Need to get baby into a routine - please help

lloydlf

Is there any reason why she HAS to be asleep for your MIL to watch her? Could she not just have her awake downstairs until you come home if baby would be more settled. None of my children have ever been on a routine at such a young age. Babies just don't understand timetables in my experience and its so much easier for everyone involved if you just go along with them and allow them to set the pace instead of trying to get them to follow your plans. I've got four children age 5, 3 year old twins and a 6 month old and the baby is just starting to go upstairs to sleep now at about 8ish entirely of her own doing though. have you got a sling? I find mine invaluable for popping baby in whilst getting on with whatever need doing including dealing with my older three, bedtimes, cooking etc. There is really no reason why your older child should be missing out just include the baby in whatever you're doing too.

Glamazon

Agree with others - try to implement the Baby Whisperer EASY routine

My LO didn't go to bed at 7pm until he was about 4-5months old and even then I gave him a dream feed at 11pm to top him up so he slept a little bit longer.

The only other piece of advice I have is picking a routine and sticking with it, so make sure that every night is the same so that LO knows its bedtime. Bath, bottle/boob and bed, I've had to rock my son to sleep until just a few weeks ago (he is 1 next week) when I went for the mean Mummy approach. Took 5 nights but he learnt it was bedtime.

Just pick a routine and stick with it. It does get easier honest

strawberrypud

Thanks for all the advise.

I should have said that the baby is not at all happy and content while downstairs with us in the evenings. I literally have her in my arms and am cuddling/rocking/offering the dummy and she is still moaning and crying. She is definitely not in pain, she just seems overtired. So I'm dreading the evening times when I can do nothing to console my baby and I start feeling more and more frustrated and angry as the hours go by . I never shout, I'm endlessly soothing and patient on the outside...inside my blood is boiling. She eventually falls asleep through sheer exhaustion and goes into her cot where she is fine all night.

mumslave

My kids were all 'contented little babies' and slept 11-7 from 6 weeks and 7-7 by 12 weeks. Eldest is 5, My youngest is currently 6 months old and hasnt been awake in the night since 8 weeks old, so it certainly has worked for me and my four! She comes across as very strict etc etc, but you take from it, what works for you.

At 3 months, all mine were:

7am - up and bottle
8.45-9am nap until 10am.
10.30am bottle
11.45-12pm nap until 2.15-2.30pm
2.30pm - bottle
4.15pm nap until 5pm
5-7pm bath, bottle, bed.

All four of them were in this routine and slept through the night. They slept in a blacked out room and were still swaddled until about 4-5months old. Fraser actually only came out of the swaddle this week and into a grobag, didnt bother him at all.

Thats just what worked for me, I am sure lots of mums have used no routine and still had the same results, its all trial and error, take whatever bits work for you and your baby

mumslave

meritaten wrote: »

sorry - but at three months you expect the baby to go to bed at a set time? not many babies do. tbh, at that age mine were still being up and cuddled by either Oh or myself and put to bed at around 10 or 11, when WE went to bed.
babies have their own timetable and while I am sorry its inconvient for YOU, perhaps MIL wont mind if the baby is in a moses basket in the living room until you get home. (lots of cuddle time - personally I would love it). after all, you wont expect her to do anything other than listen out for your toddler will you?
you sound a bit panicked about this - and the kids will pick up on this - so dont be surprised if other one starts acting up. relax - the baby will establish a routine even if its keepin MIL busy until YOU come home then sleeping until morning, after the late bottle given by you.
experience with 3 kids and 6 grandkids tells me to throw the baby books and expectations out of the door and LISTEN to what the baby wants! some are more sociable in the evening than you want - others are early birds and will wake you at sparrowfart! unfortunately, they dont consult you on this!

