Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

dirtyepic

Good grief, I am struggling to keep my eyes open.

I have been set another pointless task and I cannot concentrate. It is so boring. I am reading through reams and reams of legislation and nothing is sinking in. I am supposed to do a site visit this afternoon, after being asked this morning from my boss and both floor managers have not replied to my emails so I am unable to interview and observe their staff.

This absolutely clarifies that I am not in the right job. This project should be a big eye opener for me and lend a bit of excitement but I am falling at the very first hurdle. I have no guidance where to start or how to do this.

Please let me win the lottery this weekend. There has definitely got to be more to life than this.

Anyway, must go - got a stack of 7 books of legislation to get through this afternoon plus a H&S inspection report to amend, another to complete and advise someone on a footstool. Yes you read correct they need advice on the use of a footstool.

I rest my case your honour.

dirtyepic

Well, yesterday was truly rubbish.

But on the bright side I went for an unexpected pint after work and ending up spending £15! Not particularly pleased with myself there then but it was lush to spend time with some pals who I don't get the chance to chat to that often.

Not going to speak any further about money. Its a negative subject for me and I am keeping positive these days!

So no more sleeps for Foo Fighters day I am getting my lift in less than two hours so I will be jumping in the shower any second, waiting for the DBH (darling baldy husband) to stop running his bath then my preparation begins.

I am currently listening to their new album on spotify and it ROCKS!!! Loving it lots.

Having a bit of a dilemma as to whether to have a few drinks today - drinks = money/potential hangover/etc etc but I am sure a couple won't hurt that much?! We'll see.

I partially packed my bag last night and hung my potential outfits to see which would be most suitable for a wet and probably quite cold Carlisle. Anything that will go with the new wellies!

Yes I got the bargain wellies during the week. Posh ones too. I have been selling bits and bobs on ebay to save up for Glastonbury essentials. This year the biggy was the wellies - my cheaper ones lasts a couple of year and they were very bright and cheerful (well if skulls and roses can be cheerful!) but the nasty winter killed them off. So I managed to get a nice orange pair from the Barbour factory shop for £30! They are on sale in the posh bit of the shop for £70 - exactly the same colour. So even though £30 is a bit expensive for wellies at less than half price I still love em. I've worked hard for them so I don't care.

So I hope to return in one piece tonight and I hope I will be in a good enough state to update this tomorrow.

Have a greeeeaaaaaaat weekend

dirtyepic

dirtyepic

16.05.11

Waaaaaah! What a weekend. Had a totally great time on Saturday at Radio 1's Big Weekend (to see Foo Fighters), thanks to pals who managed to get me a ticket and also gave me a lift there and back AND wouldn't take any petrol money for it. So hows that for the ultimate money saving??? (oh yes and I done the usual trick of smuggling my alcohol in but did spend about £8 on bottles of diet coke!! Shhhhhh!!)

Had a nice relaxing day yesterday and caught up with sleep and little jobs that I needed to do.

So I am riding on that wave of positiveness and happiness even though I am not working from home today but alone in the office, which is bad but good but still a bit bad!

I am going to get this posting out of the way, in the nicest possible way, so I can leave the office at about 11.15 to get to my counselling appointment for 12 noon. I am a bit concerned about this session because I can't remember if my counsellor gave me any 'homework' to think about or do so that's me totally unprepared for that then!

I think I would like to find something to stimulate my brain again. A few years ago I used to go to college to just learn something new, to use different parts of my brain - body massage, indian head massage, dj mixing skills, calligraphy (this was more of a refresher course for me), then done the flipping IOSH H&S course which led me to this career I have had learned to endure yet hate with an all-consuming passion.

I think that last course was the nail in the coffin of learning for me! Oh then there was the maths course I completed with flying colours last year. The one where I was told that this would a nationally recognised qualification and the equivalent of a gcse in mathematics. The only time I have wanted to use this qualification was when I was researching into furthering my education as a step as a new career and it isnt recognised and I can't use it.

I am loving the photography and would love to dedicate more time to learning more about the intricacies so maybe that's my direction.

I think that I find it difficult to dedicate any amount of time to doing something for pleasure. I find it rather difficult to just relax. If I have any extra time I tend to do some ironing/ebay/pottering. I always like to find something constructive to do with my time when I am not having to work. If I am watching any TV I will be either ironing or on the internet ebaying stuff or researching some thing or another!

Right, I am at work and going to crack on, so till later on then.

I will be updating my figures a bit later (can't see much difference actually happening but it's always good to update isn't it?). At least my ebay sales are doing okay for the time being and it looks like I can get all my Glastonbury necessities without dipping into my wages. This boost in my sales is due to finding some old sheet music from mid 80s that I have kept 'just in case'! Just in case of what?? Depeche Mode or the Pet Shop Boys ask me to join them as a session musician or as back up on tour or something!!! In all honesty, what would DM or PSB sheet music EVER come in handy for? Hahahahahahahaha! So there was about a dozen pieces and they are all on ebay and selling quite well.

