Buffy's Adventures at the Post Office......

Souk08

What a lovely post Lula. Buffy Lula is right, only YOU can change YOUR situation. Counselling sounds like a fab idea, you've dealt with some carp stuff really well.

For what it's worth, a deposit nowadays could take a while and its not too late to live the life you want but time does keep ticking on so rather than waiting for your life to start whilst you save, would you think about renting? That way you can be out living an independent life very soon and not in the middle of all this. You may not agree with this and if you'd rather live at home and save then go for it, just an idea lady X

Lula-Hula

Following on from what Souk suggest re renting, I heard on the news recently that the average age of a first time buyer in London is now 43 ! Add in the fact of probably needing a huge deposit too, & it all gets a bit scary.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thank you ladies xxx

I had thought about counselling but can't actually imagine doing it. I have a good friend who is a counsellor, she thinks the situation with my sister is something I am dealing with but I can't see it - cos I am in the middle. She has known me a long time and reminded me last how thing used to be. I am definitely more honest with Mum and don't feel like it is all my fault.

I think the problem I have is that I feel like I do loads (of practical stuff) and try very hard to keep the peace, make sure "everything is alright", up until a year ago I made massive efforts to try and find shared activities, to attempt to keep the idea of family going but they (sis and Bf) made it clear they didn't want that any more (and have repeated that this year so hey! screw you!!)

and inspite of her rudeness(to older Sis esp), lack of commitment to anything other then herself and her boyfriend she NEVER gets called on it any of it, she continually plays the victim, Mum protects her and says (in our more heated arguments) she can't stand it because if sis knew I felt like this it would devastate her and be so hurt (I tend to think she would think oh crap I have been found out).

I understand or at least try to understand that Mum cannot show favourites and to be so critical of her would be in effect holding me/older sis up as some kind of model daughter(s) the fallout from which would be impossible to recover from.

That is crux (sp) of the problem, I want validation from Mum and a recognition that I am appreciated. For the above reasons this is not going to happen, slowly (and like most important things is is flipping slow) I am realising that I must validate myself, I am doing the right thing for the right reasons, it is not fair of me to put Mum in the position of choosing, of saying literally oh you are better than X. Truthfully I don't need that. I know Mum is pleased and relieved about the stuff I have done, I cannot ask her to hurt her other child to "prove" this. That is kinda mean!

Mum is lovely to me and I don't exactly feel she prefers my sis, I think at times she does, sis is easy, always the same has a routine never rocks the boat and then there is me, unpredictable some times sad/stressed/angry and with a passion for my job that neither sister has. I m quite tiring I think - certainly in comparision. I have different expectations. And I want change(where as sis doesn't, she wants security and routine (well to some extent I think we all do and I have been guilty of that too untill recently) I want to make sure as much as I can that Mum is happy and safe (amongest other things)

As time goes on and I am almost out of debt and almost driving I really feel things can move on in so many areas. This nonrelationship with my sister is something I need to keep a check on........the angry thing, well I shall put it to good use

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to think out loud like this. I have edited and re-edited this post so many times!!

thank you again

Buffyxx

beanielou

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Thank you ladies xxx

I had thought about counselling but can't actually imagine doing it. I have a good friend who is a counsellor, she thinks the situation with my sister is something I am dealing with but I can't see it - cos I am in the middle. She has known me a long time and reminded me last how thing used to be. I am definitely more honest with Mum and don't feel like it is all my fault.

I think the problem I have is that I feel like I do loads (of practical stuff) and try very hard to keep the peace, make sure "everything is alright", up until a year ago I made massive efforts to try and find shared activities, to attempt to keep the idea of family going but they (sis and Bf) made it clear they didn't want that any more (and have repeated that this year so hey! screw you!!)

and inspite of her rudeness(to older Sis esp), lack of commitment to anything other then herself and her boyfriend she NEVER gets called on it any of it, she continually plays the victim, Mum protects her and says (in our more heated arguments) she can't stand it because if sis knew I felt like this it would devastate her and be so hurt (I tend to think she would think oh crap I have been found out).

