Single parent & BF getting the balance right

Zazen999

I'd give your DS a big treat for responding to the underlying 'feeling' and ditch this chap immediately.

Kimberley82

I am so sorry he said all that. I think you should wait till you have calmed down then have a proper chat about how he is your son and you will parent him how you want.

emsywoo123

Zazen999 wrote: »

I'd give your DS a big treat for responding to the underlying 'feeling' and ditch this chap immediately.

I think in the 873 years I have been on here (so it feels ) I have agreed with you completely on about 2 occasions..........this is one of those :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

My DD is just 7, and I am a single parent, have some understanding of your situation.

Personally, he would not be seen for dust.

Zazen999

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I think in the 873 years I have been on here (so it feels ) I have agreed with you completely on about 2 occasions..........this is one of those :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Easy Emsy - don't wanna ruin my reputation.......:eek::eek::eek:

[I don't even agree with me completely half the time....]

mummy_Jay

cookie54 wrote: »

does you partners son live with him or does he come ever wk end or what ever?
i am wondering if your partner wants to hold your hand and not have your son in tow with his son left out.
May be is struggling with having 2 children in the house and not being fully in controll. IE his house rules may be different to your and as i guess you are either at his house or yours then it will alway be that way.
Is there anyway the other child could be encouraging your child to be rude etc and then playing you and your son off againist his dad?

I would be careful about giving in responding to your partners request as it could be a controlling thing and your son may stop telling you whatis wrong and that would be a bad thing

good luck

He has his DS every saturday, with every other one being overnight, thought he had more over nights recently.
I think you may be right that he struggles with not being fully incontroll with both boys in the house.
There is a chance that the other boy is encouraging him in some way they both get very over excited when together but I really don't want to start playing pass the buck.

So far the only response he's had off me was my shock and me pointing out how no one has ever said those things about my ds before on the contary they have said how polite and good he is. If he went around breaking toys I think I would have heard about it from one of his childminders by now.

My reaction is if this is happening, there has to be a reason and I need to address the route cause of the problem. Part of me thinks maybe some of this is my DS is feeling left out as he's not getting as much time with just me.

DX2

mummy_Jay wrote: »

I don't know if anyones still reading this but I spoke to BF last night about it and was quite shocked with the response. I got a lecture on how he couldn't stand my DS behavour, he accused him of being bad mannered, insulant and accused me of not controlling him, oh and I'm wrong to ask my ds his feeling on things like getting rid of his trampoline. He pretty much accuse my ds of breaking his ds things on purpose. Also that at his age according to bf he should be able to do his seatbelt up (something I've only just taught him in the last couple of months) and that he shouldn't be holding my hand when we walk down the street. (My ds has only just literally turned 6)

Jesus! in three months he has got his feet well under your table and you are even doubting your own parenting skills by having to ask a childminder how your child behaves.

DITCH HIM NOW.

Of course your son is going to act out it has been mummy and him for six years, then in the space of three very shorts months there's a new man and another child all wanting a piece of his mummy.

Zazen999

mummy_Jay wrote: »

My reaction is if this is happening, there has to be a reason and I need to address the route cause of the problem. Part of me thinks maybe some of this is my DS is feeling left out as he's not getting as much time with just me.

Yes, the reason is that your son is getting used to the new people. To be honest, it's not that that worries me; it would worry me if he wasn't playing up a bit, it shows he is thinking and testing the boundaries.

My issue is the new bf's reaction and his inability to see the above. And if he reacts like this after 3 months, your DS is gonna get the ar5e end of this man if you do eventually move in together.

Your bf has been successful in directing your concerns away from him and towards your son. You might spend several months with him, trying to figure your son's behaviour out and by then, you will have invested even more time in this man.

This is all about control; he is controlling you and making you think that you aren't controlling your son.

Cut the ties now - 3 months is nothing and your son will be better off long term without this person in your life.

emsywoo123

Zazen this is ridiculous! We must stop agreeing, the world will stop spinning or something. :rotfl:

Totally agree with the last 2 posts. 100 %.

Pee

The right age for holding hands etc I think you are just going to have to agree to disagree on, as I think I'd want to hold a child's hand for as long as they were happy to do it.

I think you should try to have more time on your own with your boyfriend and more time on your own with your son. I can see why your son doesn't want to share you, and you do need some time alone together, but I think you also need some time away from him.

Kate78

mummy_Jay wrote: »

little things ring alarm bells

Those little things... that are so easy to ignore and rationalise away.

They are the things that you look back on in years to come and say, "I should have listened my instinct."