Dirty's hoping it's not too late to mend her ways......

dirtyepic

I am a bit annoyed with myself that I forgot to copy this into my diary yesterday before I left the office, so here it is today!

WEDNESDAY 26.01.100

Hi diary!

Oh dear, this morning I was running a bit late (well that's my excuse anyway) so I just HAD to pop into pret for me 'milky filter and chocolate croissant' - that's now twice this week which means that is two days less on my NSDs. A minor blip - I am sure, going to most definitely try for a NSD tomorrow but probs wont be able to on Friday because I think me and the Bald One are going to the pictures.

I think we are going to go and see NEDS at the Tyneside Cinema which is right in the centre of Newcastle but it's a kind of hidden gem. It's an old fashioned cinema, completely refurbed over the past two years, with lovely big comfy seats or, if you pay a little extra, you can book a two seater sofa! You can buy alcohol in the cinema and sit at you seat with your drink! Great! Perfect!!! How much do I love going there? I saw Black Swan there with my pal last Friday - loved it!

MUST STOP DREAMING MY LIFE AWAY!! I really must start appreciating 'today'! Not living in the past or dreaming of what's coming up in the future!

Anyway, had a very productive day and night yesterday - All the ironing done! All ebay up to date, all football programes/dvds sorted and awaiting payment.

Getting quite used to being 'on top of stuff' these days.
Which is a first! Although work is most definitely not included.
The ebay situation isn't ideal but I think I might just get my £5 a day challenge, fingers crossed - 5 days to go and £42 to make!
I was wondering, this morning, how much I weigh! Haven't taken any notice since my health MOT towards the end of last year. Haven't any scales at home and me clothes don't feel too tight so really, I shouldn't be too hard on meself and SURELY the 97 stair climb to my office that I am now doing 3 times a day (hopefully increasing to 4 soon!) must be making a little bit of difference.
The photo diary is getting more and more difficult. It's hard to pick out something interesting or nice out of each day to use. Yesterday was a boring, grey, dull, monotonous day at work, followed by me missing the Post Office by minutes, an uneventful journey home followed by tea, ironing, ebay, telly, sleep. So from that I have had to photograph the training aids that I want to use for my Manual Handling training programme that I am having to produce (massive yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwnnn) and they consist of 2xvertebrae from the lumbar region and Stan the Man model which shows how your back can be affected the different ways you lift something from the floor. At least that will be a permanent reminder of how much I might have to wait and see what delicious food Baldy has cooked for me tonight and see if that can warrant a photograph.

UNHAPPY EMPLOYEE OUTBURST WARNING!!!
I am currently counting to 10, very slowly, under my breath, and again!

Grrrrrr!!!! I have just asked my boss (very politely) if I could use up my flexi to leave early on Friday afternoon. He said it was okay and when he has checked my hours he has just noticed that I signed out at 19.20 on Monday when I was working from home on this damned Manual Handling presentation that he has had me working on (it initially should have gone to external training consultants but due to Public Sector cut backs we have had to develop the training inhouse with all the other stuff we are expected to do!) and has given a bit of a disapproving comment. Little did he know that I didn't finish working on it till well after 9pm! We dont have the software, facilities and time in the office to do the stuff I need to do ( scanning, image manipulation, up to date powerpoint!) so I used my own laptop, software, scanner and he still had a bl**dy comment.

Deep breaths.

I am going out of the office now to do my dinner time stair climb. Then another one this afternoon. Then approx 5.15pm I will be a-hopping and a-skipping down them stairs to head for home. I am clock watching now and it's painfully slow.