I understand or at least try to understand that Mum cannot show favourites and to be so critical of her would be in effect holding me/older sis up as some kind of model daughter(s) the fallout from which would be impossible to recover from.

That is crux (sp) of the problem, I want validation from Mum and a recognition that I am appreciated. For the above reasons this is not going to happen, slowly (and like most important things is is flipping slow) I am realising that I must validate myself, I am doing the right thing for the right reasons, it is not fair of me to put Mum in the position of choosing, of saying literally oh you are better than X. Truthfully I don't need that. I know Mum is pleased and relieved about the stuff I have done, I cannot ask her to hurt her other child to "prove" this. That is kinda mean!

Mum is lovely to me and I don't exactly feel she prefers my sis, I think at times she does, sis is easy, always the same has a routine never rocks the boat and then there is me, unpredictable some times sad/stressed/angry and with a passion for my job that neither sister has. I m quite tiring I think - certainly in comparision. I have different expectations. And I want change(where as sis doesn't, she wants security and routine (well to some extent I think we all do and I have been guilty of that too untill recently) I want to make sure as much as I can that Mum is happy and safe (amongest other things)

As time goes on and I am almost out of debt and almost driving I really feel things can move on in so many areas. This nonrelationship with my sister is something I need to keep a check on........the angry thing, well I shall put it to good use

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to think out loud like this. I have edited and re-edited this post so many times!!

thank you again

Buffyxx

So in other words you are a real human being with real thoughts & emotions.Never feel that you have to apologise for that.
You are you and thats what makes you a lovely person & a fab daughter and friend.You think about your mum and how to accomodate her as best you can which seems to be more than your sister does from what I can see.
Keep doing as you are doing and dont change xxxx

Lula-Hula

Great to read that you are thinking things through & feel that you are dealing with it all.

Best wishes
xx

Butti

Buffy,

Excellent advice as usual. I have very little to add....just that if you need to physically 'get' the anger out, boxing classes are excellent. I used to go with someone from work and we used to superimpose someone else's head from work on to the punchbag.

Writing down and then burning also seems to work. Gets the thoughts externalised so they don't just go round and round and round.

I've met you and I thought you were very nice (although you could have turned in the last few weeks :rotfl:)

B

youareallhelpingme

Hi Buffy, good to see you get it all out on "paper". If she tried to join your group of friends you would not get on and not become friends so why do humans assume that just because you are sisters you have to get on and be best friends.

You don't have to do things with them, discuss things with them if they are really irrelevant - they dont live there so why should they chose what happens??????

I love my sister but if I had too much to do with her she would drive me insane .

Buffythedebtslayer

just a quick mid week check in to say I am still in the black with the bank despite everything costing LOADS this month. I have enough to pay for my driving lesson tomorrow and not leave the house all weekend!! but hey am doing ok. Had a migraine and the relief of not being in pain any more is pretty amazing. Am in serious trouble at work - well I am on the verge but the way my place works I am always on the verge!! Things are changing for the worse there, but oddly I am not bothered, I have figured out a way to deal with the worst case scenario, not great but definitely workable.

should get paid soon too which is another step closer....................xxxx


ooo and I paid £8 off my loan (last of the big spenders here! so loan should be 1358.98


And........I got a possibly interesting letter from the Student loans company which I am trying not to get excited about...

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning,

well there are 4 minutes of left!!

not feeling too great at the moment. I feel bloated and achey. and my tummy hurts.

Self pity aside I avoided serious trouble at work because i am very lucky. that's it I am just very lucky.

SO I am ON HOLIDAY for a Week! SO chuffed about that. And I ignored 3 texts from the ex last night!

got lots to do mind you. but at the moment just going to finish my hot water and watch a bit of Buffy. oh and plan my new guinea pig cage, fish tank and other fish tank...................which is technically a pond...............he he xxx

Lula-Hula

Happy Holiday

xx