Birthday presents/cards not received - do you still send?

lilian1977

Hi

This year I haven't received birthday cards or gifts from a few of my friends, people who don't live near me. I also haven't received texts or Facebook messages from them, making me think they just haven't remembered, which is fine.

My question is, would you still send them a gift/card for their next birthday? I know that sounds really harsh and like I just give to recieve, which I really don't - this year I spent some of my birthday voucher from my brother on a Birthday Card organiser as I always plan gifts and cards way in advance and like to make sure people get what I've got them on their special day.

However, I'm now pregnant and next year will be on maternity leave so money is currently a bit tighter than it was. Usually I wouldn't care about not receiving anything, but due to the money situation I wonder whether I'm being too generous...

God, I hate even asking this question. It makes me sound awful

So. Insult away - I'm just interested to know! Should I still send a card? Just a present? Just a text? Nothing?

**confuzzled**

I've had the same problem in the past. What I've done ,and nothing has ever been said, is if they miss mine then they get reduced to a card for the 1st year and if they miss it again the next year they get sweet FA..I don't have the time/money to be going buying/making people presents that aren't going to be appreciated..I don't even get Thank You's:mad:..I know I'm only 26 and sound like a right old biddy but I was always brought up to say thanks, whether thats through a card or a phonecall..its common courtesy:mad:

Hope that helps anyway:) and sorry for the mini-rant:o

ailuro2

I agree with confuzzled, if there is no apology for a forgotten birthday then they drop to just a card, then to nothing...

maybe they are a bit tight for cash too and are too embarassed to admit it...?

lilian1977

Well I did wonder that - I honestly don't mind not receiving anything, but it was the fact I didn't get texts or FB messages from them - meaning they forgot. Maybe I'm just much more organised than my friends!

OrkneyStar

I thought adults stopped worrying about that sort of thing ? I only give and receive birthday cards/presents from close family these days.

iris

What would you do if the people who forgot your birthday were your grandchildren? I always send them a card and money, but never even get a 'thank you' let alone they remember my birthday. The youngest is 16 and the eldest is 24. Three of them don't live at home. They don't even send me a Christmas card.

My husband says 'don't bother', but the OP's question has made me think.

Kazz81

iris wrote: »

What would you do if the people who forgot your birthday were your grandchildren? I always send them a card and money, but never even get a 'thank you' let alone they remember my birthday. The youngest is 16 and the eldest is 24. Three of them don't live at home. They don't even send me a Christmas card.

My husband says 'don't bother', but the OP's question has made me think.

I would treat them the way they treat me!

Friends are different to family, if my friends forget its no big deal, but close family forgetting is all out war!

fiscalfreckles

I'd go along with sending just a card in future & dropping that if still nothing next time. It does seem to be a dying tradition though to send anything at all. I am one of those people that willl send a card for almost any occasion. I like choosing them & think its a nice gesture. But my teenage daughters quite often don't bother with cards for friends these days, its old fashioned & not cool! They would take a card & gift if going to a party, but a few years ago they always took cards to school for people's bithdays & now they just don't bother.

I think its a shame though. You can't put texts & FB messages up around the house, can you?!

lilian1977

OrkneyStar wrote: »

I thought adults stopped worrying about that sort of thing ? I only give and receive birthday cards/presents from close family these days.

iris wrote: »

What would you do if the people who forgot your birthday were your grandchildren? I always send them a card and money, but never even get a 'thank you' let alone they remember my birthday. The youngest is 16 and the eldest is 24. Three of them don't live at home. They don't even send me a Christmas card.

My husband says 'don't bother', but the OP's question has made me think.

Answering both comments together as they're kind of about a similar thing. My close friends and I have always given each other gifts, there's never been a "well we're adults now so let's stop" thought in our heads - saying that, I'm 33 but many of my friends are still in their 20s. I wonder whether it's something girls continue to do but boys don't? As I know my OH doesn't get cards/presents for/from anyone except family and me.

As for the grandchildren question - it's an interesting one. I stopped receiving money from my aunties (grandparents have all sadly passed away) I think when I left home, I still get a card sometimes from the ones my parents are really close to, but to be honest I'm not that close to them. However, as I get older I'm starting to realise the importance of sending thank you cards and letters, and also birthday/christmas cards - especially to older relatives. I don't send thank you cards to friends but will send a text or a Facebook message to thank them if I haven't seen them in person.

I think it's definitely a generational thing - as I get older it will probably become more normal to just email or text your thanks due to technology and eco-awareness, and the younger generation will probably do that too. As for the generation below that - who knows what technology will change!

lilian1977

fiscalfreckles wrote: »

I'd go along with sending just a card in future & dropping that if still nothing next time. It does seem to be a dying tradition though to send anything at all. I am one of those people that willl send a card for almost any occasion. I like choosing them & think its a nice gesture. But my teenage daughters quite often don't bother with cards for friends these days, its old fashioned & not cool! They would take a card & gift if going to a party, but a few years ago they always took cards to school for people's bithdays & now they just don't bother.

I think its a shame though. You can't put texts & FB messages up around the house, can you?!

Yep, a similar thought to what I was typing as you were! It is sad I suppose - but in a way it's similar to the difference between sending a long letter in the 'olden days' to making a phone call. Or the difference between making a phone call and sending a text. The way in which we communicate is ever changing due to changing technologies and I guess that will continue.

There's still nothing nicer than coming home and seeing a pile of pretty envelopes on your doormat with your name on though

**confuzzled**

iris wrote: »

What would you do if the people who forgot your birthday were your grandchildren? I always send them a card and money, but never even get a 'thank you' let alone they remember my birthday. The youngest is 16 and the eldest is 24. Three of them don't live at home. They don't even send me a Christmas card.

My husband says 'don't bother', but the OP's question has made me think.

sorry but I agree with your husband....they're all old enough to know better! My grandparents cut me out after my 21st although in their defence they did explain why, with 10 grandkids it can get expensive and as me & my siblings are the oldest we could understand it better than the 5yr olds;):)