Money Moral Dilemma: How much board should I charge?

G4TED

My partner’s daughter is 18 and has just started a full time job. She was at uni part-time before that and my partner gave her £30 per week, plus paid for expenses such as mobile, clothes and gym. She’s now earning over £200 a week and we’ve asked her to pay £30 a week towards board, so she can learn the value of money. She thinks it isn’t fair and says she’ll only pay £20. Should we make her pay up?

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Way back in 1992 my elder son was 19, had finished his education and ALL of his financial assitance had come to a stop. As a single parent (Both of my sons stayed with me at the time of the breakup) I found it pretty hard trying to hold down a full time job and make sure they were both fed and clothed as well as pay the morgage and all of the bills.
SO, when he finally stopped his education I said...WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, this is the one where you have to put your hand in your pocket and PAY for the stuff you want......how about £20.00 a week towards your board and lodgings WHEN you get a job? I am not expecting you to go racing out and take the 1st thing that comes along, but there is only so long I can keep subsidising your lifestyle.

HIS ANSWER.....
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT........

Three days later ..HE MOVED OUT and was sleeping on a friends sofa and paying THEM £20.00 a week for the "privilage"

he later told ME, that he couldn't stand the "discipline" at home and a few months later....He joined the ARMY!!

Nearly 20 years later I am still trying to get my head round that one.
What is doing now? I don't have a clue....What am *I* doing now?

Remarried to a lovely LADY and enjoying the life I could have had earlier if I hadn't been looking after my kids.
(YES, I am their FATHER)

Do I regret it? NOT A MINUTE,

HINDSIGHT....IF I had known THEN what I know NOW, he would have left school at 16 and gone and got a job and been paying his way.

TELL (don't ask) this lazy girl to open her purse and pay you what it is worth to YOU for her to live there.....
SHAPE UP, OR SHIP OUT.

been a long time since I suffered fools gladly and wouldn't want to be treated like one.....again? YEAH RIGHT!

Clowance

MDE wrote: »

if the OP was able to take money off her and put it in a savings account, there is clearly no desperate financial need for the daughter to pay board, so why the argument over a £10 difference?:(

You don't need to tell dd that you are saving whatever for her future - it can come as a nice surprise much later on! Hence won't affect her knowing the value of money. The OH might back you up on it if you do it this way too.

Letzer

I think it's obvious that she is getting a great deal for just £20 or £30 per week. However, perhaps there is more going on than meets the eye?

Is your partner supporting you in this? How is he handling the situation?

Best of luck

allsinginganddancing

I'd charge her £20 for the first year so she can learn to save and manage her money. I would stress that she should be self sufficient by buying her own personal products and doing her own ironing etc.

I would not pay for her mobile, gym etc and would stress that after an initial blow-out (come on we've all been 18) that she has to save a minimum of £5/10 a week as part of the two-way conversation.

Part of growing up must be to compromise and feel like you have had a say in the decision

The_MoneySavingKid

penny_forum wrote: »

Add up the monthly cost of food, mortgage, elec, gas, water etc then divide it by the number of earners in the household and that'll be the charge for one persons board for 1 month....Multiply x12 then divide by 52 to work out the weekly charge. :cool:

Why include the mortgage? I fail to see why the daughter should have to pay for that. And then it also has to be taken into account, what she does not use, that would be unfair to even consider charging her.

Lalita

It seems everyone is advocating making the girl give money to teach her the value of money. But, there are more important ways to teach her how to save money and let her know she has a safe space to stay with family.

Instead of asking for 30 quid a week in rent, tell her to put that amount into a new no-access savings account each week, and that you will want proof that this is being deposited at the end of every month. The money is hers but she can't touch it before the end of the term (preferably a year). This will teach her how to save and the value of saving.

At the same time, tell her she is expected to contribute to housework and cooking for the family. This will teach her how to be self-sufficient. Spending this time together with the family will also help strengthen the bond between you and her, which is more important in the long run.

The message should be about helping her to be a more responsible and self-sufficient adult, not about how she needs to give money to stay with her family. The family home should be a safe haven, where children can return at any time and enjoy unconditional love.

scarpetta82

I think the key thing here is that she is no longer a child, and is now an adult, and should not be referred to as such.

I was in the unfortunate position to have returned home at age 18, with a baby in tow, and on benefits, out of what was then £80 a week benefit for me and said child, my mum made me pay £30. Anything I needed for my baby was to be bought out of the remainder, phone credit I had to pay for, mum had a pin code on the landline. I had to use the internet at college or the library. Anything that I wanted different from what was on offer foodwise etc, I had to buy for myself, aswell as all toiletries etc etc. you get the picture. I had to pitch in with chores also, as well as attending college full time,and looking after a baby. AS soon as i could, I got a job, at this point as my mother was on benefits also it meant she lost entitlement to housing benefit and council tax, the key being that I was no longer a dependant having reached the age of majority. I was earning about £200 a week after paying childcare costs and the such and had to pay the rent and council tax and still the £30 a week, with a tot ,and still had to cover my travel costs. things my kid needed and more of the food i preferred to eat, necessities, and any luxuries.

