Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

dirtyepic

Hi Diary

A few days away just because I didn't really have anything to report.

I am really getting cracking with the ebay again due to my £5 a day being well below target for this month. The decluttering is throwing up some interesting items that are getting listed.

The back issue isn't improving still.

I had my day of complete rest on Tuesday and on Wednesday I was still rather uncomfortable so gave pilates a miss.

Yesterday though, I felt so much better and decided to go into Newcastle for a couple of hours to get some well-overdue items (necessities and a gift). Unfortunately after about 45 minutes I was in a lot of pain and had to resort to the pain killers again.

So now I am extremely confused!

Advice I have been given with regards the recovery of this back issue:
- keep adjusting your posture
- don't sit for too long
- keep moving
- use the core muscles around the midriff area (engines) to support and help the spine and back
- pilates
- exercises set by physios

I have been following ALL of this advice and following the numerous journeys for work the back issue has raised its more than ugly head again.

I am still following the advice and lasting about 15 minutes seated/standing/lying and a little bit longer whilst moving then having to sit and start the cycle again.

I am only taking the painkillers as and when I really need them because I know that's all they are doing - killing the pain and how then will I realise if I am pushing the back too far?

At home I have one of the kneeling chairs which is good for aligning the spine and encouraging good posture but it's not allowing me to last any longer than sitting on a normal chair.

So, because I have not found success following all the advice I decided to rest my back completely. Not too successful - I had to keep getting up and stretching.

Then on Thursday (because the usual advice wasn't really working, the day of rest wasn't successful) I decided to keep moving all day (if possible) by heading into Newcastle. Bad move. I am still really very uncomfortable today.

Grrrr!

So it's indoors all day and pottering again and see if I seek some comfort in that!

Not to be brought down in mood by it all though.

What I have achieved since pottering:
Days 1-12 August Declutter Challenge (inc clear and clean under bed, creating 3 bin liners full of shredded paper, clear bedside drawers which includes my top drawer full of skincare items, medication, babywipes, tons of pens! and numerous other pieces of junk, cleared and cleaned big fridge, junk drawer in kitchen, larder drawer, crockery and cutlery drawer, top drawer of my workdesk which is now home to my mouse, spare keyboard, ext drive etc, decluttered my ebay and dumped tons of stuff which just won't sell by either recycling or in bag for charity shop)

Now from the big bags of shredded paper I created the compressed paper 'firelighters' and they are just drying out on the windowsill of the dining room. Hoping that they save some time over the winter when trying to get the roaring Christmassy fire started. Ooh yes I decluttered the corner of the dining room and asked the lovely Baldy to carry the old Mac upstairs and then the printer could be relocated, thus freeing up the corner of the dining room and getting a little storage unit on freecycle (getting collected tomorrow)

So, just now I am going to get up, stretch, walk downstairs, put another spin on the washing load, empty the dishwasher and as soon as I start to ache from walking around I will get cracking with ebay for a little while.

I still haven't heard anything with regards an Occupational Health appointment so have no idea how long that will take still. I thought it would've been sorted before returning to work.

Till later

T
x

dirtyepic

Good grief so much has happened since my last diary entry. Where do I start?

Well late on last week I was surprised at the outcome of my back x-ray. After a year and a half of being treated for 'deep ligament injury around facet joints, lumbar spine area' and muscular issues I was eventually told that I have severe wear and tear/arthritis of the base of the spine.

So that's threw me a bit!

Not particularly happy at the thought of arthritis at this time of life but it's there and it has to be dealt with.

The pain is about the same as a month ago and I am taking the painkillers as a last resort.

I have an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon on 26 October in Newcastle and only today my OH appointment has been arranged for 7 September.

I also have an appointment with the doctor on 30 August with regards a return to work note.

I have explained all to the boss who, even though was quite chatty etc mentioned that he maybe wasn't expecting me to be back at work.

I have a feeling that maybe he doesn't want me back. If you remember, diary, I mentioned earlier this year when I was complaining of the back pain he said that regarding my role as H&S Advisor 'not travelling is not an option'.

So that's rather a turn up for the books eh?

My long term plan was to pay off my credit card debts (should be gone by May) then start to look for a new job, doing something that I will enjoy either alone or with a group of motivated, enthusiastic and dynamic individuals.

