Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

dirtyepic

Okay now!!

I am not even going to read over my last post because I don't want to get all tetchy again (adult ego state taking over!!)

So I am kind of glad I wrote it all down and got it off my chest even though it mightn't make any sense to most people.

It's Friday night, Baldy is downstairs cooking up a lush curry from scratch (a weightwatchers recipe) and I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend with him.

So here's to a decent weekend for everyone!

dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Ooh another post tonight.

Must post this just in case I ever forget......

I have just received a text from a lovely ex-work colleague of mine who's has a beautiful baby who I haven't even met yet!

She hit the nail on the head with the following comment and I will have to remember this in times of feeling bad about so long away from work.

I am way more important than my boss's opinion - don't ever forget that.

He doesn't have your best interests or health at heart, no matter what he says.


Blimey it's as if she's been a fly on the wall and seen me opening up to my boss (not as much as when I was depressed and felt he was a confidante as well as my manager - I soon felt the wrath of his two-facedness) But I have been trusting him again and felt rubbish this week when realised I had let my guard down again!

But I am happier this evening and going to continue to make this weekend a great one!

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

Hi DE, sorry to hear of all the kerfuffles at work - some OUTRAGEOUS things going on by the sounds of it, and you have every right to be cross about it.

How good are you though, having a rant and then being grown up about it! It's nice to think we can be all sensible and rational all the time, but we are human and it's good to get stuff out of your system so it doesn't eat away at you.

It's not forever and you are planning alternatives, so enjoy your weekend (and hope curry was as delicious as it sounds, some of the WW ones are fantastic! Might cook one myself now!!)

50 sleeps hey, not bad at all! :j

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl wrote: »

Hi DE, sorry to hear of all the kerfuffles at work - some OUTRAGEOUS things going on by the sounds of it, and you have every right to be cross about it.

How good are you though, having a rant and then being grown up about it! It's nice to think we can be all sensible and rational all the time, but we are human and it's good to get stuff out of your system so it doesn't eat away at you.

Yep I am clean out of 'GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRs' now. Put things into perspective, listened to advice and just cracked with my life. You can't keep sensible and not blow your fuse every now and again can you?!

It's not forever and you are planning alternatives, so enjoy your weekend (and hope curry was as delicious as it sounds, some of the WW ones are fantastic! Might cook one myself now!!)

The curry was so tasty and delicious and today at WW I have lost 1.5lb which brings my total to 18lbs which now makes it 10% of my body weight and also I am at a healthy BMI. So Dirtyepic is a very happy bunny. My friend reached her 5% and we both were given a round of applause by the group meeting attendees. We both went as red as my hair!!

50 sleeps hey, not bad at all! :j

Yep, well make that now 49 sleeps. So that's 49 sleeps to make some pennies, to lose a bit more weight and to remedy this back, maybe even tackle the Fat Controller and his underhand comments.

Ooh hark at me getting all confident and positive!!

What's your plans for this weekend? I can't remember if you have a wedding. Oops no I think you may be going shopping!!! Wow!! Hope you get what you want and have a brill weekend!

Today I am hoping to have a potter around the CS in my local town (not a nice place to visit and I usually try to not visit too often) I am looking for children's books and old fabric and some odd pieces of crockery to attempt to make a vintage style cake stand!

My mam's sewing machine (which I have inherited because my other sisters aren't interested) is off to be serviced and I am missing it! I was loving trying to create objects that I thought I would never achieve! The gentleman who came to collect it is a right old character, the ultimate professional and font of all knowledge when it comes to sewing machines. He said its probably about 40 years old and a very good model of machine. It's quite basic but that's all I need at the moment. It's going to cost around £40 to be serviced and hopefully that's all it needs. Baldy said it can come out of the joint account so I am very happy about that, in fact he actually asked if I needed a new one but I really want to use mam's. I got all emotional the other day when I realised that the machine I was using to play around with is the same one that she used to make our school uniforms on! Amazing! That thought makes me smile big smiles!!

Right I have rested the old back and now I am going to have to leave Calamity Jane (can you believe I am watching a good old Saturday Matinee!! - another childhood memory! Telling Mam I was bored and she would always tell me to watch the Saturday Matinee or help her with the housework - the matinee won every time!!!) and hit the charity shops before it starts to rain!

Till later on diary and LHG.

dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Right, then. Not long been back from the CS trawl. 4 out of 5 shops visited and one load of goodies dropped off at my local hospice charity shop (I like this one the best!!)

So I went out to look for some crockery to trial our cake stand experiment, some decent fabric, old Enid Blyton books, very old Gerald Kelly 1960s picture.

Now I did return with 6 plates costing 1.90, 1 enid blyton book costing 40p and 50 Cath Kidston Christmas Cards for this year costing £2.50 (reduced from £20!)

The Gerald Kelly picture is an object I have been after for a couple of years now and I will find it one day without paying ridiculous amounts for it on ebay.

So I think my CS expedition was quite successful and I have lots to be cracking on with in the absence of the sewing machine.