Oh dear, I have just checked my bank and its not good. I have £20 left in my current account and also £24 left in my ebay account and I have about 8 parcels to package and post that sold over the weekend. I am still awaiting £100 to be transferred from paypal to my ebay account so not too worried but it's just a bit of a shock when you see the paltry figures. God I wish I was good with my finances.

Now that is being negative - think of the positive - I am improving, massively and it's only my personal figures that are dire. Our joint account is okay, no worries there at all.

To do:

Financial/necessities
[STRIKE]
Check bank account
Check nationwide c/c
Check barclaycard c/c
Update snowball
[/STRIKE]
Update signature
NSD (May 15xNSD) IIIII II
[STRIKE]PAD (May £1 a day) Completed for 28 days[/STRIKE]
£5 a day (May to make £155) to 15.05 - £174.25

Nice/house things!
Take a photo -
Do something nice -
Go for a walk -
15 minutes ironing -
15 mins ebay - M

Positive things to date:
Total debt paid to date: £2701.59/£9351.85 = 28.88%
Total weight loss to date: 7.5lb/14lb = 53%
Total sleeps to Glastonbury: 36 sleeps = 54% excited!
Days without back pain: 30

Things I want to learn to do properly:
Maths / Mind mapping / lose weight / gain confidence

Well to end my boring old day but quite productive, which has recently been the case when the manager is not present, 6music has just played The Chemical Brothers 'Hey Boyl Hey Girl' and i got a little bit of excitement in me tummy for the Saturday night when i will be having a blummin good jump aboot to them again. In my lush orange wellies most probably. HERE WE GO!!!

I have updated my facebook status to wishing I was in the Field at Glastonbury being the usual dirtyepic and not this person pretending to be her stuck in an office. Well not long now then.

Dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

glad you had such a good weekend! :j was thinking of you and hoping all had gone well!

I am in awe of your list of things you have done as courses, that's incredible! mixing as well! I tried to teach myself back in my uni days but it sure takes a lot of practice!

I did an evening patissier course at college briefly - similar to you I found it difficult to contemplate doing something for fun that didn't lead to a 'recognised' qualification, but with everything else I was doing at the time it was just a step too far so I had to give it up after a term. It was one evening a week but like being in a commercial kitchen on an evening shift - one week we were still there at 11pm after I had done a full day's soul sapping at the council, sadly it was just tooo much. I made some wonderful stuff though, and discovered I did like bakewell tart after all.... as long as I made it myself, properly! rather than the shocking Mr Kipling plastic version! :rotfl:

keep on keeping on at work :cool: nuff said hey! I have almost jacked mine in at least once every hour this week but have got 2 days from home now so am hoping to calm down a little!

dirtyepic

17.05.11

Okay, just a short one today.

I did write a long long post and left it on my pc at work, forgetting to transfer it over the my diary. I think this was a good thing to happen as it wasn't a 'happy' post and maybe somethings are best left in my head.

I am not having a particularly good time at the mo, well not since my extremely thought provoking session with my counsellor which has completely changed my personality over the last day or so. I am now doubting almost every thought I am having. I am hating (and I mean hating) work, I am not good company, I am sick of thinking about stuff, so much so that my headache has been here since during my appointment and I do not like how I am feeling.

Blimey O'Reilly, prior to the appointment I was on top of the world following a brilliant weekend and now my head is firmly fixed in the 'doldrums' position.

So I am not going to bore anyone with any miserable ramblings. Instead I am making a huge effort to spend more time with the Bald one. He knows I am trying to be more sociable but all I want to do is sit on my own somewhere to try and change my way of thinking.

I am beginning to really dislike these counselling sessions but I know its part of my recovery from 20 years of depression and I know you have to take the rough with the smooth but this time it's quite painful and I am sick.

So, I have found out that my bank account is really empty. I have no more spends till payday and this is my last pay till Glastonbury which is not a good thing.

Right, off to watch an old episode of the Sopranos (cos at least me and Baldy have got that in common!)

Night night everyone, I hope to be in a finer fettle tomorrow.

Dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

hope you feel brighter tomorrow x

dirtyepic

Hi lionheartedgirl,

Thanks for posting.

I am feeling a bit better but now getting a bit annoyed more than anything at the result of my counselling session on Monday.

I was feeling so happy, content with all parts of my life and able to deal with situations in a good way. Then BANG! My head is still all over the place with how I am thinking about stuff.

Anyway, because this is my debt-busting diary and not head-busting diary I will crack on with my debt busting!!

