Clutter and hoarding - help!

Savvy_Sue

CQ, another idea if you can find some money to pay someone for some of this work is to talk to your son and ask if he would like to help you with what he is capable of in exchange for either money or a treat or something like that. If he knows he can refuse I feel that takes the pressure off him a bit, and they're all different, he may prefer to keep the money 'in the family', or to have his free time! With half-term coming up that may be a good time to tackle some jobs with him. Just an idea - have sent my youngest out to cut the grass today, he's the only son not to have developed hayfever from this task, so fingers crossed! He gets paid very generously for this job, that's a reflection of how much I DON'T want either me or DH to have to do it! But washing up isn't a paid job in this house: do it or ELSE!

Curry_Queen

Savvy_Sue wrote:

Oh good CQ I'm glad you've had a few thoughts on where to start.

It's just a shame I can't make those thoughts become reality though

You've all given me some great advice and suggestions which I appreciate very much and I started making plans on how to tackle it all but that's as far as I've got. I haven't even been able to make a list yet of things that need doing, let alone contact any of the charities and so forth.

What's making everything so much worse is that I'm also struggling to even do the daily chores now. I've got washing up sitting there from 3 days ago, DS's school uniform is still in the wash basket which he needs tomorrow and as embarrassed as i am to admit it, I haven't had a bath/shower or changed my clothes in several days

I didn't even notice the cats needed food and water till they almost tripped me up rubbing round my legs and making me follow them to the kitchen this morning. I'm just glad DS has been away this weekend or I doubt I'd even have had the energy to feed him so it would have been back to take-aways again, which is something I resorted to before the weekend too.

So why not get my fat a$$ off the computer and get on with it? I try and end up wandering around looking at it all before bursting into tears and climbing back under the duvet on the sofa. I'm sat here in tears now writing this as somehow admitting I'm not coping makes it all real and I'm struggling to put on that mask and pretend none of it is happening, even online.

I look around these four walls and detest being here, it's become my prison and I can't escape, and part of me just wants to smash it all up but then I'd have even more mess to clear up and probably get evicted too just to make matters worse. I just don't know what to do anymore

moggins

!!!!!!!!!!!!{CQ}}}}}}}}

I know you've already said you don't want to go back to your doctor but maybe it's time hun? I recognise all of my past self in what you've written and I know how hard it is and how you feel that no one truly understands.

There is one thing you can do though, give yourself a break! Nothing in life lasts forever, you may feel like this at the moment but one day you'll wake up and that cloud will seem a little smaller and the world a little brighter.

The trouble is that the task seems so huge and the problems insurmountable, babysteps! If you can just find the energy set yourself one tiny little job that won't take more than 10 minutes to accomplish, if you can manage just that then it is a major accomplishment.

If you were only close to me then I'd be round to help out in a flash, little car with huge boot to the rescue It's done so many trips to the tip lately that it knows the way all by itself

elona

:A Curry Queen

I agree with Moggins - you are overwhelmed and need help - please, please see your doctor.

Try to think survival - you do not have to do everything - even one or two little things that have to be done would help clear your load.

I just wish all the people you have helped could be there to physically help you.

Big hug and there are a lot of us thinking of you :A

Savvy_Sue

:grouphug: to CQ. :A and your cats think so too, and on a good day so does your son even if he doesn't show it.

But I agree with moggins, it may be time to see GP again. If only to see what extra help you need. Let's hear it for CQ - you're worth more than this! You're not a complete failure! We love you!

Sofa_Sogood

moggins wrote:

There is one thing you can do though, give yourself a break! Nothing in life lasts forever, you may feel like this at the moment but one day you'll wake up and that cloud will seem a little smaller and the world a little brighter.

The trouble is that the task seems so huge and the problems insurmountable, babysteps! If you can just find the energy set yourself one tiny little job that won't take more than 10 minutes to accomplish, if you can manage just that then it is a major accomplishment.

And housework isn't the be all and end all, unless it gets you down.

Curry_Queen, moggins understands. But do what you want to do for you. And for your best interests.

