baby versus debt

mozzyc

Hannah_10 wrote: »

Dolly you can always always renegotiate with creditors, if you need any help with it at all I am more than happy to help you in any way you can. Your debt is a thing that need dealt with, but not at the expense of your whole life. Having children isn't like wanting a shiny car, it's a basic need and longing that is fundamental to being human.

Very inspiring, thanks Hannah. You've def put my mind at rest. Thank-you!:)

heatherks

as others have said try for a baby now...and worry abour your debts later .. are you still paying the full / mininimum payments on your debt or on a debt repayment plan ...i think this is the only way to go if you want the interest to be frozen

as others have said a baby (even first time parents) DON'T need everything brand new or what they read about in parenting mags ,mothercare, see their friends with etc ...my SIL bought her daughter a £700 pram which her baby hasnt been in since he was 4 months because she was fed up blowing up the tyres also because she wanted the latest buggy her friend had this was another £200 her mother also put them on her CC which has to be paid back with interest

i had two kids when i was over 35 but also know friends who had tried for yrs as other have said see CAB or similar agancy and see if you can gets your monthly payment reduced or what other options you have if you want to go that rd

dolly74_2

The verdict seens to be that we should go for it. We have been together 11 years so it is a stable relationship! It would be easier if my mum lived nearby as she could help with child care but she lives a 3 hour train journey away. There are so many things that seem so complicated - like tax credit and things. I was saying to my partner this morning that if in his job they could let him work part time it would be good because our hours overlap slightly so this would mean we could share the childcare. He said he doesnt know anyone else there that does that so they probably wouldnt let him. I think perhaps I should just go for it and hopefully things will work out.

isy1011

My friend waited until the time was right financially then what happened......she couldnt get pregnant and spent a fortune on IVF!

Fertlity declines rapidly over the age of 35.

Yes you hear of stories of women of 45 having babies but that's not the norm.

Get on with it. I started trying at 30 but had 3 miscarriages. Then a daughter when I was 33 then another miscarriage then a daughter when I was 38. So you just dont know what will happen.

Butti

dolly74 wrote: »

. I was saying to my partner this morning that if in his job they could let him work part time it would be good because our hours overlap slightly so this would mean we could share the childcare. He said he doesnt know anyone else there that does that so they probably wouldnt let him. I think perhaps I should just go for it and hopefully things will work out.

That seems to be the consensus. I think your OH is allowed in law to ask for amended hours if he has childcare responsibilities and his employer HAS to consider it. BUT if the employer has a reasonable reason to refuse it he they are allowed to. Wait and see what situation arises.

Good luck,
B

3yearstogo

I fell pregnant while in debt (same amount as now as I only started attacking it in July 2010!). I was worried sick thinking I couldnt afford a baby as my partner and I only have an average income between us and never had any more left at the end of the month. I was only able to save up £500 for mat leave to suppliment my wage too when I went on to SMP.

Anyway, I left work at 36 weeks pregnant, got 10 weeks full pay salary then 6 months at £500 a month (roughly via SMP). Also got child allowance of £80 a month and working tax credits at £85 a month till baby was 1 year old. It reduced to £40 after that. If you and your partner earn less than 55k I believe you get that level of working tax credits.

I managed to stay off work for a whole 9 months. Used any child allowace/working tax credits to buy baby food/nappies/clothes (always bought clothes at ASDA or Tesco - amazing prices). Food and nappies always on offer. First 6 months I spent about £20 a month on nappies, £20 a month on powdered milk. So that was only 50% of that child allowance gone and 25% of the benefits rec overall. People buy loads of clothes for you and give you stuff their kids used so we rarely had to buy anything.

We did go overboard on new baby furniture and spent nearly 2k on cot, changing units and wardrope... if i did it again i would get them from gumtree/freecycle/ebay.

My point is, I don't think babies are as expensive as they are made out to be. Especially if you have lots of family and friends and its a first baby/grandchild.

Another point, I dont need childcare as grandparents look after her while I work but I know you can claim back a % of childcare via working tax credits too depending on your household earnings.

Hope that helps you decide. x

30RockFan78

Hi Dolly74 and everyone,

After years of reading the forums, your thread has made me register so that I could post a reply. You sound like you are in exactly the same boat as me, and though I'm 31, my biological clock has really started to kick in. I'm 33k in debt, but managing. It gets me down sometimes, but I now think how much I would hate to miss the chance of a having a child...or two.

I have decided to be brave and go for it. There are times when you think you are the only one going through all of this, when in fact, you are probably in the majority than the minority.

Everyone on the thread has been so lovely, it really puts things in perspective.

What a lovely place to be!

Good Luck Dolly xx

LandyAndy

dolly74 wrote: »

Every month my partner and I spend about £610 on my debts (not including mortgage). I am 36 and would like a baby. My doctor has said not to leave it too late as well. I have put it off this long because I cannot see how I could afford the debt and baby as we only have modest jobs.Over the last few years I have managed to get the debt down from approx £21,000 between us to now where its about £16,000. Next year, one of my loans is paid off and that will mean we are paying about £470 a month instead. Realistically, with a baby, I think I could only afford about £200. Is there anyway that you think creditors would accept that per month or can you think of another way round it? It may seem a silly time to plan a baby but then again, I would hate to think i had left it too late because of my money problems and then couldnt have kids at all. I haven't got that much time to play with and as we all know fertility decreases, risks increase etc. Has anyone been through something similar?

Not quite sure why you think your creditors should subsidise your desire for children?

If you can afford children have them. If you can't don't.

property.advert

People don't have a right to have children. The OP cannot afford them and wants people to tell her she can. Any child she has will be a burden on the state as if she and her partner cannot afford them at age 36 then they are not going to be making more money later in life are they ? It took them years to pay £5000 from a £21000 debt.

Sorry, harsh but straight. Getting government assistance when you lose your job and already have kids is one thing, breeding when you cannot afford them and will become a greater burden on an impoverished state is just irresponsible.

Nottoobadyet

Property.advert - though I see your point, if he OP and her OH are working, then they'll be getting just the same benefits as everyone else. The state subsidizes everyone’s childbearing, for right or wrong.

OP, like everyone says you can manage with both a baby and debt. I guess my only question is if thats truly, really what you want - to struggle through extra years of debt busting with the added responsibility of kids. Many, many people have rewarding lives without having children, and personally in your situation I would be thinking about whether having children was really the only way of reaching the happiness I was looking for. Of course, if it is, you should go for it without looking back.