How to cope with friend's pregnancies

desperatemoneysaver

Hi, I am a regular on here, but for this one i registered again as didnt want anyone to know who i was.

Basically, we have been trying for a baby for about a year now. Since then, four of my friends have become pregnant one after the other. Although i am really happy for them, I can not help but think "why not me?"

I am having some fertility problems. i havent got a regular cycle so it's difficult to find out when i am ovulation. i am being referred to the hospital for more tests, after having blood tests and examinations at the doctors.

We are in the process of getting hubby tested as well.

I am just feeling really down and depressed about it. although i am a young (26) i thought it would be straight forward when starting a family, how wrong i was! i always heard of people having problems but didnt think that i would be one of them. my hubby is 36.

just wanted to type this to get it off my chest.

thanks for "listening"

Savvy_Sue

Hugs.

I presume you've been given advice about how to work out when you are ovulating? Temperature changes, mucus etc?

fesdufun

It must be very hard seeing your friends fall pregnant when you are trying for a baby. My friend at work also had problems getting pregnant, she too was trying for about a year and found out she wasn't ovulating reguarly. When on the fertility colamid (sorry about the spelling) and now has a 3 month old baby girl! Works first time for her.

Try to stay positive and have lots of sex!

Have you shared your problems with anyone close other than your partner? Sometimes it helps if a close friend knows so they can support you.

Also concentrate on getting yourself and your partner in tip top condition. Lots of fruit and veg, folic acid, exercise etc rather than focusing on trying to get pregnant. A holiday can sometimes help as you tend to relax and things sometimes just happen naturally. If all else fails get a puppy - I know two friends had decided not to have anymore children and to get a puppy instead and suddenly they were pregnant again (only joking).

Good luck. Will be thinking of you both.

tee_pee_2

hiya

My heart goes out to you. I was told due to polycystic ovaries that I couldn't conceive. I wasn't unhealthy really or fat. ( size14)

Best mate got married and we joined a slimming class lost 1st. Ate more veg and startgin running ( have never run before even when doing other diets) and I got pregnant. I honestly think it was the exercise. PLus that bit if extra weight off I got into tip top conditon and it worked for me ( sadly now I am back at slimming club)

Don't get too disheartened stress can make it harder to conceive.


It will happen
xxxxx

fsdss

when you are trying for a baby, you become more aware of others around you who are succeding, such as a pregnant lady is usually self focused on Their pregnancy (as if they are the only person in the world to have conceived)

i remember whilst on my 2nd attempt of IVF, 7 of my mates became pregnant, and kept apologising to me which was hard. my neighbour (also pregnant) came round to my house weekly moaning about her pregnancy and prior to birth she very cruelly said to me "bet your glad your not pregnant now that you've seen the state of my swollen ankles!" it ate me up inside.

you can try TOO hard for a baby, and it will eventually take a toll on your relationship, as you are constantly thinking about conceiving and sex becomes a chore and not the enjoyable experience it should be.

take advice and take on a hobby such as watching your diet and exercising.
You WILL become a mum, however it happens as long as you stay focused and strong

little_miss_thrifty

I know how painful it is to have to wait for your turn whilst seeing everyone else get pregnant so easily...just keep telling yourself it WILL happen for you. My husband and i went through 4 years of tests before i finally fell pregnant with our son. i had to go through IUI and luckily it worked first time - all the injections and tablets were worth it but just try not to get too down. I had to go through the same treatment with our baby girl (took 18 months to get her).

It does seem as though the tests take SO long to go through (especially the basics - infections, blood, hormones etc) but at least they will be thorough and get you there in the end. Prepare yourself for a possible long wait, but just tell yourself it will be worth it all eventually.

xx

Becles

Just wanted to say you have my sympathies.

I was diagnosed with secondary infertility when I was with my ex. I had some tests done, but then he left so I never bothered going back for the rest.

I married again in April and my husband is desperate for a child of his own. However, we haven't managed to concieve yet. The GP said I can't start the tests again until we have been trying for a year.

So we just keep trying...........

Frugal_Fox

Hi OP,

I really, really feel for you. For the first 4 years of our married life we tried desparately to have a family. It didn't work. I had serious fertility issues caused by my endometriosis. The pain you feel when a close friend becomes pregnant is gut wrenching. You want to be happy for her - but at the same time you grieve for something you have not experienced.

People have no idea how a seemingly 'normal' question can turn your stomach... people who haven't seen you for a while ask 'Any kids yet?' If you say no they either assume your a child hater with the follow up question of 'Don't you want any?' or if you have a career they assume you are just single mindedly trying to be the big hot shot career woman and then 9/10 they offer the old chestnut - 'oh you don't want to leave it too long you know'...

I remember finding out for the first time when one of my friends was pregnant. I was in tears after the phone call - then I beat myself up over not being pleased for her. Devastatingly she lost the baby - and I felt even more guilt at not able to be more supportive of her. I have found it very hard to be close to my pregnant friends. It was my way of coping with it - but it was equally hard for them - they knew I was having problems and they felt very sensitive of me.

As for coping with it - I don't think there is a fool proof method, only the knowledge that you are not alone, and even if your friends do not appear to have any issues with their own fertility, I'm sure I'm not the only one on these boards who had. I say had as it is no longer an issue for me... I had a sub total hysterectomy at 31 - 2 years after we adopted two children. Whilst they were not born to me (and I still can't share in the baby talk - I've no idea what morning sickness is like or labour - and whilst some may think thats a blessing - I'd have liked the chance to experience it) they ARE my children. We chose them and we have made a family. There doesn't have to be a blood tie - and I got to avoid the sleepless nights and cracked nipples - and my boobs are not empty sacks from breast feeding! So there are positives to.

I'm not suggesting adoption for you - but it worked for me. I wouldn't say I rejoice when I find out a friend is pregnant - but time is a great healer. You must ensure you get tests done on yourself and your partner. You at the very least need to know and understand what your situation is, whats causing the infertility - and I don't go along with unexplained - just undiagnosed infertility. Only when you have the answers are you able to begin to come to terms with it, or seek a resolution to it.

What ever happens though - you are not alone. Sending you and your partner (cause he's just as important - and men suffer from these feelings too) wishes of luck and support.

FF
x

Ivrytwr3

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"








PS Not real advice; just wanted to bring a smile to your face and say hang in there!!

ailuro2

ok, since this is a money saving forum, I do have to mention that any children you have will be younger than your friends, so think of all the handed down clothes you will be given;)

I too have secondary infertility, poor cycle etc.

MY advice would be to follow the Gillian McKeith way of eating- I managed to fall pregnant after eating like that for a few months.I was also exercising at the time.
Sadly I had a missed miscarriage, but it's the only time in 7 years I had managed to conceive. I am thankful I have my dd though.

As to your friends, it's hard to see them so happy, but it's so hard to let them know anything's bothering you.
I'd say have a good cry in private and hope you have some nappy news really soon.
Charting temperatures,monitoring mucus etc. are all good ways to 'refine your efforts'

Js_Other_Half

Becles wrote:

. The GP said I can't start the tests again until we have been trying for a year.

So we just keep trying...........

May I ask how old you are? My GP told me to come back to him after TTC for 6 months. I would have another word with your GP if you are over 30.