Plus the added bonus of my first purchase for Christmas. The majority of the presents are going to be purchased on holiday - all the kids are getting Disney t-shirts! Me too!! Dad will be getting some of his from duty free as will my pals and sister. Sorted!!

Right! Must dash, my pal's just knocked at the door!!

dirtyepic

Morning Diary,

A quick note to just update what on earth's going on in my little life.

Work is a bit weird but that's to expect. I am having to ask for help with regards how to deal with what's been happening (not going to mention too much just yet but needless to say I feel I have been let down by my manager again) I have been onto the Matrix and asked the professionals over there for their advice and they have totally calmed, motivated and inspired me so I still feel in control, at least)

Money is tight. I have so much to think about at the moment:
- holiday starts 29.10.11 need to get some saving done
- Baldy's birthday on 15.10.11 (this is in hand, just have to pull me finger out!)
- potential job loss due to this back issue so have to get the credit card to go!

Money making is going well. The ebay sales seem to be quite steady, I don't know if I am quite reaching the magic £5 a day but it's got to be quite close.

I withdraw £50 a time from my paypal straight to my ebay bank account and need to get one more payment in to take it over the £50.

I withdrew £50 last week but that's almost gone now.

I am currently working on a couple of side projects to a) make good use of my time; b) try to earn a little more cash; c) build up my cv to a more creative one to try and help me get back into that kind of industry eventually (may be sooner than I expect though).

So far this week:

NSD - Mon/Tues
£5 a day - Sun/Mon/Tues/Wed/Thurs/
Spends: Sunday - 2 x Mail on Sunday Newspapers =£2.60
Monday - NSD
Tuesday - NSD
Wednesday - IKEA: Crockery and Picture Frames (potential to sell on) = £25.62
- IKEA: small pictures =£2.50 and candle for office = £1.29


The big spend at IKEA is investment in my little cottage industry hopefully. I am currently the process of 'creating' and making some really lovely stuff so I don't know if I could count that as my spends or money making spend!

Anyway apparently kasabian are on the telly and my pal has just text me so I should really watch it

Till later!

Dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Deep breaths........

Shut my eyes, count to ten, deep breaths. Now do your stretches.......

This week is going to be an interesting one:
Monday: spend the morning with my pal who made some unbelievably delicious soup for dinner with flat breads and showed me what to do and I can't wait to make it again!
Tuesday: contact Occ Health doctor to chase up a couple of queries on the report. Orthopaedic Surgeon appointment this afternoon. I chased after a cancellation and got one for today instead of November!! This will probably be the deciding factor on whether I will be able to travel for my holidays on 29.10.11. Although my manager has already 'told' me that I 'cannot go on holiday but it's okay you will be able to get a full refund' (yep, his words)
Must prepare for appt and get all paperwork together. Contact work after appointment to update them.
Wednesday: day to myself I think. Going to get lovely sewing and photography stuff done, a bit of ebay to catch up with too
Thursday: First physio appointment, hopefully arrange second appointment, contact work after appointment to update them.
Friday: 2pm Care and Concern Meeting with Manager and HR advisor. Baldy is coming with me as support. Absolutely dreading this.
Saturday: weightwatchers at 10.30am. Love the short walk up there and the coffee and curlywurly straight after we get weighed! It's all pointed - don't worry! Hope to see twins and take them to Discovery Museum (with me filled full of painkillers) At least I will be able to sit down whenever I want and let them both run around.
Sunday: ebay day and day of rest
Monday: might be last day of sick leave as I have doctors appointment. Have to ask what she thinks as OH doctor advised 2 or 3 sessions of physio before return to work.


So that's the week ahead for me.

Not a good one and not one to look forward to.

This week could decide whether I can go on the holiday we have talked about and planned for 2 years and saved and paid for for almost a year.

This week will see me sit face to face with my manager after reading the hurtful things he wrote on my Occ Health referral form which really had nothing to do with me being absent from work with a bad back.

This week will give me some indication as to whether I am fighting for my job.

This week will be the biggest test after beating the depression and stress issues and seeing if the counselling has been successful enough to make me strong enough to deal with it all.

This week will test the anxiety medication that I am still taking.

It's not doing too good so far and I can feel myself getting so anxious in my chest, in my tummy and I am getting the internal shakes every now and again when thinking about what I have to face and the unprofessionalism of my manager and his documented underhand tactics so far.

Deep breaths.

Now how are we going to get moneymaking???

Hopefully my next post will be of a more positive tone!

Okay then, debtbusting so far this week.

Sun: NSD - £5 made
Mon: NSD - £5 made
Tues: NSD - £5 made

Ebay fees to be paid. I am trying to do this on a weekly basis and then it's not a horrible amount to be paid every month!

Currently trying to make a cushion cover with piping around the edge and finding that rather fiddly and difficult at the moment and probably won't be doing it again!

Okay, I'm off now to have a nice relaxing bath (for 10 mins) then coffee time, get the washing out and sew a bit more.

