baby versus debt

mandz1

have a baby!!!!!

Tigsmom

I had my first child at 40 but I had been trying since 36 and my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I had been thinking there was plenty of time but no-one warns you that it may not be so easy to just get pregnant and go full term first time. Had I realised this I would have started much earlier. I had debts when I had my baby but also had a good job so wasn't worried. Then six weeks after returning to work post baby I was made redundant. So my debts then became a problem. We could only just afford payments. That said it didn't stop me having another child two years later. It may sound irresponsable but as you said you cannot let debt stop you from fulfilling your right to have a child. We have struggled for years. You do get child benefit and may get tax credits but it's not much. However, baby things are expensive and everyone will try to get you to buy new. This is not necessary - I have bought lots of stuf off ebay and it's like new. Babies don't wear things out! You don't need all the items on the pregnancy book list (I bought lots of stuff then only used it once or twice and regretted it). My mum was raised during the war, slept in a drawer, bathed in the kitchen sink, had a third hand pram, knitted & pass me down clothes and has been happy and healthy all her life. Now my first baby is 4 and will soon start school. I have just gone back to work part-time and started selling my old baby clothes, toys, cots etc at car boot sales, on ebay and in the local paper. My kids don't have playstations. They have an old vcr and videos are 99p at boot sales. We have a movie night once a week with popcorn. We go to the park. They play in the garden. We go to the library. We fly kites, bake and do crafts. But they don't miss what they never had and are HAPPY. And having children is the best thing I ever did (albeit very tiring!). If you can't pay your debts once you have your baby then write to your creditors, explain that your situation has changed and offer to pay what you can afford until your child is at school and you can go back to work. Whatever you do - don't get further into debt buying expensive designer baby gear. You don't need it and your baby is the most precious thing you'll have and won't mind making do. Trust me, they would rather play with the box than the toy anyway! Good Luck.x

mozzyc

dolly74 wrote: »

Every month my partner and I spend about £610 on my debts (not including mortgage). I am 36 and would like a baby. My doctor has said not to leave it too late as well. I have put it off this long because I cannot see how I could afford the debt and baby as we only have modest jobs.Over the last few years I have managed to get the debt down from approx £21,000 between us to now where its about £16,000. Next year, one of my loans is paid off and that will mean we are paying about £470 a month instead. Realistically, with a baby, I think I could only afford about £200. Is there anyway that you think creditors would accept that per month or can you think of another way round it? It may seem a silly time to plan a baby but then again, I would hate to think i had left it too late because of my money problems and then couldnt have kids at all. I haven't got that much time to play with and as we all know fertility decreases, risks increase etc. Has anyone been through something similar?

I'm also in the same position. 34 this year, and still on my dmp. We have put off having kids for the past 5 years, but have decided to go ahead next year and start trying. I'm also scared it could take a long time. My brother and his wife have been trying now for a few years. Yes payments will be lowered to creditors to start with, but also with us quitting smoking, stopping going out, having a drink, we'll save money there. I won't be one of those who can afford 1 years maternity leave (like most friends), but will go back to work at 6 months more than likely. Then it's childcare (this is where i get nervous). But, we're just going to have to make it work. We've already said that we might keep up our payments to our largest creditor, but reduce the payments to the rest (i know frowned upon, but this is the debt that's going to last the longest). My friend has stored loads of baby stuff from her little boy in her loft, and I will be an avid searcher on freecycle and ebay.

No doubt it'll be hard, but i really can't put this off any longer, and don't want to. We've been together for 15 years, and are ready to start a family. Good luck to you both.

Crinz

I have 1 2yr old daughter and have built up about 6k of debt in the last 2 years of having her. My wife is expecting again now and i was panicking about getting into more debt.
When we look at it though, we get most of my daughters clothes for 10-20p at car boot sales instead of paying £5 in shops. She doesnt care if toys are new and from experience any child will play with a £1 toy from ebay more than the £50 toy from toysrus.

Babies are not expensive, parents living up to expectations are expensive. (our debt was built from always buyingnew in the first year and spending way too much on her)
I wouldnt have changed it for the world though. So what if i am in debt in 20 years time. My children will be all grown up and I can get my stuff back on track.

For me its all about whats more important, money or family? I will go down to 1 meal a day if it meant we could afford a bigger family. You'll be surprised about the sacrifices you will make. And the benefits aint bad either :-)

ps. I'm 25, a full time worker, below average salary with a stay at home wife. not the same situation as you but im sure you will have similar struggles and you will overcome them to have a family

Hannah_10

Dolly you can always always renegotiate with creditors, if you need any help with it at all I am more than happy to help you in any way you can. Your debt is a thing that need dealt with, but not at the expense of your whole life. Having children isn't like wanting a shiny car, it's a basic need and longing that is fundamental to being human.

