationships! I'm looking for couples in their 40s/50s to speak to about their own experiences - if you'd be interested, I'd love to hear from you at julia.martinATredwoodgroup.net.

Thanks, but I've never really understood what makes anyone want to air their dirty laundry so publicly. Jeez, it's hard enough working out which of your friends/family/colleagues can be trusted with the more sensitive areas of your private life, without wanting the whole world to know about it.

Hmmm, I may start a new thread.... How much would you want to be paid to have personal information printed in the press...!:)

Dealingwithdebts

I've been the reckless partner in my relationship, spending money on myself that we didn't have (and lying about it) whilst my husband (then boyfriend) worked all hours under the sun to try and pay our bills. He stayed with me and helped me change my ways and now we're happier than ever and getting ourselves out of debt. I'm glad he loved me enough to stay with me and I'm now his wife!!

VK-2008

my oh is not great financially, he would not know what bills etc he would have to pay should something happen to me

that does not bother me

he knows some stuff but very little. thats just the way we are

we are both happy

if my dh stole money and gambled it i would not stay with him as that decietful

bylromarha

What a sad question to ask...

January20

bylromarha wrote: »

What a sad question to ask...

Sad? why? because you believe in happy ever after?
You see, I think it's very relevant.

pinkclouds

Deliberately spending beyond your means on a regular basis is unacceptable - you have to keep a roof over your heads and/or any kids. So, yes, I would "knock it on the head" if it was bad enough.

Simple bad habits are different e.g. maybe you need to put all your bills on direct debit so you don't miss a payment deadline, etc. The key is whether it is deliberate/reckless and endangers your family's well-being.

ManOnTheMoon

I've had partners who spent money quicker than I earnt it.

Reckless spending will kill a relationship and it would be nipped in the bud immediately if it happened my end again, but I don't envisage it.

All may be happy, but once those bills come in that you can't pay, things will deteriorate.

dark_lady

Something i have yet to see covered in any magazine is the issue of financial abuse in relationships.My ex was a real tightwad except when it came to his cigarettes his beer and any new gadget he wanted. I have told the whole story on the "Is this miserly or just moneysaving" thread on the Money Saving in Marriages board Its post no. 91 Sorry i am useless at links lol

Brallaqueen

It can be done, my brother dearly loves a woman who spends money like water (but then she puts with his harebrained schemes to earn it in the first place!). I think they both have a mindset of 'easy come easy go' just to varying degrees.

I'm much more fixed on money - I wouldn't date someone who was unemployed for a while, or who was in his 30's and still living at home, or who was 'flash' because to me these all point to basic incompatabilities in lifestyle, and with money.

dreaming

My exOH was really bad with money. I used to say "if he had £5 he would spend 10". It wasn't the spending that was so bad though but he started to hide it from me. For example, he would go "for a couple of pints with the lads" on a Friday night, which always seemed to end up with him going for a curry, or to the casino with them. As he never took enough cash with him he would get his mates to give him their money and put the meal on his credit card, but then "forget" to tell me or to put the cash in the bank, so come credit card statement there was often a big shock. When I suggested he took more cash out with him he accused me of being a control freak and not trusting him. At the same time he refused to look at any sort of financial stuff saying thet I was much better at it than him. In the end I realised it was all part of his refusal to accept any responsibility in any area of our life together (not just moneywise), as well as his need to be popular and keep up with the Jones'. So it wasn't the spending that finished us, but the lies and distrust which went with it, and the realisation that he had no respect for me or our family if he could continually behave so selfishly.