Clutter and hoarding - help!

aliasojo

Just thought I'd pop back in to say hello again.

Forgot about this thread until I saw it in the 'new posts' bit, lol.

C_Q, ditto everything that has been said before. Regardless of situation, I do think main thing is not to beat yourself up - if you do, then you just end up even more stressed and even less able to cope.

I think a happier frame of mind is required first, then coping will follow.

Thanks to the link that was posted earlier in the thread to the Squalor site, I finally understand something that's puzzled me for years. I am a complete perfectionist. I also have a messy house. Two two always seemed to be in direct contradiction to each other. After reading this little excerpt, I now get it!

If I'm a perfectionist, wouldn't my house be perfectly clean?

Perfectionism gets in the way of our priorities by causing us to focus on insignificant details instead of the big picture.

We spend an entire morning polishing the silver to a blinding shine, oblivious to the general condition of the house deteriorating around us.

Until someone knocks at the door, that is. Then we become painfully aware.

Important tasks vs. less important tasks

Say you have a pile of shirts sitting around not getting ironed.

The non-Perfectionist recognizes this is a less-important task (to her) and takes 5 minutes to hang them up in the wardrobe - unironed.

"Terrible idea," says the Perfectionist. "Clothes shouldn't be put away until ironed and starched and hung on coat hangers (ideally, padded with lavender sachets attached.) While I'm at it, I should iron the recycled giftwrap..."

Perfectionism leads to procrastination

That's hours and hours of do-your-best nonsense, such a daunting thought that the Perfectionist finds reasons to put off actually doing the ironing.

Both Perfectionist and non-Perfectionist have unironed shirts. But the non-Perfectionist has a better looking house.

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. Lin Yutang

Perfectionism leads to indecision

Perfectionists may also have problems with decision making, searching for the one perfect solution to a situation rather than choosing from a variety "less perfect" possibilities.

Perfectionism is self abuse of the highest order. Anne Wilson Schaef

The first and last are me to a T (as those who helped me on my washing machine thread will know ).


At the moment, I have no bedroom (due to renovation - floor, everything up). My new bedroom furniture is stacked in the Dining Room so we're eating off our knees again. My clothes have no home and are tastefully draped across....well, everywhere really. We have to climb over packs of flooring in the hall and there are DIY tools in every nook and cranny. Even the kids are getting stressed and their rooms are unaffected!

This is all on top of the usual mess, lol!

I want to move out.

elona

Curry Queen

You are back :j :j :j


We have been worried about you pet! Hope you are feeling a bit better.

Instead of feeling that something is being taken from you and that you are losing it - could you reframe your thoughts so that you feel that you are generously giving to someone out there who really needs and will appreciate the stuff - also that you are giving yourself the gift of space and freedom from the clutter.


Please try to do something for yourself - you deserve it.

Now you are back I am sure there will be a lot more messages trying to get through to you.

Welcome back :A

needmoney

Curry_Queen, ALL BEST WISHES TO YOU your posts are alwyas interesting and often make me smile, do take great care of yourself x

Curry_Queen

Thankyou again :A

Aliasojo - thanks so much for posting those quotes, they really brought a smile to my face ... yes I'm also one of life's perfectionists and if a job can't be done properly then it aint worth doing at all ... which is probably why I've ended up in this mess in the first place as I spend far too many hours procrastinating instead of just getting on with it

The ironing one in particular made me laugh as yes, I have piles of un-ironed clothes sitting around and cluttering up the place as I can't bear to put them in draws/wardrobes un-ironed, but guess what ... I no longer do the ironing so that means they never get put away LOL!

Talking of clothes ... my bed has been buried beneath piles of "ironing" for the last 6mths and I've been sleeping on the sofa, so yesterday I finally sorted through the lot and now have my pile sat on the floor in front of the wardrobe, DS's pile sat on his spare bed and a couple more bags for recycling/charity ... maybe I should try putting them into the wardrobes next :rotfl:

And .... I actually slept in my own bed last night and didn't wake up with back ache this morning!!!!