The current outlook appears to be my role changing at work (I can't imagine that I will be able to get a totally office based position on my salary with the blessing of the manager) or no future for me at work and being laid off due to health issues which were brought on by work.

I shan't worry though because worrying gets you nowhere.

I may have to go over to the Matrix to request some advice or recommendations on where to go from here.

At the moment though I am getting more active due to the pain! 20 mins sitting then get up, walk around, sit back down - shattered!

My debt busting is still ongoing but I am still completing my money matters immediately after getting paid so that leaves the rest of the month looking like there's nowt happening but it is - it's just all bubbling along quite nicely.

My weight loss is slow and steady. I have to lose 1lb this week and that brings me to having lost 10% of my body weight which is a flippin great achievement. So this week I am working extremely hard to get to that milestone.

Till tomorrow!!

I am off just now, absolutely shattered and going to chill for the rest of the night.

d.e.

dirtyepic

Hi diary,

A bit of a little milestone for me today.

Not, unfortunately, the expected 1lb weightloss that I have worked so hard to achieve. Unbelievably I have stayed the same weight and not reached my 10% body weight loss. I am blaming the side effects of the painkillers I have to take - not going to disclose too much information.

That can be achieved either next week, although I doubt it because this weekend is the big London trip so the week after I shall get there!!! hahahahaha!

No, this is a bigger milestone which I have worked long and hard to get to and have brought it forward by a month or two.

I am now under £5000 debt and have just paid off the penultimate credit card. Yay!!!!

Yep, I now owe £4771.00 to bc only and am looking to try and get my ebay sales increased to try and get that sorted sooner again.

SO my debt free date is May - that's 9 months time and I WILL GET THERE BEFOREHAND!

Oh yes!!

Blimey I feel canny good about myself today.

Now I just have to find a balance transfer for the b/c as the 0% runs out in December.

Little bites and baby steps!

(skips off, but very carefully cos the back's still rather painful even though the pint of celebratory Guinness numbed it temporarily!)

Till later, all, have a great bank holiday weekend.

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

wow, that is great news! something pushed me to look at the figures in your signature earlier today and even before your update, they were pretty impressive!

bummer on the arthritis but at least you have a diagnosis now and can work around this and do things that will help it.

can you bring your job hunting forward a little? I know you have been going great guns on your debt repayment but if it's under control, if you had to lengthen repaying it a little to be happier at work, is that worth considering?

(I haven't posted in ages but promise am still lurking and reading! )

dirtyepic

Hi lhg, good to see/hear you! I am trying to keep up with you also. It's exciting times all around really.

I had the very same thought with regards the job/career change. I am going to wait until the outcome from my oh appt on 7th September, its been requested as a 'fit for job' query as a opposed to the usual 'absence from work' query that I come across for other employees.

So this year may turn into a year of massive change from every direction for me.

Can only think positive about it all.

I'm off to sleep now - we are catching the 8am train to kings cross tomorrow for our big London weekend. My overnight bag is practically rattling with all the medication I am taking with me.

I am determined not to let anything spoil my weekend.

Oops I have just realised that I haven't checked today's MG matrix declutter challenge. Oh well can't start it until Tuesday now. Someone's gonna be a busy girl next week!

Take care all, hope everyone's weekend turns out as they wish

Dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Back again!!!

Brief explanation of all that's happened recently:

- Still buzzing a bit about only having the one debt to crack!
- Had a brilliant trip to London, back was bad but just kept popping the painkillers, rested and exercised and got through it without any major mishaps.
- Attended an 'affordable Vintage Fair' in Spitalfields on Bank Hol Monday and was inspired beyond belief on what is achievable and possible with what I know, own and do!
- Doctor's appointment today and signed me off work for a further month without even considering lighter duties. More painkillers and a physio referral.

So now the serious thinking is to commence.

This may have to be the time to reconsider my current career and work life.

