How to cope with friend's pregnancies

Liney_2

I have been where you are too so you are not alone. It took me 3 years and after fertilty treatment I fell only to give birth prematurely and have my baby girl only live for a few minutes. After that we tried for a year and needed treatment again - this time another premature birth (a happy ending however this time). My whole life for years has been a trauma - my heart broke time and time again when i saw babies - I was happy for my friends but like you say always wondered why me. I cried buckets and thinking about getting pregnant just consumed me. No matter what anyone says...esp. it will happen for you, just relax etc which drove me potty...nothing will change your train of thought. The only thing I can say is keep busy, try and enjoy your life as much as you can and get all the medical/alternative therapies you can get.

Good luck in your quest my heart really goes out to you x

Liney_2

katglasgow wrote:

I have just MC at 10 weeks, I am struggling to cope with everyone arround me falling pregnant or has a new born at the moment too and people seem to be constantly asking "arent you going to have another one". I promise never to ask someone that question you just never know what is really going on in someones life do you.
I am glad to hear about your good news JS and I wish lots of good luck to other the other ladies who are trying.
xxx

So sorry to hear your news. It is hard to cope after losing a baby ( lost mine at 26 weeks), be kind to yourself and get help/counselling if you need it. Its hard to make that step but sometimes you need support from others who have been where you are now. Sending you hope for the future

Js_Other_Half

Becles wrote:

I've just turned 31, but was 30 when I asked for help.

I. I was thinking about going back and seeing the other female GP (who I was booked in with but she was off sick that day!), or one of the male GP's who is very nice and understanding when it comes to "womens stuff".

Do - make the appointment when you get a chance next week. My GP is a father of 7 - he goes to work for a rest...lol.

carolwat

hi desperatemoneysaver

i know a lot of others have replied to your post but i feel i also should reply.

i know that when you are trying for a baby and nothing is happening it seems that everyone around you is pregnant or is puching a pram with a beautiful newborn. you spend you time wondering when it will be your turn and feeling guilty for wishing it was you that was annoucing your pregnancy and not your friends. you then feel guilty for even tihnking that in the first place. it seems like its never going to happen. it the most important thing in the world. being young and having 'time on your side' doesnt help the way feel and i remember thinking how mad that made me when people said that. people try to say things that they think will help but without realising they are actually hurting you inside but we keep quiet because its easier than letting them know how we really feel. people will have no idea how you feel unless they have been through this painful time themselves. we tried to conceive for 6 years before we finally embarked on ivf. i wont lie and say it was easy, far from it. we tried and tried. we had 8 cycles if ivf all unsucessful and finally we wnt for our 9th which was the NHS on we had waited 7 years for. it worked, we were amazed. we waited impatiently ofr our first scan and we were amazed again by seeing twins. our joy was shortlived as when i was 18 weeks pregant my waters broke on one of the sacs. i was expected to go into labour and lose both my babies but i didnt. we hung on in there for another 10 weeks and at 28 weeks i gave birth to my 2 boys. sadly we lost one after 7 hours but spent as much time with him as we could and still think of him everyday. we have out little miracle with us now and he 2. he is our world. we recently tried again on a 10th cycle of ivf and we got pregnant again. i miscarried at 5.5weeks so we wont be doing it again. the pain both physically and emotional is too much. we have lost so much already and now we have concentrate on our future with our little boy we have with us. although it took us so much to get where we are today i wouldnt change it. we have been blessed and even now i am still in shoch that we finally got our dream. there were plenty of times we never thought we would. i like you wondered if i would ever hold my baby but determination and time got me there and i hope it does for you too. dont give up hoping, without hope we have nothing. one day you will meet the special baby that is waiting for you. i cant tell you when that will be, noone can. i can offer you a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with if you like, send me a private message is you want to. its up to you. im here if you want me to be, that goes for anyone else too. i can also recommend a website that i used to help run that got me through my worst and best times. im no longer on there now due to personal disagreement with the owners but there are people there that will help and you will realise you are not alone. https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk

i hope that by posting on here you understand that you are not alone and we are here to hold your hand along the way. im sending you lots of babydust.

take care
carol

Liney_2

carolwat wrote:

hi desperatemoneysaver

i know a lot of others have replied to your post but i feel i also should reply.

i know that when you are trying for a baby and nothing is happening it seems that everyone around you is pregnant or is puching a pram with a beautiful newborn. you spend you time wondering when it will be your turn and feeling guilty for wishing it was you that was annoucing your pregnancy and not your friends. you then feel guilty for even tihnking that in the first place. it seems like its never going to happen. it the most important thing in the world. being young and having 'time on your side' doesnt help the way feel and i remember thinking how mad that made me when people said that. people try to say things that they think will help but without realising they are actually hurting you inside but we keep quiet because its easier than letting them know how we really feel. people will have no idea how you feel unless they have been through this painful time themselves. we tried to conceive for 6 years before we finally embarked on ivf. i wont lie and say it was easy, far from it. we tried and tried. we had 8 cycles if ivf all unsucessful and finally we wnt for our 9th which was the NHS on we had waited 7 years for. it worked, we were amazed. we waited impatiently ofr our first scan and we were amazed again by seeing twins. our joy was shortlived as when i was 18 weeks pregant my waters broke on one of the sacs. i was expected to go into labour and lose both my babies but i didnt. we hung on in there for another 10 weeks and at 28 weeks i gave birth to my 2 boys. sadly we lost one after 7 hours but spent as much time with him as we could and still think of him everyday. we have out little miracle with us now and he 2. he is our world. we recently tried again on a 10th cycle of ivf and we got pregnant again. i miscarried at 5.5weeks so we wont be doing it again. the pain both physically and emotional is too much. we have lost so much already and now we have concentrate on our future with our little boy we have with us. although it took us so much to get where we are today i wouldnt change it. we have been blessed and even now i am still in shoch that we finally got our dream. there were plenty of times we never thought we would. i like you wondered if i would ever hold my baby but determination and time got me there and i hope it does for you too. dont give up hoping, without hope we have nothing. one day you will meet the special baby that is waiting for you. i cant tell you when that will be, noone can. i can offer you a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with if you like, send me a private message is you want to. its up to you. im here if you want me to be, that goes for anyone else too. i can also recommend a website that i used to help run that got me through my worst and best times. im no longer on there now due to personal disagreement with the owners but there are people there that will help and you will realise you are not alone. https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk

i hope that by posting on here you understand that you are not alone and we are here to hold your hand along the way. im sending you lots of babydust.

take care
carol

Carol, I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy, I lost my daughter so know how you must feel. Sending a ((HUG)) and hope they are playing together with the angels x

BlondieE

Keep your chin up. I also had fertility problems and for the first 7 years of marriage we watched all our friends go through their pregnancies successfully, it was a very difficult time. I have PCOS and every month was difficult for both myself and my husband. We eventually had our daughter in 2000 after IUI, which we were both delighted about. Thinking we would never have any more we had another little natural surprise 3 months ago when our second daughter was born - how wonderful.

Keep positive, eat a healthy diet, don't let it take over your life - very difficult I know - as it does. Wishing you both the best luck in the world.