I've set myself the small task today of going through a chest of drawers and throwing out old underwear/night clothes etc ... some of which dates back to my teenage years!!!! ... so that I can actually put away some of the stuff from the floor.

I also have a cunning plan to block up the entrance door with bags of rubbish/recycling so when my ex turns up tonight to collect DS he'll have to remove them to get in and hopefully deposit them in appropriate bins on his way home (he has got a van after all!!!)


This girl aint beat yet ... she may be down but she certainly aint out


And not only that ... but I've missed you all

Fran

Hi Curry_Queen and other clutterers and hoarders......

I've finally got round to reading (a lot of) this thread. There's so much info on here! CQ - sounds good.. any tidying has got to help and make you feel better.

I was going to quote people but there's so many things said, here's just a few of my thoughts.....

I've hoarded stuff since having kids and carried stuff round while moving three times over the past 15 years. It's not that I haven't chucked stuff out, I have, but there was just so much of it. On the last but one move I decided NOT to use the loft, so everything had to be in the house. Trouble was that there were plenty of cupboards to store in. On the last move, there aren't cupboards and spaces, I still haven't used the loft and have stuff in the rooms. On the last-but-one move I tried to do everything at once and ended up with a virus I couldn't recover from for about 3 months, so for the last move took it slower. This is finally paying off... it's taken four years altogether.

I try to do things that bug me most and don't worry if I don't do it, only when feel like it.

I don't care about other people's clutter but for some reason think they will care about mine.

I clean/tidy if someone's coming round as though they'd notice this subtle difference.... they didn't know what it was like before!

I use thinking about the clutter and how I might organise it as an excuse not to think about more important things.

I remember going to my parents' house after I'd left home and thinking how tidy it was... not that I ever noticed or thought it was untidy! It then dawned on me that it was us kids that had caused most of the mess.

Have your kids genetically tested for clutterness. I've got 2 messy and 2 tidy kids. Get reject-a-clutterer sperm detector.

Don't let your son talk you into getting a dog, unless you want your plant stock and furniture reducing. (Ok until it gets to essential items like your settee and socks are always a favourite with puppies.)

Don't sit on this site when you should be doing something else anyway. Bye!

Savvy_Sue

Congratulations on getting back into your bed! :beer::j:A:T I could probably find a few more if I had time right now! Hopefully without the backache you'll be able to tackle that chest of drawers: which reminds me my undies drawer is full of socks which aren't quite worn out but which I never wear any more because I've bought new ones! Glove puppets for the local school, hopefully!

crutches

you are all so inspiring!
Yesterday,during my "rest" in bed I filed 2 boxes away in my new file while i waited for the painkillers 2 work.Its a start?
hopefully now the paperwork is filed i can find things for the debt thread lol.!
can't see the rest of my house but have grouped all plant pots together in garden to have somewhere pretty to sit away from mess,recycling,compost and kids bikes.!
now off to wash up...we've used everything and the picnic sets(8 of us!)

Sofa_Sogood

elona wrote:

Sofasogood

This may seem obvious- but are we really talking about storage?

Under bed,top of wardrobes - in empty unused wardrobes etc. Would cheap or homemade shelving let you pile everything high and then let you use the room.

If you have high ceilings then shelves above the door can be out of sight and hold some stuff.

Old suitcases can be filled then piled on top of each other - label as you go.

If this does not help then sorry and good luck.

Is the stuff temporary or permanent - for pressies or sale etc?

Hi elona

I've been wondering for a while why this thread was placed in the Health Section of the board, but I think I realise why now. Hoarding (and shopping), probably is a sort of illness. Not life-threatening of course (unless I fall over and drown in all the bubble wrap I've accumulated and saved 'just in case')

It's a storage problem and a spending problem. If I emininate the last one, I'll be able to tackle the first one , but because we downsized, there's just a serious lack of storage space. Actually, there isn't - I'm just in denial. I just haven't had the heart to ditch stuff, and because I found myself with extra money - I seem to have gone mad with the spending habit.

