Prodigal Father - the next chapter

hollyh

I agree with what everyone else is saying, cut im out of your life. You'll be much happier without that poor excuse for a Father weighing you down. He sounds like a complete twit.

BitterAndTwisted

GotToChange I think you realise by now that your father's attention on you is absolutely and completely conditional. Not negotiable whatsoever. Under the circumstances I don't think you should be thinking about this relationship where the future is concerned. I believe that the cost to you will be much too high. He appears to be a father in name only and doesn't seem to have acted like one in the conventional sense for a very long time, if ever. For your own sanity I think you should cease all contact, as hard as that is to accept

Errata

Sounds like papa is very deeply in love with himself and the OP will never match that level of idolatory.

GotToChange

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

GotToChange I think you realise by now that your father's attention on you is absolutely and completely conditional. Not negotiable whatsoever. Under the circumstances I don't think you should be thinking about this relationship where the future is concerned. I believe that the cost to you will be much too high. He appears to be a father in name only and doesn't seem to have acted like one in the conventional sense for a very long time, if ever. For your own sanity I think you should cease all contact, as hard as that is to accept

B&T - I think ^ is almost what he would say himself, if he dare...

The sanity point is quite relevant actually; I actually feel today worse than I ever felt when we weren't in touch (wailing all overthe keyboard when I read these messages...). But I do keep blaming myself - and wondering what I should/could do to have him be something like a Father.

He does not like the fact that my life is and therefore I am a sad and sorry mess. It felt realy good to meet him - I WAS a sparkly happy person for a few hours - but the truth of my life is not something he wants to hear about. I'm not saying that he should but he keeps hinting that things could be better... but that is in some dim and distant future that, the way I feel at the moment, I won't see.

GotToChange

Errata wrote: »

Sounds like papa is very deeply in love with himself and the OP will never match that level of idolatory.

And yet, in the midst of this, that made me laugh out loud.
And is very true.
(Although a tiny part of me does idolise him.






Then I talk to him....)

Make-it-3

Was going to respond but actually Seabright and mpet have pretty succinctly said it all. There's no need to maintain this relationship if it causes you pain or anguish.

Loopy_Girl

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Does he enrich your life, make you feel like you are the most important person in the world, make you laugh? And probably many many other things...

If a person that was not your Father was treating you in this way, would you keep them as a friend? Of course you would not and it's no different in this situation - just because you have his DNA doesn't mean you have to put up with a whole heap of crap from him (apologies in advance btw - I have only read this thread and not your other).

He doesn't rate you as a daughter, a book critique or even a person and what kind of man doesn't want anything to do with their Grandchild? If nothing else then my last remark should give you the confidence to do what you know you need to do.

He's a control freak and has no space for you in his life so you should make sure you have no space for him in yours.

Life is short, very very short, and you need to fill it with people who love and respect you and not people who take advantage of you and who, playing the family card, think they can say and do what they want without any consequences.

BitterAndTwisted

GotToChange wrote: »

B&T - I think ^ is almost what he would say himself, if he dare...

Angel, from what you've posted about this relationship before I KNOW that is what he would say himself. I believe he's made that patently obvious.

But I do keep blaming myself - and wondering what I should/could do to have him be something like a Father. This is the crux of the problem as far as I can see. I suspect that you will never be able to have the father you deserve. He's just not capable or worthy of it and that's not a problem of your making.

He does not like the fact that my life is and therefore I am a sad and sorry mess. It felt really good to meet him - I WAS a sparkly happy person for a few hours - but the truth of my life is not something he wants to hear about. I have a father who is very similar in this respect. It isn't a good and healthy place to be.

I'm not saying that he should but he keeps hinting that things could be better... but that is in some dim and distant future that, the way I feel at the moment, I won't see.

He keeps hinting because he is manipulating you. It appears that he can only have a relationship with you under certain conditions. Conditions which he is in complete control of. Think very, very carefully about how or why you would want to be continually controlled in this way.

Forgive me for being so very blunt but I think this is a very unhealthy relationship and you should protect yourself from this man's poison by any means possible.

mpet

GotToChange wrote: »

But I do keep blaming myself - and wondering what I should/could do to have him be something like a Father.

You can't make your father into the father you want or need (if that makes sense). He seems a shallow self centered individual. You shouldn't waste your tears or time in trying to make change yourself or make him like you more - his loss.

Put him firimly in the past and move on with your life. We all have problems and bad times, but you would probably be better sharing your woes with a good friend or other family member.

balletshoes

GotToChange wrote: »

he is so smug and arrogant that I don't know if I can see any point; it is so toxic. There is only so much that DNA can hold together and I think I am failing again.

How do I get out of this and (much as I hate the expression) move ON?

OP sorry I haven't read anything you've posted before on this issue - but I read your first post on this thread, and I have to say - I just wouldn't be the one to initiate any more contact with him.
I know he's your dad and all, but from what you've written here, he just sounds like a self-centred egotistical a**se, who can't see past the end of his own nose. As he is the "prodigal dad" I'm guessing he hasn't been in your life very much, so you know you can cope fine without him in it now.

Stop stressing about trying to be someone you're clearly not just for your Dad's approval - from what you've posted, I just don't think you'll ever get that, no matter how much you pretend to be what he wants you to be.