I would say that for one person she is getting a sweet deal. The fact is she is no longer a child and SHOULD be contributing to her keep, to the family pot, not for any profit, not for the mortgage, not for anything like that, but for the sheer priviledge of being able to live in comfort. The minute i moved out into my own place I struggled, as there was far more to pay out, and in all fairness, I think £30 a week for my SHARE of the household was fair. Someone keeps harping on about FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY, well clearly the girl has no sense of FAMILY and neither do they, as family want to help each other out, and would not begrudge them the money they have fairly asked for. you could molly coddle your kids for the rest of their life, and when they throw a hissy fit, back down and let them have their way, well maybe your parents did that to you and you have learnt that is acceptable! but it truly isnt. I have four kids, and if my nine year old has been told to tidy his room, and he turns round and says to me, well im only putting five toys away, you can do the rest, its your job, im your kid. Is that acceptable. no its not! its about teaching them responsibility. will my 9yo have me picking up after him when he is 30? no. its like everything else, as they get older they are taught life lessons. when my kids reach uni, i may cushion their lifestyle for them, so they are not plagued with money worry, whilst trying to work on the important exams of their life, and the groundstone of what is their future employment and what can get them a job, so they never have to worry about money. but the minute they are no longer in education, they will get a job, and they will contribute to the cost of living, we are a family and we love each other. if they were to stay with three other friends they would pay a quarter. I think it would only be fair, depending on how many are at home, they pay the relevant fraction of the household cost. regardless.I love them all and would do anything for them, and would never dream of profiting from them. but if I were to share the house with other adults, I would expect we all pay the same. Otherwise where do you draw the line at paying out for their lifestyle, and paying for them to live? and when can you start enjoying the money you work hard for yourself! I cannot wait for the day that I will finally have spare pennys to go out and have a hair cut, be able to go for a nice meal without using vouchers! Either the kids move out or pay their way. I cannot afford to pay for them the REST of their life! The line has to be drawn somewhere, or you just end up with disaster!

Or you could be like my 23 YO brother who refuses to pay rent, refuses to help round the house, has moved his girlfriend in, and then had a baby, BOTH WORK and are earning! my nephew goes off to his other nans for the weekend,everyweeked.Mum cooks meals for them everyday of the week, if she doesnt he will have a go, even if they end up THROWING IT AWAY and getting takeout. they spend all their money on takeouts, cigarettes and booze on this weekend of freedom, and they dont pay my mum a penny, in fact HE gets violent when asked, and threatens to block access to my nephew if she asks him to get his own place, they will probably still live there until she dies. So, give your kids a cushy lifestyles, and see where it gets you. Be like my mum if you want. have the michael taken out of her!

monaleezza

One option is to give her complete responsibility for one the of the main household bills. Either Gas, Electric, Council Tax, or a combination of 2 smaller bills.

It wasn't until I started paying for actual bills that I started to think about how often the Central Heating stayed on for, or how many lights stayed on when there was nobody in the room.

If she won't pay some bills or rent of £30 or more, then she can find someone and somewhere where she can live for £30 or less. Good luck to her on that one.

Nicksmum

I reckon about 50-60 quid is reasonable.If she refuses to pay, tell her to go and find somewhere else to live, I'd love to see her find somewhere to rent in the private sector for £30 a week!
I used to pay my parents £10 per week back in the 80's and really resented it,I soon wished I could pay that again when I moved out!:D

natterer_2

My parents always said they felt that most people pay 1/3 of their income towards housing and that we should do the same. So when my brother was doing an apprenticeship at £60 a week he paid £20. When he started earning £25k a year it went up enough to make him buy his own place! When I was a student I paid 1/3 of my holiday earnings whenever I was at home (so if had earned £200 I would have paid £60-odd quid).

I have a young person living with me through supported lodgings at the moment. I am paid £60 week rent (via housing benefit) plus a £20 support fee. The young person pays me a further £20 a week contribution to food and utilities out of their income support or other benefits - this amount is to teach the young person to budget, as they don't handle the housing benefit themselves. I hear a lot of excuses about this contribution (from 'I didn't come home for dinner this week so I shouldn't pay it' to 'I'm going on holiday and need the money' to 'I had to buy new trousers') but I think it's important that there is some regular payment made by these young people, who are ubable to live with their families and are learning to be independent.

I do think that a lot of young people have trouble prioritising with money, and think that new clothes, phone credit and nights out are more essential than paying the rent. Housing costs ALWAYS come first, and that's an important lesson.

As for Money Saving Kid asking why she should help pay the mortgage - what do you think rent paid to a private landlord does, except help finance his property empire?! At least you stand a chance of inheriting some of it back off your parents

From a money point of view - yes, I would charge more than £30 a week. From a family point of view - unless all the adults are in agreement, it's not going to work!