MIL from Hell - Advice about how to stop her Interfering???

poppyscorner

Have to say I love the two options post lol

Seriously though my ex MIL was very like this woman and she never got any better when we had children together it got even worse !! I remember when DS2 was born he was NOT her grandchild coz his ears were too big and he looked like a pixie !! her words !!!!!! then she said that she couldn't believe I hadn't cleaned my windows before having him and my house was dirty ( it wasn't there were rainmarks on the windows) believe it or not I didn't order her out of the house at that point.

exH refused to say anything to her about the way she behaved so I took to avoiding her until she came to my house one day and told me that a holiday we had booked to go on she would be joining us and so would her drinking buddies (one of which sexually assaulted me many years before) I hit the roof she told me I was pathetic I told her to get out we never spoke again and I wish i'd said what I thought years earlier.

I agree with other posters the son should be the one to say something however whilst I know your daughter probably doesn't want to say anything don't allow her to be pushed around my mum couldn't believe how much crap I took from my exMIL if it had been her saying those things I would have told her from the outset that she was in the wrong I was just too soft and it lead to years of holding my tongue and waiting for her son to challenge her which never happenned before I lost it and I never regretted telling her what I thought.

The money thing also sounds very much like her do it my way or you get nothing I would say well thanks for the offer but my parents have it covered !! I can bet she'll be falling over herself to give the money over.

Wow that was a bit of a rant lol sorry got a bit carried away

Thankfully things are completely different this time I love my in laws to be they are lovely lovely people

Good luck with it all OP
xx

Snowy_Owl

Remind the happy couple,all they need are the celebrant and two witnesses. Then tell "Jane" that. Everything else is extra. You don't need her 2 grand. Their sanioty (and yours ) is worth well more than that.

Snowy

missknixon

We planned before telling the monster in law 2b! She was told everything is already in order - well it nearly is now! She came to visit H2B on wed when i was out! I think s he was hoping to catch a glimpse of the dress! x

frannyann

mimosaurus wrote: »

to be honest, i think it's your son-in-law to be's responsibility to make it clear to her immediately that she's not the one in control. if it's anyone other than him, she won't get the picture that it's really not ok - although even if it is him i'm sure she will blame others (you and your daughter no doubt!)

i think it's really important that they make their stand now right now - letting her get away with it doesn't stand them in good stead for their marriage and the way she expects to be able to control their lives.

but can i also say, that having been part of horrible uncomfortable family arguments like this, i think it's really important that you try not to bring it up or to really vent when your daughter brings it up, she needs to find a place within her new family as well as staying a part of yours.

hope it all works out!!! xxx

I soooo agree with this, my ex hubby and I made the mistake of not standing up to the FIL and it caused disaster! He even managed to hijack the birth of our child by insisting I have the baby before his daughter finished her holiday (very long story!!) and he got his own way by threating first to stop paying for the reception, then by threatening to 'disown' ex hubby! We are now divorced, you can work it out! I had married my husband NOT his father, but god it felt like I had married them both at times!!

minerva_windsong

I agree with everyone who said it's her son's job to tell her - she might just be ignoring you and your daughter because, in her eyes, you're not 'family' or you're 'outsiders'. Is he her only son, or her youngest child? If so I wonder if that's why she wants lots of say, because she doesn't want to 'lose' him to your daughter and thinks this is a way of keeping hold of her baby boy for as long as possible. It sounds a bit silly written down like that but some people do think like that.

That said though there is a large part of me that would be inclined to arrange it so they wouldn't need the £2k from her and tell her where to go, but I understand why you don't want to do that (and to be honest I think I'd do the same because I hate conflict). On the other hand, I do think it's important your daughter is firm but polite to her now, or it could only get worse once the grandchildren come along.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Can I just add my experience to the 'pot'?

When OH & I got engaged on holiday two years ago, when we got back MIL2B sat us down and presented us with her wedding folder. She told us that if we wanted a decent venue we needed to book straight away and they'd made some enquiries with the neighbours(!) as to which weddings they'd been to were the most memorable and had got quotes from the venues. There was a stack of about 5 brochures, but they only showed me one. They pointed at the cost and said that they were prepared to underwrite the cost of the reception.

I went away from this feeling slightly shellshocked, ambushed and deflated. My MIL2B had a wedding folder before I did! I did some searching of my own and found a venue that I loved. I worked up the figures and the reception was costing half of what their venue would have come out at. MIL2B cried. Not tears of joy - oh no! Disappointment.

My parents felt like their noses had been put out of joint too. They hadn't had the opportunity to put their offer to us first and had their thunder stolen.

BUT... I got my venue. OH saw how upset I was getting that his parents were taking over. He suggested that the wedding planning go on hold while we work out what we wanted. He said to his parents that if they wanted to help financially, it would be a great help if they could help with the deposit for a house.

Incidentally, my parents are paying for 60% of our wedding but are not demanding any say whatsoever. They have been 100% supportive whereas OH's parents have found fault with most of our decisions. He is one of two children; both boys. MIL2B desparately wanted a girl, so I think she's missing the wedding planning.

Jemster

To be honest, its both of our dad's causing problems!
Our plan is to stick with what we've decided and not let them force us into changing our plans..... and more importantly both stick together in front of them! Show no weakness, lol:D

OH's dad is re-married and expects one of his step daughters, her boyfriend and 4 kids to be invited even though she hasn't spoken to OH in 5 years and hasn't even made an effort to meet me! the step-mum just acts thick and says oh X is just bringing the girls, to which i responded yes, they are invited to the reception, her response was no, they're coming all day, my reponse was we'll see....that was at xmas and the invites have just gone out this week, so we're waiting for the phone call......During the same visit OH's dad gave us a lecture on when to have kids and how to bring them up and remember when disclipining (sp?) them that no, means no. So we're taking his advice no the step-sister and family are not coming to ceremony and that means no!

sorry, i went off track then, lol....your daughter and OH need to stick together on any decisions and neither one back down in front of the Mil2b or she'll think as long as she persuades her son, she can have free reign....

hope she backs off

babelfish

Jemster wrote: »

sorry, i went off track then, lol....your daughter and OH need to stick together on any decisions and neither one back down in front of the Mil2b or she'll think as long as she persuades her son, she can have free reign....

hope she backs off

This is the trouble. Daughter's OH has spent his life trying not to upset Jane and I get the feeling he would rather let her organise the whole thing rather than risk upsetting her. He just won't change the way he deals with her and this is just going to cause more trouble.

She's now actually bought decoration things for the wedding that my daughter doesn't want.:mad:

How do you deal with someone who won't listen, who lives in their own little world where everyone does what she says and someone who thinks she is right and everyone else is wrong all the time?:mad:

Timmne

Jemster wrote: »

the step-mum just acts thick and says oh X is just bringing the girls, to which i responded yes, they are invited to the reception, her response was no, they're coming all day, my reponse was we'll see....

Ha! We had this - just told the venue that if anyone's without a seat at the meal (i.e. turns up uninvited) then they should be offered a place in the restaurant next door and their bill won't be going on our tab!

[Deleted User]

From the blokes perspective: Sounds like its time for Jane's 'little boy' to man up and tell his mum to keep her nose out of thing. If he doesn't confront her now, it will cause further marital strife in the future.

It's your daughters day, not Jane's