FINANCE
- I need to bring in at least £850 per month to cover my share of household/mortgage/food/savings etc
- I have a credit card debt of £4771 remaining and desperately want to get rid of this completely to be able to entertain a lower paid position/career
- I was hoping to through £600 per month to this debt and clear in 7 months which brings me to March 2012

WORK
- I am not going to be able to travel on a regular basis for work
- My manager has said 'not travelling is not an option'
- There are continual 'restructuring processes' throughout our Authority and my redeployment to an alternative department is highly unlikely

HEALTH
- ongoing back issues which currently allow me to sit for around 20 minutes before having to get up and stretch/walk. Then able to walk for around 20 before having to stop or rest or sit.
- continual use of painkillers (which I am unhappy about)
- building up exercise regime including pilates and walking just now but wanting to get involved in something else
- physio sessions to be organised
- OH referral appointment next week.
- depression successfully conquered (first time in 20 years)
- anxiety currently under control through medication
- eating under control through attending WeightWatchers (hope to reach and maintain goal weight in next few weeks to save me £20 a month and put towards debt repayments!)

Okay then, that's about it.

Got a few ideas going around in my head to bring the pennies in and prevent a repetition of past experiences of sheer panic of unemployment and pending money problems (which never actually happened but I had a huge black cloud over that whole period!)

So let's get ready to ponder!!

Till next time

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl

hurrah for the inspiring fair! One of my friends lives in Bow and was playing at a music festival in Spitalfields recently, she loves it round there and also finds it very inspirational.

sounds like things are good on the health front (bizarre as that sounds with your back the way it is!) - the mind issues are well and truly under control and you can read back to see how far you've come on that one. You know what's what with your back, it will just take time to learn how to manage it, but you know you will just as you have achieved everything else.

So, time to get to it on the heart's desire front I reckon While it would be nice to debt bust in 6 months, if you are looking at having to leave your current job sooner rather than later, what are your options for following a more creative/graphical path now? Or at least in a month's time when your sick leave ends (assuming you are fit to do something else in that time)?

It's great that you have seen what's possible with what you have/can do now though, gives you a great place to start Is your hubby on side with you making drastic changes? I am assuming he is now he knows what's behind everything that's been going on? And with your new lease of life in terms of not having to fear the condition you thought you had, surely he will be with you on wanting to make the most of your life?

Exciting times! good luck! :j

dirtyepic

lionheartedgirl wrote: »

hurrah for the inspiring fair! One of my friends lives in Bow and was playing at a music festival in Spitalfields recently, she loves it round there and also finds it very inspirational.

I used to go there when I lived in London and it used to be very different. Still absolutely love visiting that area even if I just go to visit the Sausage and Mash Cafe!

sounds like things are good on the health front (bizarre as that sounds with your back the way it is!) - the mind issues are well and truly under control and you can read back to see how far you've come on that one. You know what's what with your back, it will just take time to learn how to manage it, but you know you will just as you have achieved everything else.

Yes, LHG, I am seeing things in a more positive way these days. Every cloud and all that! After such a long time of always thinking that every negative thing was a massive issue and it would definitely lead to another one - this whole new outlook is a breath of fresh air and if I can get through this after such a long time I am sure there's hope out there for everyone.

So, time to get to it on the heart's desire front I reckon While it would be nice to debt bust in 6 months, if you are looking at having to leave your current job sooner rather than later, what are your options for following a more creative/graphical path now? Or at least in a month's time when your sick leave ends (assuming you are fit to do something else in that time)?

I am going to have to seriously get my thinking cap on to get my foot in a 'creative door' whether it's as a part time post and maybe work in a more mundane billpaying position part time too. I just don't know for now.

What I am doing though, is teaching myself the software that I need to be able to use to get back into design/artworking/typesetting. I have offered my services in a voluntary capacity to design a newsletter for a local community centre who were absolutely desperate to get more people through the doors. So at least that's getting my experience back up there and who knows where it could lead?

I still have the article about the letterpress printing company you sent to me a few months back on my little office/workroom wall. It's positioned between my sewing machine and my old mac and I look at it every day!

It's great that you have seen what's possible with what you have/can do now though, gives you a great place to start Is your hubby on side with you making drastic changes? I am assuming he is now he knows what's behind everything that's been going on? And with your new lease of life in terms of not having to fear the condition you thought you had, surely he will be with you on wanting to make the most of your life?

My darling Baldy is so understanding and supportive - I am extremely lucky. He just wants me to find something where I can be happy and be me. He loves to see me so enthusiastic about things and making plans. Who knows where I will be in a years time. It's a weird feeling thinking that so much could change in a year? A month? It's also weird to think that the challenges I had last year, I have overcome them and just when I thought I had a completely clean bill of health, 8 months later I don't!! And you know what - at this moment it's just another challenge - not a negative thing!