(week start 25.01.11)
The usual
NSD S/M/
£5 a day - M/T/
PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S/ - b/c
check bank account T/W
check b/c T/
check n/w T
update snowball T/W
update signature W/
sealed pot M/T
keep up with MG diary M/T/
keep up with Mike's diary M/T
keep up with Dinah's diary M/T
keep up with little_h's diary M/T
review my 50 day challenge
start a new challenge? - attempted a mind map
keep up with my diary! T/W
keep up with matrix
15mins M/T
ebay
ironing
make thank you cards (design already decided just get it toshed up on the mac)
post the bl***y DVDs that I have copied
13.92% debt paid to date (14.10.10-25.01.11)
daily do something nice -
S: took some photos of old buildings in South Shields and enjoyed some Minchellas ice cream (got a big tub at home now!)
M: my counselling, a walk in the park to take my daily photo, a long hot bath catching up with the soaps
T: overdue Pret breakfast
W: oh dear, another Pret breakfast!
Th:
F:
S:
house things to complete -
measure up for bookcase = 252cm
clear out and declutter back bedroom (ongoing!!)
await delivery and fit of replacement front door (FRIDAY?)
find out about the wood used in the hairdressers fittings to use for our book shelves on landing
daily health kick! (note: there are a total of 97 stairs to my office and I count a return journey as '1')
S: NOTHING
M: brisk walk around the park with a smile on my face/1L water
T: 2L water/stairs x3
W: 2L water/stairs x3
T:
F:
S:
daily photo diary:
S: Old pubs in South Shields
M: leaves in Jarrow Park
T: really struggled today - had to photograph MH presentation aids - Stan the Man and some vertebrae! Desperation sets in!
W:
T:
F:
Must remember and remind myself at all opportunities! -
I give myself permission to be who I want to be
I WILL get rid of the fear of rejection
ALSO
The sun is above the clouds
T
x

dirtyepic

THURSDAY 27.01.2011

Hi diary!

09.30am

Blimey I am really struggling today with any kind of motivation or enthusiasm.

I feel like going home and curling up in my big comfy bed and just feeling sorry for myself for a little while on my own, just to shake off this feeling, then getting up tomorrow and facing the day.
Not going to happen though. So I will just have to sit in this unbearable silence at work, await any kind of comment from the boss and just get my head down and try and get on with stuff.

12.15pm

He has decided that I am to do the training in DSE assessments, Sentinel Online incident reporting, Manual Handling, Fire Awareness for the our employees who are located between Eastbourne, Bristol and as far north as Newcastle. There used to be two of us to cover this but now there is only one, as my colleague flew the nest and is not getting replaced.

Apparently I will not be doing the work of two people but the work has to be done and we are not getting any new members of our team. Figure that one out.

It is getting me so down again. I am worried about the travelling and my back. The boss is aware of this but still insists that I am doing this training.

I have just keyed in all of my holidays into our online diary just to try and uplift me - it's not happening. I also have had to key in some meetings that I have to attend, as far ahead as December and that has made me feel sick in my stomach.

I feel just like screaming out of sheer head-frustration. My head is hurting with all the thinking again. This isn't what I want to be happening just now.

13.30pm

Okay so just wasted almost an hour of my afternoon listening to my boss give me the training session for Fire Awareness. I have been told not to spend too long on adapting it but if I want to make any changes go ahead; also to include information specific to the locations I am training - I must research this and include it - but don't spend too long on it; we tried to watch some training DVDs which we have purchased and between the two pcs in our room, his hasn't even got a dvd player on it and mine won't allow this dvd to play because of copyright protection. He has then suggested we purchase some small portable dvd players to carry to connect to whatever projector we are using for the presentations. At this point I saw red. I told him there is no way that I am carrying any further equipment for training and if IT can't get their act together to supply adequate equipment then I am digging my heels in and refuse to carry supplementary stuff.

14:35

Oh dear I have just now told him I am completely p'ed off with the constant changing of priorities, as he has just decided to tell me that all of the meetings, training sessions and inspections that we have spent at least 3 hours each on trying to organise, they are all to be scrapped and we are starting again and now he wants my diary for the first quarter of this year to start again in organising these. This place is an absolute farce.

I could cry, I feel so low and rubbish. I have just had a conversation with him where I didn't even raise my eyes to look at him. I have apologised for being annoyed but this situation is getting worse and I cannot deal with it.

God, I really want to go home now and that bed seems so tempting again.

So his determination that I concentrate all day Wednesday, Thursday and part of Friday to complete the training programme that he doesn't want me to spend too much time on has now resulted in 2 hours on Thursday and Friday morning. Due to the carp that he has since thrown onto me.

I am going to sign off now because I really should be cracking on with the project I am in the middle of which will most probably be either cancelled, scrapped, rescheduled or unused (and I am confident about this because it's a recurring feature with this department).

