How do you heal a relationship?

ViolaLass

I can't comment on the baby aspect but OH and I sometimes get ourselves into tangles where we know we're each being mean to the other. I've learned that what often helps is to say sorry - sure, he's doing it too and you don't have to gloss over what he's done but when I say sorry and mean it, OH invariably says sorry too and then we can talk about what is going on for us.

It doesn't solve everything but it makes us feel a bit better and gets us talking about why we're in a state. It also reminds me that the thing I love about my husband is that he never makes me feel weak for having said sorry first, he just loves me for having said it (whereas my mother would take it as her having won, for example).

I'm sure your husband loves you dearly and saying sorry will remind him that you love him too.

Tish_P

Wishing you all the best, Lalaladybird. Give yourselves and each other as much kindness as you can. If you both want to sort it out, you will.

RedBern

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I could list all the things my OH does that upsets/annoys me and most people would agree that he sounds awful but I'm sure he has plenty of things he would say about me too.

Any ideas?

Why don't you list all the things that you love about your OH - things that he does that make you laugh - admittedly it may take a little more work;) but it is a much more positive way of seeing things. Sometimes we get into a hole and carry on digging - but sometimes you need to get out of their and start filling the hole in......:)

Your hormones are all over the place as well - so give yourself time. Good luck

Tish_P

Aw, Redbern, that's a lovely idea. You could even write it to your OH as a love letter, if that's the kind of thing he'd like.

Bennifred

I think lots of relationships go through these kinds of periods - I know mine has, several times over the course of a long and mainly happy marriage. My best advice echoes what others have said - do your very best to be kind to him even when you feel like killing him. Fake it till you make it! :A It does help to bring things round more quickly than sniping back.
Talking whilst walking is good, too. Sometimes it's easier to talk when you aren't directly looking at each other.

Remember - this too will pass.....

threemuttleys

do you both get enough time away from the kids?

How about when he gets home tonight, run him a nice bath, make a cup of tea and sit in the bathroom with him and talk to him. Even without kids in the way, relationships need working on all the time.

Hope you get it sorted sweetie xx

poet123

Bennifred wrote: »

I think lots of relationships go through these kinds of periods - I know mine has, several times over the course of a long and mainly happy marriage. My best advice echoes what others have said - do your very best to be kind to him even when you feel like killing him. Fake it till you make it! :A It does help to bring things round more quickly than sniping back.
Talking whilst walking is good, too. Sometimes it's easier to talk when you aren't directly looking at each other.

Remember - this too will pass.....

Good advice, those of us who have been married ages still have to do this from time to time, it stems from life getting in the way:(

OrangeFairy

Big hugs hun

Definitely try and get a sitter and have some time together alone.

If OH and I are getting a bit stressed etc then we try and make an evening to go out for a meal (sometimes using tesco voucher rewards!!) We open up and talk a lot more in this kind of situation.

Though as pp said a nice walk could really help. Definitely takes the pressure off and will make the conversation less intense. Recently OH and i had a morning together and we went for a 2 hour walk while the kids were at school and it was lovely.

Try and get some together time and remember why you love eachother. Be nice as pp have suggested and hopefully he will follow.

Good luck x

gratefulforhelp_2

Another thought...sex. Its pair bonding.

savingmummy

New babies are the biggest test to a couple.
Some will have an easy time and say whats all the fuss, BUT the honest ones understand and go through tough times like your having!

Me and my DH were fine when my DD was born but when our second was born it was a nightmare, i had no time for DH and he had no time for me anymore.
I was always busy, smelt of formula/baby sick Lol! some days i hadnt brushed my hair!!
DH was busy working, then he would have dinner and fall asleep all eveing til bedtime - i could of held a party in the lounge and he wouldnt of known!!We both forgot what it was like to be `us` and it took a lot of work and effort but we got there.

As a pp has already asked have you been to see anyone recently about your babies reflux? has she been reviewed since her last check?
If it is worsening or your finding it affecting her needed sleep maybe call the healthvistor or nursery nurse for some tips on helping her.

Definately find some time for you two again, an hour or two out once a week is good but if you have noone who can help out maybe when children are finally in bed both a meal together, massage, music, candlelit bath. Or do something you both used to enjoy ie, board game or watch a favourite movie doesnt have to be anything to ott if you dont feel it is appropriate. It will give you both some time alone to talk, bond again and enjoy each other
Good luck