MIL from Hell - Advice about how to stop her Interfering???

blakey2b

If i was your daughter i'd tell her fianc! that if he really wanted her to be his wife the one thing she would ask of him is to remind his mother that she has had her turn planning her daughters wedding, whilst her comments are appreciated and taken on board, this wedding is going to be planned with or without her help. Whilst your daughter wants to be part of her new family, will Jane stop at organising her wedding? or will it continue into the future, when they have kids, buy a new house, when does the interfering stop? I think perhaps you should play the scary mil and tell you sil2b that your daughter is getting terribly upset and you wont have it? Perhaps the thought of his new bride getting so worked up about it may give him that kick up the backside to tell his mummy dear to butt out?

Either way i hope it all works out for your daughter x

sunshine_shell

He needs to 'man' up and tell her that your daughter is sorting it not her

Good luck!! xx

babelfish

blakey2b wrote: »

Whilst your daughter wants to be part of her new family, will Jane stop at organising her wedding? or will it continue into the future, when they have kids, buy a new house, when does the interfering stop?

The interfering defnitely won't stop unless someone says something to her (ie her son!). She has already told my daughter what is going to happen when she has kids! I said to my daughter, "well, we'll see about that!"

ailuro2

Give her a job to do, and make it a complex one - learning calligraphy to do the place namecards, make it clear you value her help as neither of you are capable of doing this, but make it absolutely clear this is her job and to concentrate fully on it she won't be allowed to 'help' with anything else.

Let her know that her money is only going to be taken without strings, and have a file already on the pc ready to print out with everyone's names on it for if she goes in a huff at the last minute.;)

That way she has a job, and something to boast about on the day that she might think is important but you know isn't really.

Lexxi

She sounds like the kind of person that will brag about her input whether she has any input or none at all!!

I thought MIL2b would want some input as she has two sons but she isn't all that bothered but we are keeping them in the loop, she saw the venue brochure and the sample menu etc. I'm lucky that no one wants to interfere too much although I think some are itching to I'm just too far away but I'm the first to get married for a long time in our family too.

One contributor to the boards wrote to a family member explaining that they weren't happy with some of the input they were receiving and were thinking of cancelling, could your daughter and son in law do something like this together? They showing a united front and can get their point across without Jane's sulking, pouting and protesting whilst they stmble over what they want to get across to her

mellymeep

I can only offer the same advice others have, its definitely down to the son to speak to his mother.

I can sympathise 100% though, because I've been through this for the past 8 months of our wedding planning as well. MIL saw fit to invite all of OHs cousins to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, when we had decided we were just going to have immediate family and keep it small and intimate, so with 4 weeks to go I had to have frank discussions with my OH about manning up and speaking to his mother (who has incidentally always had him under her thumb) he wouldn't do it so I had to, I managed to pacify her by letting her organise the evening reception, they were contributing towards the buffet food anyway, and I'll be too busy having a good time with all of my friends to notice any fine details I would of picked had I had full reign.

blakey2b

This is why we're doing it abroad, mil would invite the world and its wife. This is my way of saying "ha!" to her! If they want to come fine, but they pay for flights, hotel and dinner. It feels good to be incharge of your own day!

missknixon

I found out yesterday that the MiL has invited about 20 people to the wedding (all day) I saw some of their friends in town and they said we are looking forward to the wedding - we haven't seen them for 4 years! I walked off steaming! Straight on the phone - she didn't even deny it! I told her she will have to un-invite them as I am at my fire regulations limit! She went and bought and filled out invitations for them! Have a list of guests which will be going to the venue and no-one else gets in! Very mad! I left her in tears! Haven't told the OH there relationship is strained enough with her day to day interference! Will tell him when I get back from the weeked camp with the Brownies!

Sunshine12

Sounds like she trying to use the £2k "gift" as a carrot so she can get complete say in everything. I would tell her I didnt want her money if she was being like that about it. The bride and groom having the final say is much more important than a cheque.

deb13b

What concerns me is the fact that if your daughers h2b hasn't stood upto his mum yet, he never will. Over anything. When it comes to blokes that don't stand upto their mums, I've been there done that bought the tshirt. They never change.