Need to get baby into a routine - please help

pinkclouds

strawberrypud wrote: »

I should have said that the baby is not at all happy and content while downstairs with us in the evenings. I literally have her in my arms and am cuddling/rocking/offering the dummy and she is still moaning and crying. She is definitely not in pain, she just seems overtired.

Maybe she actually needs to go to bed earlier? My youngest starts to get tired around dinner time! I'm assuming you are going to feed her through the night though, as 3 months is way too young to last half a day without more milk. Try putting her to sleep an hour earlier. You could express a bottle or prep some formula for MIL to give, at whatever interval baby prefers, a few hours after she goes to sleep.

meritaten

mumslave wrote: »

My kids were all 'contented little babies' and slept 11-7 from 6 weeks and 7-7 by 12 weeks. Eldest is 5, My youngest is currently 6 months old and hasnt been awake in the night since 8 weeks old, so it certainly has worked for me and my four! She comes across as very strict etc etc, but you take from it, what works for you.

At 3 months, all mine were:

7am - up and bottle
8.45-9am nap until 10am.
10.30am bottle
11.45-12pm nap until 2.15-2.30pm
2.30pm - bottle
4.15pm nap until 5pm
5-7pm bath, bottle, bed.

All four of them were in this routine and slept through the night. They slept in a blacked out room and were still swaddled until about 4-5months old. Fraser actually only came out of the swaddle this week and into a grobag, didnt bother him at all.

Thats just what worked for me, I am sure lots of mums have used no routine and still had the same results, its all trial and error, take whatever bits work for you and your baby

you say you put them in a blacked out room and they were swaddled until about 4-5 months old. I find that horrific actually! swaddling went out in the dark ages and although I did find that wrapping baby up or cuddling close helped - I definately WOULDNT have swaddled them!
It may have worked for you - but i find it abhorrent and wouldnt consider it for one moment.
for those who dont know what 'swaddling' is - it means wrapping the baby up in cloths or blankets tightly so their limbs cannot move. and the baby cannot throw off any bedding either. its not recommended as the baby can overheat. I also find it totally abhorrent as the baby is tightly restricted and having had a similar experience of being restricted as a toddler I am a bit paranoid myself about it! (I was actually tied to a hospital bed as a two year old for days and still have nightmares over 50 years later).

Furny

Regarding Swaddling, when i had my son 5yrs ago we where told to swaddle. My Ds was the only boy born that night on a ward of six girls.
Picture five girls all happily swaddeled then my howler thrusting about red in the face trying to get his arms out! midwife says
" typical boy look at that! mark my words he'll be an active one this one full of energy" (she was right!) as much as she tried again over the day he would instantly cry, so i didn't bother anymore!.
The same thing happened if i tried to put him in a chest baby carrier.
Sometimes even so young they seem to have there own mind!

mumslave

meritaten wrote: »

you say you put them in a blacked out room and they were swaddled until about 4-5 months old. I find that horrific actually! swaddling went out in the dark ages and although I did find that wrapping baby up or cuddling close helped - I definately WOULDNT have swaddled them!
It may have worked for you - but i find it abhorrent and wouldnt consider it for one moment.
for those who dont know what 'swaddling' is - it means wrapping the baby up in cloths or blankets tightly so their limbs cannot move. and the baby cannot throw off any bedding either. its not recommended as the baby can overheat. I also find it totally abhorrent as the baby is tightly restricted and having had a similar experience of being restricted as a toddler I am a bit paranoid myself about it! (I was actually tied to a hospital bed as a two year old for days and still have nightmares over 50 years later).

I think you have some very strange ideas about raising babies. What is horrific about sleeping in the dark in a swaddle? Do you presume my babies hated it or something? I think you just have some issues with what happened to you and shouldnt project that onto other people and their babies. I am assuming because you had a bad experience as a toddler, that then means babies must hate being swaddled too. If you have never swaddled a baby, then you will have no idea whether they like to be swaddled or not.

You also have absolutely no idea about swaddling. If that is what they teach you in uni these days....:eek: It is very safe as long as you know how to do it correctly and do not swaddle above the shoulders. In terms of overheating, you use common sense, its not hard. Many babies prefer it as it stops them suffering with the startle reflex when there is sudden loud noise. The only time it is not recommended is when babies are awake or for babies with low birthweight.

Baby spends 9 months inside you, the last few very tightly and in the dark, what makes you think baby then wouldnt like to be tight when sleeping and in the dark? The dark helpes the body produce natural sleep chemicals too.