I have paid a little bit extra due to good ebay sales this week.

Even though all of my ebay money is now going towards Glastonbury Festival essentials I really wanted to pay something to get my figures improved a bit.

So today I brought my totals to 29.1% of my debt paid.

I also called b/card to see if I could transfer my n/wide debt to it on a 0% balance transfer and they offered me a measly 6 months on the new added amount but then again that card is due to be paid off during September.

But before I get my knickers in a big excited twist because all of my debt will be at one card I realised that maybe there will be a bit of a glitch.

So now I have about 1500 on n/w to transfer to b/c 0% till November.

To join the already approx 5000 on the b/c which I think runs out about december.

Actually I might just leave it the way it is. It's only around 3 months to pay off the little debt and then I can concentrate ALL my disposable income to the biggie.

Mmmmmmmm?? See my head doesn't even think remotely straight!

Hahahahaha!

At least I have a great weekend to look forward to, yet again: tomorrow night I am going to see the local youth theatre group's performance of Thoroughly Modern Millie. A good friend of mine is part of the cast and she's a right little starlet!! I haven't seen the film before so don't really know what the storyline actually is. Then on Saturday night we are heading into Newcastle to see a performance of A Clockwork Orange, which I have never seen but have read the book. Then on Sunday night the Tyneside Cinema is showing The Godfather, which again I must admit have not seen all the way through. I have tried a few times but I get confused with who everyone is and what's going on.

Fortunately my friend has been giving me Godfather lessons! I have been revising all week and think I will be able to pass the film with flying colours.

I am currently in my pj's watching rubbish soaps clearing my head, so all really isn't that bad is it?

Oh apart from the little old micra is going to cost £200 to repair.

The less said about that the better.

So, tomorrow I will hopefully get my happier head back on and write something a tad more positive.

Let me sleep on it!

dirtyepic

Okay then, since my recent 'blip' following my recent counselling session has taken over my life I have decided that 'Positive Friday' is the name of the day and it shall remain. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is going to nark me! So apologies, yet again, for anyone who has read the previous miserable ramblings. This roller coaster ride certain has its fair share of downs as well as ups!

So instead of just concentrating on what I have to do, as usual, today I am going to reflect on what I have done. Today, this week, this month? Who knows where I will stop.

Today I have:
- updated my facebook pictorial sleep countdown for Glastonbury 2011 (32 sleeps - YAY!)
- arrived into work with a smile on me face and wearing me jeans and trainers instead of dull office attire
- enjoyed my treat of a lush cup of milky filter coffee from Pret (sans chocolate croissant)
- cracked on with clearing my emails and archiving individually
- put make up on (it's usually a MUST but I haven't been bothering recently but it always makes me feel so much better)
- listened to Huey Morgan on 6music - he always cheers me up

This week I have:
- completed all of my ironing
- kept up with the loads of washing so no backlog to tackle this weekend
- kept within my points for ww
- started my pilates exercise dvd again
- started to practice my massage techniques again (I am qualified but just don't use it. Silly silly me cos I love to be able to make people feel relaxed and fall asleep by the power of touch)
- attended my counselling session
- completed some unenjoyable work tasks which have been hanging around for a little while
- got right up to date with my ebay
- started the whole socialising thing all over again, starting to return to the old 'dirty epic' that I used to be
- had a bit of a disagreement with Baldy but I think we needed to say a few things then sorted everything out and now everything is as brilliant as normal
- paid a little bit extra off my debt
- cancelled the dd with Nationwide which would only allow me a window of a couple of days to make any overpayment. So now going to pay them on payday every month
- tidied my little workshop/office

I think that's it for now because a little while ago I created a list of my achievements following the start of my counselling sessions and I can always refer back to them if I need to see that some days I am not a complete failure!

To do:
[STRIKE]
Financial/necessities
Check bank account
Check nationwide c/c
Check barclaycard c/c
Update snowball[/STRIKE]
Update signature
NSD (May 15xNSD) IIIII II
[STRIKE]PAD (May £1 a day) Completed for 28 days[/STRIKE]
£5 a day (May to make £155) to 18.05 - £242.36


Positive achievements(?) to date:
Total debt paid to date: £2721.85/£9351.85 = 29.1%
Total weight loss to date: 7.5lb/14lb = 53%
Total sleeps to Glastonbury: 32 sleeps = 58% excited!
Days without back pain: 34

Things I can do properly:
Body massage/Indian head massage/calligraphy/typesetting and graphic design/take a decent photo!/sell tat on ebay

Things I want to learn to do properly:
Maths / Mind mapping / lose weight / gain confidence / understanding photography / manage my money / get a good sales line on ebay for minimum effort and maximum gain!

