MIL from Hell - Advice about how to stop her Interfering???

missknixon

I'll swap MiL's from hell? You can have mine with pleasure!

Hope she isn't like mine who can't take no for an answer! Damn woman!

babelfish

ailuro2 wrote: »

Give her a job to do, and make it a complex one - learning calligraphy to do the place namecards, make it clear you value her help as neither of you are capable of doing this, but make it absolutely clear this is her job and to concentrate fully on it she won't be allowed to 'help' with anything else.

Let her know that her money is only going to be taken without strings, and have a file already on the pc ready to print out with everyone's names on it for if she goes in a huff at the last minute.;)

That way she has a job, and something to boast about on the day that she might think is important but you know isn't really.

We've already tried that. I told my daughter to think of what aspect of the wedding she wasn't that bothered about herself (ie. the men's suits) and ask Jane to do it. She has done this and also given her a couple of other jobs to do too but it hasn't worked. Every time we see her she goes on and on about the dress, the flowers, the wedding car and "wouldn't it be good if we decorated the venue this way, that way" and "I know someone who does photos/cake/cars - I'll get them to give you a quote". My daughter wants to do all this herself for goodness sake!!!!

shellsuit

missknixon wrote: »

I found out yesterday that the MiL has invited about 20 people to the wedding (all day) I saw some of their friends in town and they said we are looking forward to the wedding - we haven't seen them for 4 years! I walked off steaming! Straight on the phone - she didn't even deny it! I told her she will have to un-invite them as I am at my fire regulations limit! She went and bought and filled out invitations for them! Have a list of guests which will be going to the venue and no-one else gets in! Very mad! I left her in tears! Haven't told the OH there relationship is strained enough with her day to day interference! Will tell him when I get back from the weeked camp with the Brownies!

Oh. My. God. :eek:

That is sooo out of order that I don't know where to begin!

How dare she! I'm lost for words and that's not like me!

gandy

babelfish wrote: »

We've already tried that. I told my daughter to think of what aspect of the wedding she wasn't that bothered about herself (ie. the men's suits) and ask Jane to do it. She has done this and also given her a couple of other jobs to do too but it hasn't worked. Every time we see her she goes on and on about the dress, the flowers, the wedding car and "wouldn't it be good if we decorated the venue this way, that way" and "I know someone who does photos/cake/cars - I'll get them to give you a quote". My daughter wants to do all this herself for goodness sake!!!!

if your son in law to be doesn't man up and tell his mum to butt out i'd get your daughter to sit her down and say that as it's her wedding she is going organise her wedding day they way she wants it and at this rate if she continues going ahead and butting in then they'll elope.

if son in law has a problem with that then tough he should of had the balls to stand up to his mother!

missknixon

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh. My. God. :eek:

That is sooo out of order that I don't know where to begin!

How dare she! I'm lost for words and that's not like me!

She is out of order! Just had a rant about her to the OH - he is pretty irate now and I'm away for the weekend! Oops!

If giving her a job doesn't work maybe threaten to shut her out completely? It sounds harsh but mine is starting to ruin things now - she went looking for my dress when they called round when I was out last week! Glad I had hidden it!

Who was it mentioned contract killers......

Lil_Dee_2

I had something similar happen to me. I am very lucky, in that my in-laws offered to pay for the wedding (I am cut-off from my father due to family politics, and I lost my mother a few years ago)

We were very grateful (obviously) and even more so when they said that it was our wedding, so we just go ahead with it all, and ask for a cheque as and when necessary.

Well, it didn't take long for the rot to set in....we were out for a meal with our siblings, and the discussions were very much about the wedding - which was fine, as it was the night I asked my step-brother to give me away:D. However, after the event, DH gets a phone call from his mum, asking about the guest list and who was on it.

It transpired that they asked his sisters to do some digging on our evening out, and find out how many guests we were inviting to the day/evening, and anything else that they could.....:mad:

To cut a long story short, DH went to talk to his parents, and came home having told them that we'll just cancel it as this was not what they had originally promised.

I think the fact that he stuck to his guns (we were not being excessive, or spending huge amounts of money, the eventual cost was quite conservative in comparison to todays average wedding costs) and told them that we will happily cancel caused them to reconsider their actions.

Sticking up for us (not just himself) made them realise that we were not going to let them rule our day. I do feel that your H2B is going to have to take control, and explain in no uncertain terms, that the £2k is not required to make the day a success. If the £2k is going to be used to blackmail you both then simply refuse it - it's just not worth it.

You never know, she may realise what she's doing, like my in-laws did, and everything starts to smooth out.

Godd luck ! LD

sunshine_shell

just get on with it and book stuff without her... she doesn't have to know and if she asked or comments then all they ahev to say is 'we haven't thought about that' or is the 2k really needed?

usedandabused

the wedding prep is nothing to do with the MIL-tell her to stick her £2k, how dare she try muscle in on the act.

i have found me and my neice, even though im a man have bonded over the wedding prep, her mum died when she was a baby and my brother, her dad is a !!!!!!!

i know when my sister got married my mother and her became really close, and its a great way to bond before the said bride becomes Mrs someone else's property-thats a joke btw


i hate these cheque book MIL's to be who think just because they are contributing their can dicate what happens, i bet said MIL would never let her own daughter be bossed about by her MIL to be.

tell the !!!!! to back off

shellsuit

usedandabused wrote: »

the wedding prep is nothing to do with the MIL-tell her to stick her £2k, how dare she try muscle in on the act.

i have found me and my neice, even though im a man have bonded over the wedding prep, her mum died when she was a baby and my brother, her dad is a !!!!!!!

i know when my sister got married my mother and her became really close, and its a great way to bond before the said bride becomes Mrs someone else's property-thats a joke btw


i hate these cheque book MIL's to be who think just because they are contributing their can dicate what happens, i bet said MIL would never let her own daughter be bossed about by her MIL to be.

tell the !!!!! to back off

Oh isn't that lovely of you to get involved with your neices wedding, I thought you were a woman sorry!!

How lucky is she to have a fab Uncle like you! :T

If you need any help or advice for the wedding, don't forget to give one of us a shout! xx

usedandabused

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh isn't that lovely of you to get involved with your neices wedding, I thought you were a woman sorry!!

How lucky is she to have a fab Uncle like you! :T

If you need any help or advice for the wedding, don't forget to give one of us a shout! xx

thanks Shell

all the poster on this section have been so helpful, we are going shopping tomorrow around london charity shops for a dress, i'm looking forward to it