Perhaps you should actually do some research before throwing out...frankly...total rubbish. :money:

I am still waiting to see where you got the leaving them to cry in a dark room bit. I am presuming you just made that bit up, to fit in with your 'horror' of a poor little swaddled baby screaming in a dark room.

mumslave

OMG! SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES! He slept so well in the swaddle I could take him out of the cot and carry on sleeping he went....

bonty44

Swaddling works for some babies! It was the only way I could get DS1 to sleep. DS2 and DS3, however, prefer to sleep in a sleeping bag.
All of my children have slept in a darkened room and ... guess what ... they get really good sleep as a result, it helps them differentiate between day and night.

Absolutely nothing abhorrent about it.

However meritaten, I can understand your concern if you were strapped to a hospital bed as a two-year old. I can assure you thought that swaddling a baby is entirely different and helps some babies feel secure and comforted.

And yes, I did expect my three month old to be in a routine as it was the only way I could give continuity to DS1 and DS2; they have never been woken up by baby and have never been resentful of extra attention given to baby as they know they get their own fair share when baby is awake and when baby is asleep in a darkened room elsewhere ...

strawberrypud

Last night after the bath I let my baby finish a 9 oz bottle and she fell asleep straight away! That has been unheard of with her at that time of day!

She takes 6 7oz bottles in 24 hours so I assumed that it couldn't be hunger. I've also been told so many times that because she has reflux NOT to give her big feeds. Her reflux is well controlled now so I thought I'd just try that and last night, at least, it worked! She's definitely happy after taking 7oz at every other feed but I'll try giving her that massive feed at the evening feed. When he saw that it had worked my husband said that I over think baby care and don't have the normal instincts other women have boo hoo!

esio_trot

mumslave wrote: »

OMG! SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES! He slept so well in the swaddle I could take him out of the cot and carry on sleeping he went....

Miracle blanket? I bought my 8 week old one about a week ago and the improvement in his sleeping was instant - he loves it and is swaddled every time I put him down.

And as for it being horrific - the health visitors, around here anyway, recommend it if a baby has difficulty sleeping because their limbs scare them and wake them up. I can't see it being cruel to stop, what my son thinks is happening to him, some strange person belting him about the face with a strange pair of arms! He also doesn't overheat or any of that stuff because he sleeps in a vest, and just in a nappy if it is still too warm.

OP - can't really help on the routine, my baby is only 8 weeks and very much rules in terms of what we do with him and when! I also don't really see the point in following any set routine from a book - my son hasn't read it! I do try to do the same things around the same time every night though. Some time between 7-9pm (that's as narrow a timescale as we get just now!) he has some play time, a bath, some nappy free/massage/drying time, a bottle, a cuddle then sleep. I hope in time that he'll recognise this as bedtime. Maybe you could try some variation on this, or let MIL do it when she's around - it's a lovely time to spend with a baby I think, very calm and affectionate - I'm sure she'd love the opportunity (my mum certainly would!)

mumslave

strawberrypud wrote: »

Last night after the bath I let my baby finish a 9 oz bottle and she fell asleep straight away! That has been unheard of with her at that time of day!

She takes 6 7oz bottles in 24 hours so I assumed that it couldn't be hunger. I've also been told so many times that because she has reflux NOT to give her big feeds. Her reflux is well controlled now so I thought I'd just try that and last night, at least, it worked! She's definitely happy after taking 7oz at every other feed but I'll try giving her that massive feed at the evening feed. When he saw that it had worked my husband said that I over think baby care and don't have the normal instincts other women have boo hoo!

Erm, give your DH a slap OP. What a horrible thing to say. Its not easy getting to know your babies cries. At 3 months babies are meant to have a growth spurt and do become unsettled (some believe growthspurts are a myth, I am not one of them!) and cluster feed in the evening.

My first born had silent reflux. I was also told little and often so I know why you were being careful. Dont be hard on yourself, it really is all trial and error x

liney

Meritaten:

Swaddling is (or was 6 years ago) advised by the Midwife (as well as the Baby Whisperer when I was given the book) because babies flinch and wake themselves when they are asleep; they don't like being able to move so freely because they are not used to it, and feel more secure swaddled.

Dark rooms are advised because it creates a night and day association even from a young age, and for very young babies a womb association. Black out blinds are a godsend and my DS6 still has his up now.