I popped out to the Post Office during my dinner time and got thinking on my way back to work about the date I am eventually debt free. The date I actually can clear both credit cards and have at least £550 disposable income every month! Its hard to take in! I was imagining my post on that day and how much the people on this forum, especially on the debt-free diaries, have helped me and, slowly but surely, helped me change my way of thinking. Not just in money saving but tons of other things in my life. Then I started wondering how bad things would've been if I hadn't started to read the forums, if I hadn't started my own diary. I probably wouldntve stuck out the counselling, the overpayments. I wouldn't've known about NSD, PAD, sealed pots. I wouldn't've been so enthusiastic and dedicated to selling on ebay because I wouldn't've cared about my finances and the downward spiral in which I was heading.

So I know I have about 13 months left before I can write my big thank you post in the style of an Oscar winners speech but I am so grateful for the MSE community; their knowledge, their motivation and their dedication. I honestly don't know what I would do without it these days.

On that note, I am going to get my head down at work, obviously with the help of BBC 6music in me right earphone, get this awful work out of the way and hope to have an easy start to next week.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

oooooohhhhhhh had to post as Thoroughly Modern Millie is one of my favourite films EVER!!!! I think you will love it - about a plucky girl who gets a job in the days when girls didn't have jobs with some wonderful sub plots going on involving a very suspect laundry service.

thanks for reminding me about it, I don't have it on DVD but really must look for it when I go out tomorrow.

And I think you will love The Godfather too. It's a classic so even if it's not your bag, I still think it is essential film viewing for everyone. A bit gory and shocking in places but AMAZING. And the music is incredible - very famous and rightly so.

v v v jealous here!

keep up the good work - 32 sleeps to Glastonbury means it's not much more til Italy for me - yikes! :eek:

dirtyepic

Just a little post to gather and record my thoughts.

The week, so far, is going okay.

I have been quite positive and am happy with everything so far.

Spending is fine, ebay is slowing down again so I must find something to get on there that can make me money for my trip to Glastonbury this year.

Work is just plodding on, still boring as anything but at least there's no stress at the moment.

I have been just feeling lucky to be living my life and all the good things that have been and will be happening. I have been feeling this since the weekend and hope I can continue with these thoughts

Well pay day on Friday and I have a bit of spare to see me through the month and also Glastonbury festival so at least I am not very very skint but obviously I would like to be able to enjoy myself and have spare cash to play with and maybe treat myself to something nice down there.

Maybe I should ask to work on one of the stalls for a few hours over the weekend and earn some pennies!!

Counselling this week was another exhausting session but I have learned so much more about me and why I am who I am. I have been recommended even more sessions and also to stay on the medication for my anxiety but I have no problems with these because I am confident at the end of it all I will be mended!

My weekend of 'culture' was a mixed bag of successes! It was a great weekend and I packed so much into it. Just for future reference, when I am reading this back, I am going to list what we got up to!

Friday:
- went for lush pint after work at the Central bar with C and bumped into L who is coming to Glastonbury with us as usual. As excited as me!!
- went to see K perform in Thoroughly Modern Millie. She was very good but some of the young performers were either totally over-enthusiastic and very loud or very un-enthusiastic and slow!
- went back to a pal's house for a cup of lush coffee and a nice long chat and catch up.

Saturday:
- walk in the sunshine to the WW meeting - total weight loss = 10.5lb! Yay!
- home to chill all afternoon
- head into Newcastle to see a local theatre group performance of A Clockwork Orange. Unfortunately the theatre didn't have amplifiers and mics so the actors were just shouting and during the fighting or gang scenes it was just noise so it was very difficult to hear what was going on. Our half time alcoholic beverage saw us all decide to actually not return for the second half and head home. Thus resulting in a lush early night!

Sunday:
- enjoy a medieval fayre at local tourist attraction - Bedes World and Monastery. Great fun, took loads of photos (note to self: upload and sift through good ones for fb) Saw falconry, unusual cows and sheep, morris dancers. It was great!
- went to local park to hear a brass band perform in the underused bandstand. That was great n'all.
- Went to the lush Tyneside Cinema to see a showing of The Godfather. Really enjoyed the film and concentrated for the full 3 hours of the film! Came away with a bit of a headache with thinking too much!

All in all a great weekend.

Hahahaha I have just noticed that this isn't to short a posting after all!

Tonight my darling baldy husband ask asked for me to join him in going to a pub to see an old punk band that he has wanted to see for years. I have decided to join him but this is going to be hard because I really fancy a pint tonight but I have to realise what I want more - to lose a stone or a pint of something nice. And the pub is really quite a rough one and it's going to be loud so I will give it a go and might just walk home if I am not enjoying it.

At least I don't have to worry too much about what to wear I suppose.

Oh well, keep smiling and stay positive everyone.

Till the next time.

Dirtyepic