But it's got to stop now. A parcel arrived a couple of days ago and not only did I mentally groan about it, I didn't even bother to open it!

I'd better stick a in somewhere or people would think I've gone mad, or got more money than sense.

It's all brand new stuff meant for presents etc, but I've bought shoes, bags, brollies, and I never go out! How mad is that? I've even bought suitcases that I don't need because they were a 'bargain'. I buy 'bargains' for everyone in the family ... they're not bargains if I'm giving them away though are they? To top it all, the last time I went shopping I ended up buying some pictures that my daughter had donated to Scope the week before.:rotfl: It's mad isn't it?

But thanks to your post, and others, I'm going to tackle it today.

Six months ago I had a lot of stuff but at least it was all tidied away. Now I'm climbing over boxes and can't even reach the cupboards, but if I could, I'd never get any more stuff in them. Luckily they're upstairs where most people never go (good job really )

I can't put shelves or anything above doors, but thanks for the suggestion. Can't put anything above the wardrobes either, they're all floor to ceiling, and the beds are the type that go to the floor with a minute amount of storage space.

What I can do is have a clear out. Because my weight yoyo's I seem to have 6 of everything, in 6 different sizes , so I'll start with the smallest sizes.

I've already listed all my books on Green Metropolis and packed them away in a nice Laura Ashley storage box that doubles up as a side table. Hasn't solved the problem, but it's a start. Then I'm going to empty out the cupboard under the stairs, take out the shelves that hold even more junk, and replace them with second hand filing cabinets. At least I know they'll store stuff without the bottoms dropping out .

And I'm staying away from eBay lol. If I have an urge to buy anything soon, I'll make sure I've got room for it/need it first.

I hope

Thanks again.

P.S. The worst part about it all is that I'm a 'filing' nutcase. I file everything in order like a woman possessed. But I don't know how to file gifts and 'bargain's

I think the charity shops might have a field day next week lol.

chinagirl

Hi Sofa sogood.
I see your problem, but really the level on which you deal with it depends on how deeply the clutter is affecting the rest of your life. For instance, in your case, it may pay to just shut the door on it for now, then try re-selling it on Ebay. However, if you feel you are at the 'desparate, drowning under it all' stage, my initial advice still stands, sling-it! (bag it ALL up for charity, if that would make you feel better about letting it go).

Sofa_Sogood

chinagirl wrote:

Hi Sofa sogood.
I see your problem, but really the level on which you deal with it depends on how deeply the clutter is affecting the rest of your life. For instance, in your case, it may pay to just shut the door on it for now, then try re-selling it on Ebay. However, if you feel you are at the 'desparate, drowning under it all' stage, my initial advice still stands, sling-it! (bag it ALL up for charity, if that would make you feel better about letting it go).

Thanks chinagirl. It doesn't really affect my life as such .... I just dread the thought of friends needing to stay - I'd have nowhere to put them!

I'm going to spend another weekend sorting it all out. I've become an eBay buying addict, listed books to sell on Green Metroplis whilst still buying them on eBay. Bought some fantastic bargains, which wouldn't have been a problem at all if we hadn't downsized. It just gets me down.

I blame this site I really do. There's so many bargains posted etc, for which I'm grateful, but it's addictive. I'm a spendaholic with no space

But I've got a great sister-in-law who just loves doing car boot sales. She's made a small fortune at it, and has offered to help me by selling some of my better stuff

I'll bag up all the clothes for dumping first, (better that way than hope they come back into fashion lol) charity shops second, and clothes for shops where you get approx half your money back (forgotten what they're called now - bit like nearly new). The rest I'll have to slim into or wear

As for cd's, books, VHS and dvd stuff - eBay! When I can work it out and have the courage to do it! lol

Thanks again. I feel better just typing that.