stay away

justjohn

Stifle means smother in some manner. Well thats what i assume it to mean.

sueeve

Stifle to me means pressure on me to make my life, interests, wishes, subservient to his. I agree that it is a word which may mean different degrees of behaviour to different people. A lack of freedom to be me.

niccy

a lot seems to being made of the word stifle ,its my word not hers.She has a small business that she started 6 years ago ,it turns over around £10k a year , never made a loss but also never done great things.I have always encouraged her with this but it has never really been exploited by her.
I have heart probs and been recovering for a few years now so had lost some of my get up and go.I am away visiting family , left last Sunday ,Tuesday i got a message via facebook that she wanted me to stay away for 3 months .The next day a phone call that she did not want me back at all.She has a Uni course that she has to attend for a week at the end of August and has said i can use that week to move out and look after the kids. I am not perfect but i feel i could never treat someone like this.
Thursday she informed me that she had told all the kids that dad has got to move out.I am due to return Friday.I gave her the house 10 years ago as a sign of my love and trust and also to empower her !

Gloomendoom

There is nothing legally stopping you going home. As you are married, the fact that the house is just in her name is irrelevant.

If you want to go home, go.

Mrs_justjohn

Glad you came back Niccy

If I take your post at face value (which is all I can do as I obviously do not have her side of this) then I think she is being unreasonable. A facebook message to say you must stay away for 3 months and then a phonecall to say you are to stay away for good after 22 years of marriage?? No discussion? No sitting down to discuss things..reasons, problem, solutions...etc?....and then to tell your kids that you are leaving without you being there and before any 'talks' had taken place? This IMHO is unreasonable behaviour.

I am not sure of the sense in signing the house over to her but what is done is done....as I have said previously your best bet is a solicitor.

Good Luck

Gloomendoom

Mrs_justjohn wrote: »

I am not sure of the sense in signing the house over to her but what is done is done....as I have said previously your best bet is a solicitor.

I think that worrying about the house at this stage is a little premature. It used to be traditional for the house to be in the wife's name only. After 22 years marriage it won't matter who's name it is in or who paid for it.

I have been through a divorce and the same issue was raised.


OP Before you spend money on solicitors try to get her to talk.


I hope you both sort it out.

justjohn

Get legal advice and don't not tell her you have done so. First half hour is free.(some give you longer)
Talk to her and try to be reasonable and find out her attitude regarding your relationship and how you will move on.(is she over emotional or depressed?)

You obviously do not want this. i have been through a divorce/break up and seen many.

Some are reasonable some are not. The odds in law are stacked against the guy. Try to work it out 22 years is a substantial time to be married/in a relationship. You should know what each others like and how you both react to things.

If things do get nasty and bitter in divorce you will come of worse. Face it , but do not lie down.

i hope all goes well for you. And hope you can sort this out.

Becles

Sorry to hear your news. Hope you are ok xx

I know how much you love the bairns and family life. Could you try and talk her into some sort of mediation service? It's worth trying to save it rather than just giving up.

Mrs_justjohn

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I think that worrying about the house at this stage is a little premature. It used to be traditional for the house to be in the wife's name only. After 22 years marriage it won't matter who's name it is in or who paid for it.

Yes I think I did say on this thread (or maybe I am confusing it with another thread) that as long as you can show you have contributed to the home whether by mortgage, maintenace, bills etc....then it is a marital asset (not sure if that is the right phrase) and he has a claim on it.

I have been through a divorce and the same issue was raised.


OP Before you spend money on solicitors try to get her to talk.

Yes I agree with this - although if you can get a 30 mins free session with a solicitor then it wouldn't be a bad idea to be armed with some 'facts' if/when you do talk


I hope you both sort it out.

Good Luck!!

Person_one

How old are your children?