help me turn it all around

thegoodlifewannabe

Hi don't judge me too bad but i am in debt approx £20.000 (conservatory loan and credit cards) plus £65.000 mortgage i am overweight (very) i have drepession ( no reason but im sure its just chemical but need to get myself back to normal) and alson drink too much i keep trying to sort myself out by tackling everything at once and fail very easy and very quickly i know this sound big headed but during the day im the perfect mum it all goes to pot at night when my babies which arent babies anymore are in bed. ive let myself go all my energy has gone into my kids but now i feel scared because im so out of shape and im worried about my health
where do i start ? .

angelaf_3

Have you tried the debt free wannabie forum excellent advice on all aspects of debt busting there. Flylady on here or the flylady web site could help with pacing yourself and all the wonderful people on here will help with tips.

Don't give up with all the help and lovely people on this site you will soon be on the way up.

kymbogs

thegoodlifewannabe wrote: »

i am overweight (very) i have drepession ( no reason but im sure its just chemical but need to get myself back to normal) and alson drink too much i keep trying to sort myself out by tackling everything at once and fail very easy and very quickly i know this sound big headed but during the day im the perfect mum it all goes to pot at night when my babies which arent babies anymore are in bed.

Hi there,
first of all welcome and please don't feel you will be judged. Everyone on the OS board is very kind and lovely
I can really empathise with your situation. We have a lot of debt, though I don't tend to worry about that on a day-to-day basis as financial situation is sort of in stasis at the moment, payments set up, plans set up with those required etc and income and outgoings remaining more or less stable.
I too am very overweight and have suffered from depression for a looooong time, and I know what you mean when you say it's purely chemical - people often seem to think there has to be a reason, some tragic life event! As far as I'm concerned my depression is caused by a simple chemical imbalance.

I've got two young kids, 2 and 3. It's so easy to do everything for them and neglect yourself isn't it. What I've found is that if I try and treat our family unit as a team, rather than the kids being the deciding factor in everything we do, things work so much better. For example this week I have (once again) made the decision to finally shift some weight and I had a conversation with Molly, the eldest, about how mummy needs to get healthier and does she think we can all do it together, will she eat more fruit and veg with me, will she do exercises with me etc. She thinks it's all great fun, as does Megan even though she doesn't really understand why lol. I just found that when I thought of it like "I'll sort out my food and do exercise when the kids are in bed" it never gets done because it's so hard to get going again once they are in bed isn't it!

Anyway I'm rambling on far too much, so sorry about that, but please do PM me or chat on here if you want to talk or if there's anything I can do to help.

Kimberley xxx

Emma1979

I really don't know what advice to offer .. Take it one step at a time and I am sure things will get easier.

sending lots of (((((hugs))))) it sounds as though you need them hun.. x

kerrypn

I can empathise with you so much-about 18 months ago I could have been writing that.

I think you need to write down all things you need to change and how you want to do that.
Sometimes if its there on paper staring you in the face it hits you more.

I would start by doing this. Once you have it all down, decide which is the most important change you need to make-quite often that one thing will inevitably affect the other things too.

But most of all, dont feel bad and put yourself down ((((BIG hugs))))

liley9

hi you are not on your own on this site everyone is so friendly on old style with excellant tips. i feel the same there is so much i would love to change about our lives we aint in debt but what comes in go's out on bills with no spare if you no what i mean.

i have two children who seem to take up every bit of energy i have and a few years ago once they had gone to bed i would have said lets have a takeaway,now i say get something out of the freezer that i have batched cooked.(my husband works very strange hours and i cook for the kids early).

but dont beat yourself your on the first step and you swill get so much info from here

good luck

smileyt_2

Didn't want to read and run when you sound so down.

Perhaps a place to start would be with the drinking? Most towns and cities seem to have places that would offer help with overcoming this. It would help with your weight too since alcohol has a lot of empty calories. They might be able to help you find out why you are drinking, too, and replace it with a healthier outlook or activity. Admitting this is a problem for you is incredibly brave, so you must give yourself credit for that, and take the next step.

Also, alcohol will drain vital vitamins from your body, which can make any depression much worse.

Can your GP help at all?

Please stick around. Try to find some help and take it one day at a time. And be proud that you are being a good mum, that in itself is an achievement (look in the papers for stories of poor neglected kids if you need proof of your achievement).

You have taken the first step by admitting to yourself that you have some problems. Now you will be able to go forward and look for solutions, and good on you for that. Don't despair.

[Deleted User]

You've done the first thing by admiting to yourself and to us what is wrong and what needs to be put right! I would definately speak to someone in the medical world - I had an exhaustive breakdown last year and my doctor was absolutely fantastic. I was overwhelmed with the amount of things I had to do. Like you I was fab during the day but would fall to pieces on an evening when I tried to take stock of the day.

I now write list after list after list to try and prioritise what I have to do. I've also got weight to lose and like you, i'm involving the whole family.

We are all here to help each other so let us know how you get on
xx

KarleyMarie

Didn't want to read & run but you've come to the right place..

Moneywise - if you post a SOA people can give advice on cutting down so you can hopefully pay off your debts quicker

Weightwise - have you got somebody you could lose weight with? would you be confident enough to go to somewhere like weightwatchers?

Healthwise - regarding depression, I hope you have or will see your GP, its a very serious and by addressing this problem you may find it has a knock on effect with everything else

xx

zippychick

Hi

Sorry to hear you are so down. I hope things pick up for you soon.

As this isn't Old Style related, I've moved this to the families board so you can get advice in there

Good luck x
Zip

Teenie_D

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of it a the moment. As other posters have said check out the debt free wannabe board, they are fantastic over there and give fabulous advise, I have learnt a lot (not enough though still in debt but getting there!)

Take one step at a time. A year 1/2 ago I had depression and was the heaviest I had ever been. The docs advise to me was to not even think about losing weight until we concentrated on the depression. I did this and when I felt up to it took steps to start losing the weight (I still have a lot to lose but I'll get there eventually!).

You mentioned your drinking. Personally I find that if I drink too much (which is once in a blue moon), those feelings of depression starts to come back the day after.

You sound like a fab Mum who has looked after her 'babies' but now its time to look after yourself, but like I said just take small steps.

There will be other posters who will be along to give you better advise I'm sure but all the very best and take care x