I would have to disagree with this, to a point. As it just simply isnt true in my case.

pukkamum

I agree with myumslave there is no reason why baby shouldn't be in a routine for everyone's (including) babies sanity.
Many babies become fractious like this from TOO MUCH stimulation and more often than not if they are not being soothed by any of the usual methods she is trying i would say baby needs to be put down in a cot in a blacked out room and soothed simply with patting and a quiet murmur from mum.

Keeping baby in a noisy bright environment like downstairs is not going to help, would you like to try and go to sleep in the living room with everyone around you?

Mumslave routine is very much as the routine i ahve always used as both a nanny and a mum of (nearly) three and it has worked for every one of them.

Babies are like us they need to know what is going to happen and when that way they know what is going to trigger sleep ie bath bottle/feed bed without fail at the same time every night, they also need to know how to get themselves to sleep and you rocking and carrying is not going to help.

Fizog

I agree you need to set a bedtime up for the baby...bath....quiet.feed....bit of relaxing music classical or gentle ballad type stuff...then put baby down in cot and leave....definitley no rocking to sleep downstairs...
I think this will take some time and maybe MIL will be able to put her experience to good use for you.

You seem to be stressing yourself out..babies do not unfortunately fall into line with what you want...he'll probably be a wonderful teeanger and not give you any trouble to make up for now...does he sleep through? if he does hooray for baby ... I think you are expecting too much and every child is different...go with the flow MIL will cope.

AND your baby will learn if you stick to a routine..maybe he's light and noise sensitive and needs a blacked out room...

Good luck will be thinking of you

lloydlf

How often is baby napping in the day? It seems to me that she's getting overtired and this will lead to her being fractious and fussy in the evening as the more tired she gets without sleeping the more adrenaline her body will pump out, it ends up as a bit of vicious cycle. I'd try and aim for at least three naps per day of around at least an hour if not more. Mine have all fallen into a their own routine and naturally napped at around 9, 12 and 3 ish. Hopefully if you can get her napping more she'll either be more ready for sleep when you need her to be or more settled for you to be able to leave her with your MIL

meritaten

I DIDNT mean to imply that babies dont settle into a routine - merely that you cant FORCE them into one! and the routine they choose may not be exactly the one you would want!
sorry, but I wouldnt let a 3 month baby cry in a blacked out room! that would freak ME out never mind a baby who doesnt understand whats going on!
obviously we have different views on what baby understands - from my uni child development courses as well as my experience with kids and grandkids - I feel that babies understand only their OWN needs - which is mainly to be warm, fed and comfortable and also to be held and loved. NOT to be abandoned in the dark!

mumslave

meritaten wrote: »

I DIDNT mean to imply that babies dont settle into a routine - merely that you cant FORCE them into one! and the routine they choose may not be exactly the one you would want!
sorry, but I wouldnt let a 3 month baby cry in a blacked out room! that would freak ME out never mind a baby who doesnt understand whats going on!
obviously we have different views on what baby understands - from my uni child development courses as well as my experience with kids and grandkids - I feel that babies understand only their OWN needs - which is mainly to be warm, fed and comfortable and also to be held and loved. NOT to be abandoned in the dark!

WHom said they would let a baby cry? I have NEVER let any of my children cry, be it controlled crying, crying down or any other form of crying. More than that, I have never known any of mine to cry more than 5- 10 minutes in a day when awake. Please do point out to me where that was said, because i would not agree with that in any way.

I dont go in for this mentality that baby dictates. A baby is a baby and adult is an adult. The adult helps encourage a baby to sleep at night and be awake in the day. The fundamentals are just that...very simple.

I would like to ask, are you suggesting that I am a liar? That my babies did not have a routine from birth without leaving them screaming in the dark for them to become resigned to their fate? As so often is the suggested reason by mothers that simply cannot be a parent but instead go for the 'easy' life until the poor child is older and they can excuse away their lazy parenting in saying that the child 'is not a baby' anymore?

I would think very carefully, if I were you. When it comes to my babies and how I raise them, I will not hold back on my thoughts.