I'd say spend 10 minutes on yourself each day: it's not much is it? Starting with a shower. A bath takes too long. Maybe 15 minutes on housework, for starters too? Empty a kitchen drawer.

Set aside time for this forum and time for yourself. I say this forum because I can't see anything to beat it. Don't worry that you'll miss anything - send your e-mail add to someone you can trust whilst you're cleaning, bathing, kicking the pc , but understand that time for yourself is worth more than time spent here. I know by experience.

I know how you're placed I think, so keep the pc on with this place (and others if necessary), in the background. The world does NOT revolve around forums with C_Q in them, so you shouldn't let your world revolve around them.

But read your PM's, ring your doctor/nurse/anyone.

Just don't carry on like this. Please?

And don't worry. No-one that I know has ever died because their house is upside down. But they do when they get stressed out.

Take care ok?

xxx

chinagirl

All I can add to this is
A: Get angry with the clutter. Throw everything out, so what if you overdo it, possessions are replaceable.
B: Don't bother trying to separate things, when your in a situation like that, its survival that counts. Throw everything out. Bin everything.

I know this seems harsh, but you have gone past the separate/sell/charity stage, its time to get down to business and "make like a JCB". The reward of clearing and enlarging your living space will far out-weigh any potential money earnings and you wont have to hang on to bags of stuff until you sell etc.


GET ANGRY !
GAIN CONTROL !
( It works for me)

Sofa_Sogood

chinagirl wrote:

All I can add to this is
A: Get angry with the clutter. Throw everything out, so what if you overdo it, possessions are replaceable.
B: Don't bother trying to separate things, when your in a situation like that, its survival that counts. Throw everything out. Bin everything.

I know this seems harsh, but you have gone past the separate/sell/charity stage, its time to get down to business and "make like a JCB". The reward of clearing and enlarging your living space will far out-weigh any potential money earnings and you wont have to hang on to bags of stuff until you sell etc.


GET ANGRY !
GAIN CONTROL !
( It works for me)

I know this is meant for C_Q chinagirl, but just to sling in a curve ball, what about stuff that's brand new and there's no room for it?

I've taken up a bedroom with 'bargains', and that room's needed. so another room suffers etc. I'm overloaded with stuff that's still in boxes and brand new.

eBay should be the answer - but some of it was from eBay

Is it a case where some of us just need space?

I can see the answer to C_Q's problems - like 'sling it', 'give it away', 'let go' and all that, but is it just something to do with collecting things and not letting go of anything maybe?

It's bewildering, it really is.

I just want my space back.

P.S. I'm 'angry' at my brand new stuff. How do I kick the hell's bells out of it?

elona

Sofasogood

This may seem obvious- but are we really talking about storage?

Under bed,top of wardrobes - in empty unused wardrobes etc. Would cheap or homemade shelving let you pile everything high and then let you use the room.

If you have high ceilings then shelves above the door can be out of sight and hold some stuff.

Old suitcases can be filled then piled on top of each other - label as you go.

If this does not help then sorry and good luck.

Is the stuff temporary or permanent - for pressies or sale etc?

Curry_Queen

Hi

Sorry I've not been around the last few days and thanks for all the lovely messages of support, you're all truly wonderful :A

I think Sofa_Sogood may well have hit the nail on the head with the following comment ... (who needs psychologists eh LOL!)

Sofa_Sogood wrote:

I can see the answer to C_Q's problems - like 'sling it', 'give it away', 'let go' and all that, but is it just something to do with collecting things and not letting go of anything maybe?

I've had so much loss in my life over the last few years ... my family, my husband, my two eldest children, my home and also the deaths of my mother, my horse (who was also my best friend) and several friends fairly recently ... that maybe I have a deep-rooted psychological need to hang on to what little I have left. I know this is a bit deep for so early in the morning and I'm only on my second :coffee: but when I read that it was like I'd been hit over the head with a sledge hammer and I had one of those sudden "light-bulb" moments!

Having said that, I'm still not sure of the best way to tackle it all but having some idea of what's behind it all does help I guess.

Onwards and upwards as they say .....