In laws and childcare

super41

Gosh I thought I'd had a few issues with my MIL in the past but nothing compared with some of your experiences! I really feel for you all. What I found difficult when I had my first baby was that I was lacking in confidence and needed guidance. Found that grandparents experience conflicted with present thinking of health visitors etc. Much of this is a generational thing - my parents/MIL always worried about baby being too cold, sleeping on its back etc. Things have changed a lot since the 60s!
You must lay the law down immediately before it become an issue - after all its your precious baby. If they don't follow your wishes I think you have no option but to stop them looking after them, full stop.
PS I can relate to the milk intolerance thing. My daughter was allergic to cow's milk until 4 years old (I have serious nut allergy so perhaps not surprising) and fortunately no-one gave her anything but it was the constant incredulous questions I got as if I was making it up, or a little wouldn't hurt etc.

krisskross

But do bear in mind that just very occasionally grandparents may be right. I remember when my first grandaughter was born being horrified when she was laid on her tummy to sleep. My daughter told me this was what she had been told to do by the health care professionals...her and thousands of other new mums. This was disproved and is no longer recommended, but honestly it was.

margaretclare

Thriftylady wrote:

Correct, left school at 14 and accuses anyone who studies medicine/law/dentistry or whatever of being full of themselves. But still expects to avail of their services, funnily enough !!

So she must be over 70. The minimum school-leaving age changed from 14 to 15 in - I think - 1950, following the implementation of the Education Act 1944 (also called the Butler Act after the politician who was Education Minister at the time).

She may have had unfulfilled ambitions/dreams. It was much less usual to study for one of the professions then, especially if you were a girl - 'waste of time, she'll only get married' was what you heard all the time. These feelings might have been rankling away in her mind all these years.

Margaret

highland

Hi Thriftylady my otherhalf was wondering if you share the same MIL (is it mum in law or Mad in laws). HEY she means my mum!!!:eek: She does THINK she is an expert on anything you name it Legal, Banking, Medical ,childcare etc. She was convinced all the way through her pregnancy that my oh was gonna die:eek: and sneekily got a key cut so she could stop me from hanging myself when I lost her ????? You are not alone. Sorry to make light of your nightmare you need to let your oh know, and make a stand (violence pehaps?) this is so important and it would just get worse. Sorry can't be more help.

doogle_chick

You have my utmost sympathies!!

By best friend had this problem and when her midwife found out about it when discovering bf in tears after a MIL visit, the midwife said - blame it all on me - tell her I told you this and I told you that. The MIL didn't dare question the authority of the midwife and bf was left in peace after that!

Might not help in your case but could be worth a try!!

Zziggi

jellyhead wrote:

the problem with lactose intolerance is that (some) older people seem to think it's a new fangled thing that doesn't really exist. the effects aren't immediate either - not like a peanut allergy for example. it drives me mad when people give my baby ice cream, chocolate etc. thinking it won't hurt - nowadays i make a point of staying until the effects are obvious. when they can't soothe a screaming baby's tummy ache, or they are covered in vomit they might think twice about making a lactose intolerant baby ill.

I think you have hit the nail on the head jellyhead. My parents seem to think that my kids dairy intollerance is just a figment of my imagination. That soon changed when i took DS round at 1am! (see earlier pot in the thread). They constantly refer to the fact that i was never allergic to cows products and that absolutely no-one else in the family they know of are intollerant to cows' products.. This is a bit illogical given the fact that they have totally failed to consider OH's family (i.e 50% of the kids genes) and the fact that my father was adopted so we have no idea about that side of the family either! It is amazing how people will construct ideas just to fit in with what they want to believe.

jellyhead

i read somewhere recently that milk intolerance doesn't actually run in families, so you could tell her that the dietician i recently spoke to says that it often does. there's plenty of it in the boys on my dad's side of the family, but only in this generation, aged under 30. perhaps it wasn't diagnosed before then, and back in my gran's day there wouldn't have been any alternative anyhow, breastmilk contains lactose too. my brother's soya formula didn't contain calcium but things seem to be getting better as more is known.

also, in many cases a baby will only be lactose intolerant for the colic period of up to 4 months, many more will outgrow the problem by 12 months so that confirms things for those who thought it was all in the mother's head.

ho hum, i suppose i'm lucky in that respect, because at least one side of my family knows all about lactose intolerance, so that's a quarter of my children's family.

i don't know what to suggest, i'm tempted to say tell her off, but this is a forum and in real life you can't handle things how you'd like to. i do think that it should be the child telling their own parents when they are overstepping the mark and not her telling the mother in law off or him telling his MIL off. she has to know that her darling son agrees with you, and isn't just being dominated by a stroppy wife.