Exciting times! good luck! :j
Yes, exciting times all around, thanks so much for your kind words and ongoing support. Good luck to you too, I love reading how you are getting on with your new life also. Whoever would've thought life could and would be so good. We were always under the impression that being young was the best time of your life. What a load of rubbish. I am in control just now and this is the best time of my life!
Arthritis diagnosis - a mere blip! (I say just now, watch this space!!!)

So 1st of September then?

Today I was reading a diary by HovelLady and am loving it. It's taking me quite a few days to catch up and I am still a few weeks behind but will get there eventually. Anyway, she has been writing of her daily tasks/chores/spends/aspirations and dreams (not to mention her new serialised best selling novel!) and I realised that I do not have a dream or an aspiration.

I have challenges and tasks, to do lists and TADA lists, there's places I want to be in 6 months time, in a year's time.

None of these are dreams.

So during September I think I will have to get myself a dream!

As well as tons of NSD, LSD and make at least £5 a day.

Where to start on the Dream Front? Mmmmmmm?

So, here goes. September - throw at me what you must and let's see how I can get over you and dust myself down and plod on!

Today is a NSD - 1/1

My TADA list so far (I am only doing this cos it makes me feel as if I have achieved at least a little bit today)

Kitchen
3 x loads washed and hung out (lovely big stretches pegging items on the line!)
Watered my chilli plants - lots of lovely chillies ready for this weekends meals
Got the last door removed (by a pal)
Phoned door stripping company (to collect Fri or Mon)
Installed software on laptop
Posted sicknote (spoke to HR re: manager's absence)
Phoned for physio appt
Emailed manager to let him know what's what
Emailed customer
Emailed pal re; Alternative Glastonbury weekend arrangements for June 2012


Now I am going to learn how to sew a nice pretty notebook cover to use for MG challenges in the future.

Also going to try and make a cushion cover for emo's to sell on ebay!

Till tomorrow I hope

dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Today has been a bit of a wash out and it hasn't even rained.

I am trying so hard at my weightwatchers points to slowly lose the weight but feel a little disappointed about the whole exercise regime slowly grinding to a halt but as long as I keep the points down, apparently I should be steadily losing the lbs. We shall see tomorrow when I get weighed then.

I decided, this morning, to meet a friend in South Shields to have a dander around the 'flea market' and then go for a late breakfast in the little ice cream parlour there.

We met, had a look around, I bought some bargain jiffy envelopes for my ebay sales - 10p each YAY! Also saw some old fashioned fabric which was only £1 per metre so I got three different colours and am hoping to cover some hard backed notebooks as a trial. So tomorrow I hope to get to our local £1 shops and discount shops to get the aforementioned notebooks and see how they end up.

Unfortunately after two hours, with the breakfast in between as a rest, my back was unbearable and I had to just come home. I have been lying down resting ever since. This is getting a bit annoying now. It seems that every time I have turned a corner with regards the back issue it will not be happy and decide to buckle again! I have been told that this is usually the case and I will have to learn to cope. So do I rest for a few days and do no exercise or do I keep getting up and moving around and then rest (till fade!).

So at the moment I am sitting in my lovely little office/workroom with my sewing machine itching to be used but unfortunately the tension for the top thread is playing up and I can't seem to get it to remedy. The sewing machine was my mams and I am now using it as much as I can. It hasn't been serviced for at least 20 years so I think I will have to break into my wages to pay £40 to get it serviced and that means I won't have it for a week! Grrrrr!!!

It is basically a very old, extremely heavy, metal New Home sewing machine from the 70's. There are no accessories and no instructions - long disappeared. I did see sense to contact the manufacturer and request a copy of the instructions after not being able to find them free online and the lovely people only went and sent a pdf. Yippee.

It is so old fashioned though, the instructions have made me laugh out loud.

The 'troubleshooting' section at the back is called 'Unsatisfactory conditions: causes and remedies". Here are some examples:
Cause: the needle is not set correctly
Remedy: set it correctly
Cause: the tension is too tight
Remedy: Loosen it
Cause: The needle is not threaded correctly
Remedy: Thread it correctly
Cause: The material is being pulled by the operator
Remedy: Don't pull on the cloth

Brilliant!!!

Anyway, I am going to follow some common sense instructions on dealing with dodgy tension and see what happens!