Got to keep my mind clear, got to keep my thoughts positive. Got to remember that it's up to me how my life changes, it's my life and I have to let people know the truth and not the allegations that my manager has made against me.

Till later

dirtyepic

ps I am not going to proof read this post because it has been written over the period of about two hours and it shows my thoughts exactly as they happen!

Is this a blip to my recovery of my stress and depression issues or just a massive test??!!! A TEST!! yes it's a test!!

lionheartedgirl

crikey this sounds serious DE, I'm glad baldy is going with you. think he needs to see face to face what you are having to deal with

sounds like you are doing extremely well coping with it all, but blimey what a testing situation.

Good luck and I am thinking of you

have a dodgy hug!! :grouphug:

dirtyepic

...... best get it all out of my head and onto my diary then!


Hi Diary,

I have got quite a lot to update here. Some moneysaving some not!

Moneysaving/Debt busting, this week so far:

Sun: NSD/made £4.50/PAD
Mon: NSD/made £6.00/PAD
Tues: Spent £1.49/made 0.00/PAD
Wed: NSD/made £7.70/PAD
Thurs: NSD/made £9.50 so far/PAD

Achievements so far this week:
Made a cushion cover with piping around it for the first time. It took quite a long time and the cover ended up a little bit too big so I will need a 18"x18" cushion to fit into it to look really plump.

Currently in the process of making a little girl's dress (hopefully a sales line in the future)

'No Spend Days' Success: My NSD are doing extremely well. The £1.49 was actually from the £2 coin I had remaining from my weekends spending money, although all I spent at the weekend was about £5 in total!

Local Community Association Newsletter: I have volunteered my typesetting and graphic design skills to a local CA and sent my proof of the newsletter to their manager earlier this week for approval/comments. This is my first attempt in about 7 or 8 years and I loved every minute of it. The software is completely new and I managed to work my way around it and achieve exactly what I wanted to. I just need to hear from the manager to find out if its what they were after.

Exercise: I managed to walk 2.68 miles on Sunday and even though I was absolutely drained and so very tired afterwards it's the furthest I have walked in ages.

So my list of achievements are:
Made a different kind of cushion cover
Made a lovely little girl's dress
Learnt the new software that I have wanted to for ages
Created a newsletter
Walked further than I have in two months
Had more NSD than spend days in one week.

Now for the not so good news, this is what's on my mind today....

- still can't get a definitive answer from any medical professional with regards recommendations of to go on holiday or not to go on holiday.

- this then means we may not be able to get insurance to cover the cancellation.

- I am quite positive that we are covered if my new diagnosis is definitely documented as 'severe wear and tear and arthritis'.

- the Orth Surgeon appointment didn't go as planned and I received no definitive answers from him but after waiting 24 hours and calling his secretary she has explained that nothing can be recommended until after the MRI scan even though the x-ray revealed the current diagnosis.

- All he said was that I shouldn't wrap myself up in cotton wool and to get on with living my life. Which I am actually doing to the best of my ability but if nobody is giving me definite answers as to how far I should push myself and whether anything will do further damage I am in flippin limbo.

- My physio session today was more forthcoming with information.
I am to repeat my exercises throughout the day, every three hours.
I am to up my other gentle exercise very gradually, walk/cycle/swim for 10 minutes initially then increase times. So I have an alarm set on my phone for every 3 hours and I have done my 10 minute walk this morning and will repeat at teatime.
He said that my muscles are stiffening up and these exercises will help loads.
He said I could drive, but didn't say whether long distances would be okay for work. (My manager has previously said he would like me out of the office 4 times a week!)
So following this and how flustered I got and how I didn't ask all of my prepared questions, I have called and am awaiting a return call to ask him.
I am also going to ask if he thinks I could go on holiday or not. My manager will be asking tomorrow during the dreaded C&C meeting so I would really like to be fully prepared for all of his questions.
- the C&C meeting. I will be preparing for this later today when I stop getting anxious. I am going to have a nice relaxing remainder of the afternoon then exercises then walk then tea.

Deep breaths, in through the nose out through the mouth!

Where's my Bach's Flower Remedy when I need it!

Right! I am off to check the bank, update my ebay invoicing and pay last week's fees, check the paypal, update my weightwatchers tracker online then crack on with the creating!!!

Hi to all who may be keeping up with this flippin saga!

When will things be straightforward? It seems there's been drama after drama since last year. What I need is to win the lottery so I can pay my daft debt off, leave the job, find something that I love to do and move to somewhere quiet to a little house in a field!

Oh well, failing that, it's PAD, NSD, £5AD, work and drama!!!

Till later on

lionheartedgirl

Hi DE, just popping on to wish you a HUGE lot of love and support for today.

All the achievements you listed yesterday sound just lovely to me especially the cushion cover, frock and the software. All that creativity being nurtured - love it love it love it!!

All the best - stay calm as you can, and don't let them get you down! Other people's petty !!!! :mad: is not going to have a lasting effect, but your plans for what you want to achieve are :T xxx