baby versus debt

dolly74_2

Every month my partner and I spend about £610 on my debts (not including mortgage). I am 36 and would like a baby. My doctor has said not to leave it too late as well. I have put it off this long because I cannot see how I could afford the debt and baby as we only have modest jobs.Over the last few years I have managed to get the debt down from approx £21,000 between us to now where its about £16,000. Next year, one of my loans is paid off and that will mean we are paying about £470 a month instead. Realistically, with a baby, I think I could only afford about £200. Is there anyway that you think creditors would accept that per month or can you think of another way round it? It may seem a silly time to plan a baby but then again, I would hate to think i had left it too late because of my money problems and then couldnt have kids at all. I haven't got that much time to play with and as we all know fertility decreases, risks increase etc. Has anyone been through something similar?

DarkConvict

You do still have some time left, I'm the youngest in the family and my mom was ~39 when she had me.

Currently if you can get the debts down more you save on interest meaning you snowball the debts quicker. So i would continue to focus on the debts. But then again I'm a 23 year old male who doesn't want kids for years to come.

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx
£21,000 averaged at 15%APR, repaying £470 a month.
It will take you 65 months to pay off these debts if you snowball correctly. During that time, you'll pay £9,358.00 in interest.

£21,000 averaged at 15%APR, repaying £200 a month.
It will take you 800 months to pay off these debts if you snowball correctly. During that time, you'll pay £100,439,060.00 in interest.
^^The above shows at £200 a month its unaffordable and you would never meet the min payments!

When you default on debts the charges and interest tend to increase the level and debt, and can seriously increase the stress in your life from collection departments.

Butti

As you are no doubt aware fertility starts to dive off once you get over 35. I have a friend who got pregnant at just over 40 within 2 months of trying and another who has been trying for about 4 years and is now 40 and very angry and bitter. You don't know how it will land for you.

Presuming you are healthy and there are no underlying problems (Endometeosis etc.) I would be tempted to try once you have paid your loan off next year. If you have to plan your repayments over a longer period then so be it. Unfortunatly you are only here once and you don't get to turn the clock back.

B

immoral_angeluk

I was a 'surprise' for my mum, who had me at 45. The doctors told her to abort me as I was risking her health! :eek:
Anyway, there is no right time for a baby. I've got 2 children (albeit I'm 25) and were in fair amount of debt when I had my first, don't forget you'll get additional benefits. So long as you budget carefully then I shouldn't see any reason why you shouldn't go for it now!

Jimby509

My mum had children in her 40's with no problem, my wife got pregnant the first time we tried (she is 35). But we have friends who have been trying to concive for years. There is no telling how hard/easy it will be for you to get pregnant and the rates of e.g. Downs Synd go up massively with the age of the mother, hence us not wanting to wait around.

I assume you will get maternity leave? Check the benefits you will be entitled to with a child. After never getting a penny from the state we were shocked to see what we were actualy entitled to with children.

Also having a baby need not be expensive, we carboot, ebay etc you don't need to get the biggest and best thing from Mothercare.

Just my opinion but given your OP I would say now is the time to try.

Whatever you choose, good luck. J

Pee

I am the same age as you and despite the lovely stories of late motherhood, my advice would be to start trying as soon as possible. If you were younger then dealing with your debts first would be ideal, but if you really want children and are with the right partner, go for it.

dfitps

It's a tough decision. I suppose the 'worst-case scenario' that you need to prepare yourself for is bankruptcy, and the tough decision is between that and the 'worst-case scenario' of missing out on starting a family at all.

If you are serious about wanting children, then I would say start now, but focus all your energies on finding any way you can to survive the financial implications of that. Read up like mad about breastfeeding for a start - the more you know about that the less likely you are to be forced to switch to formula early due to something not going smoothly. It will save you a lot of money over a year. Babies really don't need much stuff - don't buy anything new except for cot mattress and car seat - so I guess the biggest costs will be childcare or reduced salary due to not working - do you have family who can do childcare, can you work alternate shifts with your partner so you can avoiding needing it at all? Once you become pregnant, that's the sort of thing you need to look into.