So here we go, even if that is all going wrong and screwing up my head at least its not going to affect my progress so far:

(week start 25.01.11)
The usual
NSD S/M/
£5 a day - M/T/W/T/F (ebay is picking up a bit, phew)
PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S/ - b/c
check bank account T/W/T
check b/c T/
check n/w T
update snowball T/W
update signature W/
sealed pot M/T
keep up with MG diary M/T/
keep up with Mike's diary M/T
keep up with Dinah's diary M/T
keep up with little_h's diary M/T
review my 50 day challenge
start a new challenge? - attempted a mind map
keep up with my diary! T/W/T
keep up with matrix
15mins M/T
ebay
ironing
make thank you cards (design already decided just get it toshed up on the mac)
post the bl***y DVDs that I have copied
13.92% debt paid to date (14.10.10-25.01.11)

daily do something nice -
S: took some photos of old buildings in South Shields and enjoyed some Minchellas ice cream (got a big tub at home now!)
M: my counselling, a walk in the park to take my daily photo, a long hot bath catching up with the soaps
T: overdue Pret breakfast
W: oh dear, another Pret breakfast!
Th:
F:
S:

house things to complete -
measure up for bookcase = 252cm
clear out and declutter back bedroom (ongoing!!)
await delivery and fit of replacement front door (FRIDAY?)
find out about the wood used in the hairdressers fittings to use for our book shelves on landing

daily health kick! (note: there are a total of 97 stairs to my office and I count a return journey as '1')
S: NOTHING
M: brisk walk around the park with a smile on my face/1L water
T: 2L water/stairs x3
W: 2L water/stairs x3
T: 2L water/stairs x 4!
F:
S:

daily photo diary:
S: Old pubs in South Shields
M: leaves in Jarrow Park
T: really struggled today - had to photograph MH presentation aids - Stan the Man and some vertebrae! Desperation sets in!
W: Me tea!
T:
F:
Must remember and remind myself at all opportunities! -
I give myself permission to be who I want to be
I WILL get rid of the fear of rejection
ALSO
The sun is above the clouds

Lets hope tomorrow I will be in a bit of a better place and with a big smile on my face!
T
x

little_h_2

crikey blimey woman! sounds like a shocker of a day! strikes me your boss is either lacking confidence or doesn't know himself what the plot is! you have done very well to hang on to your temper!

good for you re the IT comment, I am having issues of my own at the moment and it is v frustrating for sure! even the head of department can't get an answer from his own service desk at the moment :rotfl: / :eek: / :mad: depending in the mood I am in at the time!

hope you have a lovely weekend lined up! x

dirtyepic

Hi all, just a quick message from my phone. Bit of a dilemma. I have a deep suspicion that someone is misusing his position of seniority and the facilities to read up and follow this diary.

I feel quite violated. Someone who I know following this not for the reason that everyone else may have a read but to check up on my comments about my situation at work.

I know it's a public forum and I understand that anyone could read it but it's the anonymity that makes you feel you can let off steam, you can open your heart. It's the feeling of trust and the support that I receive from people who have similar problems, experiences.

My suspicions started yesterday during my awfully frustrating day.

I know that I haven't told who I work for, no names have been given so i know there is nothing to worry about there.

I don't like bringing my work frustrations home with me, as previously mentioned and this diary was my one outlet to yell, rant, scream till I burst but now I don't know if I am able to do that.

If you are reading this, you know who you are. I am extremely disappointed in you and in this situation. I thought you werein a position of authority and trust but it appears not. I feel like not only my career is being excessively controlled but now you are trying to get some kind of hold on my emotions and personal situations.

I am going to have to think about this now.

Off for my favourite breakfast from pret and watch Newcastle city centre wake up to a lively bright Friday.

Till later everyone.

X

little_h_2

poor dirtyepic! that is indeed a very tricky situation. but i would say that obtaining someone's browser history/etc without good reason to suspect that some wrong was being committed, would definitely count as snooping.

i would understand if you choose not to post on your diary any more, or keep it offline for yourself, or whichever. Don't give up though! PM me if you want to keep in touch off line etc.

hope you have an enjoyable weekend x

beanielou

Thats not a nice feeling at all.
Keep plodding.

Mags_cat

Unless you're known as "Dirtyepic" at work that's...well...less than straightforward. (That's the clean version).

We understand if this is the end of the diary - just don't let it be the end of your struggle

dirtyepic

Hi all,

Thanks for your postings people, it's so comforting knowing that I have your support, no matter what decision I make. I have thought a lot about this, even discussed with the Baldy one and I am going to crack on with me diary (or crack up with frustration!)