If you have a baby I do not think you will ever regret it. I think if you don't have a baby on account of debt, the chance of you regretting it forever are sky high. What if you waited until you were 38 and then found it was hard to conceive? You would never forgive yourself for not starting at 36, even if there could have been the same problems at 36 you would still kick yourself.

I'm expecting a baby next month, I had my other child 11 years ago, when I was 19. This pregnancy is undeniably harder, I get pregnancy-niggles now I never had when I was younger, like puffy (painful) ankles. I tell you what though, something that does get easier about being an older mother is that you have had more time to learn what is important and what is not. I didn't have any money the first time round and I am broke again this time round, but the difference in approach is marked.

Last time I scrimped and saved and went without everything to try to get half-decent baby stuff for my daughter. What a total waste of time that was! Leaky nappy poo and wee went on everything she ever slept in at some point in her babyhood (is a fact of life with active babies), everything she ever lay on, sleep or no sleep, got treated to stinky milky vomit! When she grew out of the baby stage then we were onto the toddler/tomboy stage and the vomit and wee got replaced with mud, blood from grazed knees and scab picking, grass stains, ribena, finger paints (truly, you name it, I could have done product testing for Persil!) For the most part her pretty little things washed clean, but of course they faded and wore from the washing machine. Honestly Dolly love you can't win this fight to keep them pretty, the wise advice is don't even try!

A lot of second time mothers will tell you this, but this time it's second hand EVERYTHING. I'll let someone else take the hit on a £300 top of the range pushchair "system", I got mine off Freecycle and it needed a damn good clean and a couple of rusty bolts replacing for pence each. Same again with the cot. Same again with the clothes. In fact I have been able to rustle up so much free stuff that this child had been so far fully kitted out for on £120 plus I still need baby monitors. The Health In Pregnancy Grant (which goes to all expectant mums) is £190, even if I actually have to buy new monitors at £60- I'm still gonna be in profit!

With all clothes up to 2yrs and all washable nappies from birth-potty already sorted, breastfeeding being free and later on solid baby food being simply a case of rusks (cheap) and mashing what I'm eating... I'm seriously reckoning I'm going to end up in credit for this one for the first year even though my sole income is benefit. The only forseeable regular expense would be high electric consumption for washing and drying nappies and sterilising bottles (if I even use them, I wont need them often if I breastfeed, they'd only be so I could have an afternoon off here and there).

Children are expensive, yes yes, we already know that... But if you set out to find as much baby stuff free as you can and you hang all the stupid pretentiousness that you feel you must comply with for your first child and go straight into second-time-round mode from the outset then you will find it can be done on a far tinier budget than you'd think. I worked out that to kit out this baby fully was going to cost £3k-£5k... I'm due next month, it will have actually cost me £190.

So you can have a child and get out of debt perfectly well, it's a lot about making choices for your child with the expense in mind.

Hannah_10

Crinz wrote: »

Babies are not expensive, parents living up to expectations are expensive.

Exactly!

(I got an error message saying my reply was too short, so ignore this sentance it's only here to take up space, I have no more to say than I just did.)

clare64

Dolly I fell preganant when I was 40 - and had identical twins!!! Perfectly healthy.
The chances of having identical twins rises after the age of 37 due to your eggs becoming more fragile!!

goingforward_3

I'd go for the have a baby.

I was lucky and got pregnant with both of mine very quickly but i was 23 and 27 at the time..

But had i left it till now (i'm 36) we probably wouldnt have been able to have children as my husband has recently started on chemotherapy (for his psoratic arthritus) which could either leave him infertile or if we did get pregnant result in a severly deformed baby.

So i guess what i am trying to say is you never know whats around the corner.

As others have said babies dont have to be expensive... we were lucky in that family bought all our big things and we got loads of outfits as presents after they were born. But if you have to buy stuff yourself you can pick up some real bargains on ebay/car boots etc.

Mr.Mulla

My advice would be to start trying for the baby now. As you are well aware of, your chances goes down as the years go by while the pregnancy risk increases. You can always settle your debt little by little over the years but you'll only have a limited time to get pregnant. So think of getting pregnant first.

Best of luck to you.

littlesue

dolly go for it dont wait, i was on the other end of the scale we tried for tweleve years before wefinally gave up, fertility treatment is very expensive we got into debt (still are but getting there). we were 42 when we adopted two babies, yes babies i was most surprised we got them with our age but we did and we love them to bits. like everyone said it doesnt need to be expensvie,you buy second hand do it up if need be but you make do, ebays a great place for bargains and the charity shops, asda, tescos all have great sales thats the best time to get things and primark is just brilliant i love that shop,one women commented on my little girls dress at the school party i loved it when her face dropped when i said primark! so dont wait i say i think you should go for it you ll be amazed at the benefits you get we were. good luck dolly and i wish you all the best
ps everyone i m sorry for my spelling never any good at it!