I think I'd start now, if you're going to start at all. It does go against the general principle of fixing debts first, but 36 is late to start trying (been there done that - had my own kids in my mid/late thirties). It can take a while to get pregnant, the odd early miscarriage (commoner than you'd think) also takes up time - in what seems like no time at all you can be two or three years into trying and not yet have a successful pregnancy. (With your level of debt I guess you have to accept that you'll probably need to stop at one and hope and pray it's not twins, though!)

Of course, if you think actually you'd be OK not to have kids - then leave it later and happily accept the risk that you may have none at all. You don't have to have kids to have a happy life, so don't feel pushed into it if you're not sure, especially in circumstances like yours where it will increase money stress. But if you think you'll be dreadfully unhappy not to have had children, then I'd start soon, because 36 is already quite late.

Primrose2004

I think if I were you i'd look at the benefits you'd get if you were to have a baby. Would you go back to work if you had a baby? There's lots of things to think about so I think i'd be matter of fact about it. Work out how much you'd get if you had a baby and see if it's viable.

But, and this is just a personal opinion, I wouldn't wait. As others say you have no way of knowing how long it will take you to get pregnant. everyone is different and although you're not old you are getting to the stage where if you do have problems conceiving it might be getting late to sort through the issues. A friend of mine tried for a long time and it took years to go through all the tests and get an outcome.

nomorecredit

Hi there, it is a difficult decision to make and I completely understand. I will be 36 in January and we have been trying for a baby for 7 years and have one failed IVF attempt behind us. I have had debt with various credit cards, store cards, catalogues and loans since I was 18 but I am now on the right road. I am throwing every spare money I have to my debt now I just want rid of it but it has never stopped us trying even when my debt was at it's highest, I was hitting my 30's at this point. After our IVF this year my LBM arrived and I more determind than ever to pay off my debt once and for all, I will finally be debt free (fingers crossed!!) by April 2011. I have cut all my spending down to the bare minium and budget and revise my budget constantly it is very addictive this debt busting but I am determind. There were times where I did think I shouldn't be even contemplating having a baby until I sort myself out even though we want so much to be parents and I hope I don't appear selfish in saying this but I am so glad we did and that we continue to try. Good luck with everything - hope it all works out for you x x

dolly74_2

Dark Convict - i think you misunderstand - I had £21,000 of debt, its now about £16,000 so it has gone down.
I suppose what I was wanting to know/hear experience of is if creditors accept lower payments. For example I have a credit card which I pay £90 a month on. Has anyone had experience of them freezing the interest or anything like that?
My outgoings taking into account minimum payments on loans/credit cards etc/mortgage/fuel/food as low as we could get it etc would be £1350. Currently together we earn after tax about £2000 but with a baby I know that either one of us would have to stay at home or we would have to pay child care. Again, does anyone have exp of what benefits we could get if one of us stayed at home/worked part time?
At the moment, I am not absolutely crazy I MUST HAVE A BABY or anything but this may because I know I may still have time. It's easy to be relaxed until you start trying and then don't get anywhere.

Choc-addict

Hi,

Just been reading through your post and have been having the same coversations with my OH just last week, i'm only coming up 32 but wanting 2 children and I have 40k debt it's a no go at the moment.

Anyhow, enough of me....I think if you go to entitledto.co.uk or something along those lines you can put in details of what may be i.e 1 child, 1 income (make it up I guess) and it should give you an idea.

As for creditors, I would call them tell them you are struggling and ask if they can help??

Is it possible for OH to change jobs, earn more, perhaps go for promotion (that's presuming you would stay at home with baby?) or perhaps you work part time after baby is born to keep monies coming in. There are lots of things you can do and as someone said before a baby only has to be as expensive as you make it.

Good luck, I really hope it all works out for you x