Going home

Pixiechic

Hi,

If these kinds of things are holding you back in life then seeing the Doctor could be a good move.

I think everyone suffers anxiety towards something to a certain extent but when it starts to take over your life then it needs sorting.

You are not alone in how you feel and being honest about it rather than making excuses will allow people to understand. You make the excuse though because your'e probably embarrassed when you have no need to be.

We all have to push ourselves to do things at times but try to do them all the same. It's great that you can see that this is an issue for you which makes it more likely that you can change it.

Good luck

Tish_P

All the best of luck in facing your fears Crisp. It might help to have a talk with someone, maybe a counsellor as the other posters suggest, or a friend you can trust not to get judgemental. Talk about why you are anxious and how you can get out of the trap of being too scared to try anything (and perhaps getting even more scared because you've been avoiding scary things for so long).

I don't agree with anyone who's calling you selfish and immature. You're anxious and grieving and those are mental states anyone can fall into, not unpleasant personality traits. And you can get out again with time and patience and help.

(I've got anxious about lots of tasks in the past - particularly anything involving filling in lots of forms - but for some reason travel has never set off any anxiety in me. I love long train journeys! When else do you have the time to read a book or knit a sock all in one go?)

heretolearn_2

It sounds like quite a serious problem you have - but I'm sure you can get help for it. It's no good for you or for your friends/family/OH if someone has to hold your hand through life. Well done on thinking about this and realising you need to go to the doctor. Anxiety issues just get worse and worse if nothing is done about them.

If your mother is the same, you need to think hard about whether this really is your problem or hers, and it was just a 'learned behaviour' you picked up as a child. My mum is quite shy and as I was the baby of the family, she encouraged me to be very shy and clingy with her because she basically didn't want to give up that stage of life with little kids. She didn't mean to harm me, but I did 'learn' to be shy and quiet and terrified of new people/things. As I grew older I realised it was her problem I was inheriting and just told myself to get over myself, and changed. (P.S my mum is lovely and I don't blame her for it).

loulou123

I have had similar issues about travelling on my own (although i can pinpoint why my "issues" started after an incident when i was alone) and by avoiding the train journey you are making yourself believe it is a bigger deal then it is - once you have been and returned you will be so proud of yourself : ) and the next time it wont seem so daunting. Maybe you could agree to call your husband or a friend once a hour whilst on the train just for a quick chat and that way you wont feel so alone?

I think going to see a GP is a good idea, or i would imagine this may get worse, to the point where you wont leave the house without someone with you (i very nearly got to that point, but thanks to the support of friends and family and a brilliant counseller i'm now getting better.) Good luck.

tiff

Depending on your mother's age, she may need more practical help with day to day things like doing the garden, cleaning, shopping etc. Who is doing this stuff at the moment? Could you not visit her once a month or once every two months to help. My Mum is 61 and my step dad has termincal cancer. I know she is worried about the things she might not be able to manage after my Step Dad has gone, he is worried about leaving her on her own and she is worried about how she will cope.

I think you need to go, and then make it a regular trip with or without your husband.

emg

When my dad died very suddenly, I began worrying about everything a lot. I would drive places and worry about crashing and being killed, I was scared to take any passengers. If I phoned my mum and she didnt answer I would worry she had fallen down the stairs (once i even drove there at midnight because she hadnt answered her phone all evening - I was in a right state, she had been out having a lovely time!).

I also struggled with going to the house as thats where all my memories of my dad were and it was hard to go in the front door and not imagine him sitting there in his chair or coming to check my car over as I arrived. I made myself go because I thought if I dont and something happens to mum I will never get over it. I know that's morbid but it got me there and the more I went, the easier it got. To be honest I sometimes get upset when I am there but no more often than i do in my own home, or in tescos when I see the perfect cake for him or when I'm watching telly and his favourite show comes on. I've learnt that the sadness will always linger around and I can try avoiding it for a bit but it'll catch up with me.

It sounds like you have some other issues going on but please, if you possibly can, go and see your mum.

mackemdave

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. But. Your Dad died 6 months ago and you've not seen your Mum since, despite only living a 3 hour train ride away? Get on that train and go see your Mum, lady!

I honestly don't see what your problem is. Get a book, pack a picnic and go.

Agree with above....your Dad died 6mths ago and this is the first time youve seen your Mum since then...and just a 3hr train journey away AND your are away on your Mums first birthday since she lost her husband....SELFISH VERY VERY SELFISH!!!!!!!!! if you ask me

belfastgirl23

It's very easy to judge someone if you've never suffered from anxiety. The OP to me is clearly suffering from some kind of anxiety problem and making this journey is one of her 'trigger' situations. She's trying her best to face up to it. I don't think calling her names is helpful at all.

If you don't understand, believe me you're lucky. I remember what it was like when I was in the full grip of this and it's not at all nice.

Brighton_belle

I can only echo Belfastgirls sensitive post and emg's and a few others.
Name calling is cruel - the OP clearly has some big anxiety issues and is tentatively reaching out for help here.
I haven't experienced what she is going through myself, but it is hardly rocket science to read read how difficult this is for her, and learn from emg's post what it might be like to feel this level of fear and dread.

OP -there has been some great advice from some people here. I hope you are able to get the help you deserve and find the courage to keep working at over coming your anxiety. Your sense of achievement at each tiny step forward will be deservedly enormous.

Oldernotwiser

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

Thanks for the help everyone. I think I need to go see my doctor when I have come back form seeing my Mum this weekend. I think I may have a mental problem somewhere as I find it hard to do things alone. Even more so recently I am afraid to leave my husband incase something happens to him or me.

Have a nice weekend. Hope the sun shines.

Don't either of you work?