Working from home this morning and up and at it. Just going to break for a coffee and some cereal then continue with my 'manual handling training' additional bits and pieces (yawn) but will be back later.

It's going to take more than some nosey person to stop me achieving all of my goals.

Got a bit of a headache with all of the thinking though but lets see if a couple of painkillers can do their job!

Hope everyone's going to have a great week.

Keep smiling all!

DE
x

jwil

Sorry to hear about the work situation. I can so resonate with many of your posts. The thought that someone has abused their position to follow your diary is really out of order though.

Good for you for keeping up with it though!

dirtyepic

Well I stomped out of work on Friday and forgot to copy the day's diary over so here it is.

I hope I can update today with the weekend/Monday/Tuesday which leads us into another monthe - blimey February already.

Well, must be short and sweet - the walls have eyes!!!

so here it is, my Friday diary (on a Tuesday!)

FRIDAY 28.01.2011

Hi diary!

A lovely start to my long awaited Friday morning!

I am not going to even read my previous post (I usually do to remind me of my earlier chunterings!) because I know it will spoil my morning and raise my temper! (*crikey I am just reading this back and this would never have happened a few months ago - I definitely would have re-read my previous and it would get me so worked up it would've created another bad day!)

So, so far this morning, I have let off a little bit steam to get something out of my head and down in my diary, watched a stunning sunrise from the concrete surroundings of Jarrow Metro Station, sat and had my favourite breakfast in Pret whilst relaxing and reading the paper, had a spritely walk to work to find my purse under my desk (errr didn't mention that I thought I had lost my purse, last night about 8pm. Couldn't whinge any more about the day so kept that one to myself!)

So there's my treat of the day, photo of the day, No NSD, check bank account all done before 10am!! hahahahaha!

I am heading to the hairdressers this afternoon, got me flexi time sorted and leaving this god forsaken place at 2.45pm with a skip in my step straight to hair dye central!!

Yep, 'post box red' head again this afternoon. Can't wait. It's like giving me a whole massive dose of confidence. Yippee!!

It's a pretty pink colour just now - not too bad but I do love bright red.

(week start 25.01.11)
The usual
NSD S/M/
£5 a day - M/T/W/T/F (ebay is picking up a bit, phew)
PAD M/T/W/T/F/S/S/ - b/c
check bank account T/W/T/F
check b/c T/
check n/w T
update snowball T/W
update signature W/
sealed pot M/T
keep up with MG diary M/T/W/T/F
keep up with Mike's diary M/T/W/T/F
keep up with Dinah's diary M/T/W/T/F
keep up with little_h's diary M/T/W/T/F
review my 50 day challenge
start a new challenge? - attempted a mind map
keep up with my diary! T/W/T/F
keep up with matrix
15mins M/T
ebay
ironing
make thank you cards (design already decided just get it toshed up on the mac)
post the bl***y DVDs that I have copied
13.92% debt paid to date (14.10.10-25.01.11)
daily do something nice -
S: took some photos of old buildings in South Shields and enjoyed some Minchellas ice cream (got a big tub at home now!)
M: my counselling, a walk in the park to take my daily photo, a long hot bath catching up with the soaps
T: overdue Pret breakfast
W: oh dear, another Pret breakfast!
Th: Jaffa cakes! Time out to complete and submit job application
F: Breakfast and hair appointment
S: Nice chilled day doing MY things
house things to complete -
measure up for bookcase = 252cm
clear out and declutter back bedroom (ongoing!!)
await delivery and fit of replacement front door (FRIDAY?)
find out about the wood used in the hairdressers fittings to use for our book shelves on landing
daily health kick! (note: there are a total of 97 stairs to my office and I count a return journey as '1')
S: NOTHING
M: brisk walk around the park with a smile on my face/1L water
T: 2L water/stairs x3
W: 2L water/stairs x3
T: 2L water/stairs x 4!
F: 2L water/stairs x
S:
daily photo diary:
S: Old pubs in South Shields
M: leaves in Jarrow Park
T: really struggled today - had to photograph MH presentation aids - Stan the Man and some vertebrae! Desperation sets in!
W: Me tea!
T: Jaffa cakes!
F: Stunning Sunrise from Jarrow Metro Station
Must remember and remind myself at all opportunities! -
I give myself permission to be who I want to be
I WILL get rid of the fear of rejection
ALSO
The sun is above the clouds

T
x