Cheating?please help

mummyofboys

Thanks everyone for your input.. I have had a massive long talk with my boyfriend today and told him straight what I did. He wasnt annoyed, he said he was sorry and that the reason he responded as " will be soon, was becuase he didnt want to tell her the date/ details ect" I believe he loves me, I Just think he sometimes gets sucked into flirting online ect, abit of banter, he said that he was sorry about the always thinking of her comment and that he didnt think and just said it. He said he hasnt talked to her for years up untill this. Which I do believe. I told him how I felt, and I think i am being extra paranoid and upset because of the horrible things we have gone through with our son, and becuase to be honest I have " let myself go" abit since the birth. He said He loves me loads and that I am everything to him and not to be silly about letting myself go and that I havnt.

He is taking me out for a meal tonight, first time in ages as no babysitter, and he thinks we should start doing date nights together so we can be a couple aswell as mum and dad.

Thanks for all your advise , sorry if i didnt take some of it too weel. It was just a mess in my head.

Emma1988

Thats great news, and a good idea to spend time as a couple! Now, go and have a long bath and pamper yourself!

carolinejane_2

well I'm pleased it's all worked out:)

mummyofboys

paulwf wrote: »

Sorry, I understand you don't want to hear another side to the story and only want people to back up your assumptions. Therefore I will now amend my advice:

My new advice is that you are of course 100% right and he is having an affair with his ex. You must dump him straight away and take him for every penny he has.

Is that what you wanted me to say? If you trusted him you would have asked him if you could check his phone. As you don't trust him I think your relationship is over, even if he isn't having an affair you'll never be satisfied in your head that he isn't so it doesn't matter either way. Without trust a relationship is dead.

What a horrible, pressuming little man you are

gandy

great it worked out for you and i'm sure your happy to know that once things have been talked over they can sorted and your both making the effort of seeing each other as the person your going to marry rather than just the mum or dad of kids.

definitely keep the lines of communication open and talk stuff that upsets you over with your partner.

paulwf

jay_mi10 wrote: »

What a horrible, pressuming little man you are

How unable to detect sarcasm you are! Apologies if the tone of my post didn't come across well in writing. To recap: you asked for opinions and didn't like it when mine differed from yours. As usual it appears to be another "please support my view and I don't want to hear anything else" thread. So my reply was in a "here you go, is this what you want to hear..." tone.

I've noticed on the relationship forums that us men will never win. We're all innocent until proven guilty and whatever we say will be twisted against us

I think i am being extra paranoid and upset

That is what I said in my first post!

mummyofboys

no. i ASKED for advice and welcomed different opinions, the only one I have a problem with is yours. This is because everyone else is seeing both sides. YOU are writting as if I am some paranoid, bunny boiler cow. YES i looked through his phone , because I had a feeling from how his behaviour was. I didnt say If anything was happening I would leave and then take him for every penny he has got, I was simply asking for advice on where to go from here. I did not want to hear my boyf is cheating on me at all.

Dizzie77

jay_mi10 wrote: »

no. i ASKED for advice and welcomed different opinions, the only one I have a problem with is yours. This is because everyone else is seeing both sides. YOU are writting as if I am some paranoid, bunny boiler cow. YES i looked through his phone , because I had a feeling from how his behaviour was. I didnt say If anything was happening I would leave and then take him for every penny he has got, I was simply asking for advice on where to go from here. I did not want to hear my boyf is cheating on me at all.

Jay - I think it's probably best to leave this topic now - it's all worked out for the best - go and enjoy your date.

I think that emotions are running a little bit high, and it's very difficult to read text objectively when you have an emotional fog over you.

paulwf

jay_mi10 wrote: »

no. i ASKED for advice and welcomed different opinions, the only one I have a problem with is yours. This is because everyone else is seeing both sides. YOU are writting as if I am some paranoid, bunny boiler cow. YES i looked through his phone , because I had a feeling from how his behaviour was. I didnt say If anything was happening I would leave and then take him for every penny he has got, I was simply asking for advice on where to go from here. I did not want to hear my boyf is cheating on me at all.

I didn't say your boyfriend was cheating on you. As I explained before, I was being sarcastic and saying I will tell you whatever you want to hear if you don't want to hear my real opinion. If you don't want to hear he is cheating I will tell you whatever you want to hear...I have no opinion on whether or not he is actually cheating.

My original point seems to be backed up by your other posts. You two have clearly have had trust issues in the past. The less you trust him the more secretive he will become even if there is nothing to hide. By going into his pin protected phone, checking his messages, and then crying over a conversation that has nothing incriminating in it will just demonstrate to him that you trust him even less. Next time he'll probably get a cheap PAYG phone or a second Facebook profile if he wants to talk to anyone without you ending up in tears.

lindaatno9

About 8 weeks before my daughter was born and 3 months after we married, my hubby came home and told me a girl he'd had a brief fling with before we met had contacted him through work. She was an old school friend. Evidently she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him (understandably lol) and wanted to resume their relationship. She'd burst into tears when he told her he was happily married and was expecting a baby. However, he said he would always be a shoulder for her should she need it. (she was having some relationship issues)

He didn't offer this info to me straight away, he let it ride for a few days, wondering how he should tell me that a girl had been calling all the (our surname) in the phone book and trying to trace where he worked (he'd changed his job) She did a pretty good job over 6 months trying to track him. Eventually it paid off.

I really felt for this lass but my problem was his offer to her of a shoulder. (men can be a little niave at times) That, I did have a problem with. I felt his shoulder should only be available to me, his wife. He understood that and contacted her to say after much thought, there really wasn't anything he could offer, he was sorry, but he loved me and didn't think it would be fair.

I never saw the emails between them and I don't think there were any texts, but I'm glad I didn't stumble on anything mid way.
Both our mobiles are pin free. He picks up my messages, (and forgets to tell me lol) and I often pick up his. (even the wrong number ones which 1 was quite sexy. )He does go through and delete stuff to clear memory just as I do.
In this world of technology, it can be a great thing, it can also be a bad thing.

Personally, I think you could be reading too much into it. He is allowed to chat to other women, but what you may find is both of you at this time may be feeling the wobbles.
Maybe he hasn't told you because there is nothing to tell, but you finding this is sending your mind into overdrive.
Confronting him will make him believe you don't trust him. That could mean a big row.
I understand pin numbers in phones are an instant 'what are you hiding' my hubs ex wife who had an affair did just that, but you musn't tar eveyone with the same brush.

I think you should air your insecurities with him and see if he can offer this info with this lady volountarily (SP?)

Not much more I can say really as it's a tough one. We don't know your situation and I feel it would be unfair of me to suggest something when we don't have all the facts.
I do hope you are ok however. xx