Spends today:
£2 for 20 padded envelopes
£5 for about 12m fabric
£3 for coffee and teacake for breakfast
£3 for pal's breakfast (he bought me a pint of guinness last week!)

September NSD 1/2

So let's hope my weight revelations tomorrow aren't too bad!
I have to send some ebay parcels tomorrow but that won't count towards NSD as it's not MY money but my Ebay money.

Have a great weekend everyone.

dirtyepic

dirtyepic

Oh dear, diary,

It feels like I am slipping into my old train of thought after my Occ Health appointment on Wednesday.

I will explain.

My manager asked if I would attend an Occupational Health appointment with a doctor who would be impartial and would advise on adjustments to be made to my working environment etc.

My manager stated the reason for the referral to Occ Health as 'fitness for work' due to my recent problems with my back.

The first thing that the Dr mentioned wasn't my ability to do my job due to the back problems it was another health issue from which I have successfully recovered.

After this comment my reaction was to get a bit upset and I did declare this to the dr at the end of the appointment.

The rest of the appointment went very well and I hope that something positive will come of this. (Now I wish I could keep this positive outlook but I am slipping back to being extremely negative and bitter)

The comments that upset me have stuck in my mind since Wednesday afternoon and this morning I decided to call our HR department to speak to someone confidentially about how I am feeling about this.

Even though our office is on a different floor and we don't actually have that much to do with them but our team is actually part of the HR department. My manager has a dislike for the department with the exception of a small handful of staff.

The girl who I spoke to interviewed me with my manager for my current role.

She got me all worked up and confused when I spoke to her and I now wish I had kept my queries to myself. This is not good. I am turning into my 'child' ego state and must return to 'adult' and cope with this in an adult way.

I mentioned what was said during my Occ Health appt and the HR advisor said that this information was not on the referral forms (the doctor said that the form was extremely detailed and contained an awful lot of information - unusual for this type of referral)

After denying this info was on the form she kind of dropped him in it by saying that he said there was a pattern developing when I was absent from work and it was before I was due to hold a training course!! I AM FURIOUS!!! Why would I want to jeopardise any future employment by taking lengthy periods of time as sickness leave for back issues? I am the only person who does the training (even though my manager is fully trained but won't do it) so I know I will have to do it on my return.

The actual pattern that has formed from my absences is that after periods of travelling around the country my back starts to hurt and I am unable to sit for any length of time (currently around 15 mins before I have to get up and walk around and stretch). The periods of travelling involve me having to TRAIN members of staff all over the country so inevitably I will miss some training sessions!! Grrrrr!!!

Following this conversation with the HR advisor I then requested a copy of the Occ Health referral form that my manager completed. She said she would have to check if it was okay to send it to me and would ask my manager (who incidentally is not her manager). I said that I know I am entitled to request this form and I do not want my manager to know I have requested it. So that cheesed me well off too. She was trying to pretend that she wasn't sure if I could request it - she has been in this position for many years.

Phew!! Glad that's off my chest.

This spoilt my whole morning and I am still getting all anxious and jittery thinking about it.

I spent a lovely morning looking around the flea market with a good pal of ours (didn't see any bargains though) and bought him a birthday pint. This took my mind off things and when he gave me a lift home (my back was aching quite badly at this point) I lay down and slept for over an hour.

In the meantime my manager called me. I emailed him yesterday morning with an update on everything to date. Unfortunately I missed the call and text him when I picked up the message. I am calling him on Tuesday morning with an 'update'. Whether or not he has spoken to HR or this is in response to my email yesterday albeit 30 hours later I don't know. (Can you tell I am getting quite ratty about all of this)

Now ...... deep breaths ......

I think I will head out for a nice walk around the park and listen to Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode cos that always makes me smile.

Nothing good will come of worrying and letting this whole situation get on top of me. The past year of putting myself right is not going to be scuppered by my manager stabbing me in the back.

I am really looking forward to reading not only the dr's report but also my manager's referral.

I am more than certain now he is hatching a plan and maybe my days in my current role are extremely numbered. Who knows!!

Just got to get this £4771 debt away sooner rather than later.

There's the holiday to get out of the way beforehand first though. 50 sleeps till we jet off. Now let's all hope and ask the universe to sort me back prior to that eh?

Till later, with a smile on my face, a spring in my (slow) step and a positive adult outlook on life.

dirtyepic