Cheating?please help

mummyofboys

Hi

I am sat in tears as i write this. i am supposed to be getting married in feb 2011, we have been together nearly 5 years since 18 and have two gorgeous children aged 3.5 and 4 months. I have noticed my boyfriend has been turning his phone off when he goes to football ect and tonight it waas left turned off again. It has a four digit pin which he doesnt know i know the code to, so as far as hes concerned i cannot acces any info on phone. Well as i was wondering why he turns it off even though i dont know the code I went throught it tonight. It is an i phone so i was suspecting that he would worry a text would pop up on screen like it does with the i phone.

On his texts it does not let you access the sent messages, either that or he had deleted them all, and as for inbox there were hardly any there. I logged on his msn through his phone, and there was a popped up convo form the 20th july to his ex this is the content

her " Hi I just got your text lol "

him " oh lol Hi"

her " this is good and cheap ha ha "

him " ye you could say that"

him " is that you boyf?" (in the pic)

her "yea, were getting married in september"

him "cool am glad for you

her " How come your not married daddy, thought you were smitten"

him " not rushing it ( BOOKED!!! ) will be soon though

her " check us out all grown up and settling down. So what made you think of me today then.

Him " I always think of you silly. I just went through my phone book and though why not"

that was all at 6pm on the 20th july then at 11.40 he had tryed to say hi again but she was offline. I am guessing as she says this was good and cheap she means they were texting alot , i cannot find out if he is still texting her ect, her number is in his phone, but i cannot see any bill ect and like i sed messages were deleted.
I am going out of my mind with worry, he is due back any minute. i have turned the phone off and put it back until i think of a plan, i feel like i need to know if this is still going on, he would be so annoyed if he knew i knew the pin and had gone through the phone,
what does everyone think of this convo and any advice on wher to go next.
she is so much nicer looking then me, i have always felt not good enough and like i love him more, feel gutted

whitewing

You're bound to feel wobbly with a 4 month old. He didn't deny he was smitten either!

curlytop12

didnt want to read and run.....
didn't sound too suspect-no flirting or saying how mis he is etc.
just sounds like he's been thinking of his past as wedding is looming,don't worry!
ps.why don't you ask him why he turns his phone off ??

Birdie85

I didn't want to read and run... but I don't really know what to say!

I'd be inclined to say that it was 'harmless' flirting i.e. he isn't doing anything but flirting on text/msn, maybe he's just trying to catch up with his past because he's feeling a little overwhelmed about getting married and 'growing up'?

Maybe try to talk to him about how he's feeling indirectly to pick up on any signs that he's cheating, has he given you any reason to suspect him apart from the phone thing?

Sending you dodgy hugs:grouphug: and I hope he's just being a bit silly and not doing anything really stupid

xtinkersx

aww massive hugs i too would be going out my head!!! (i went through something similar when i had JUST given birth to our second (also totgether 5 yrs with 2 kids since 18 lol)
my sis also had this type of thing happen other month and she waited until she had enough 'evidence' to talk to him-when she did he totally turned it bk round onto her for looking through his phone so he really got out of it!!! grrrrrr.
i would note his behaviour etc maybe mention why his phones off and see what he says things like that.
the convo is nohting wrong BUT it sounds like theyhave been texting but shes getting wed in sep-if she wanted something to happen i would suspect she wouldnt mention that or she would moan about it.

But I am curious whats the face for he put about the wedding being booked?
big hugs to you xxx

mummyofboys

thanks everyone.
I just feel really hurt, me and her had a huge row about a year ago as i found emails that she kept sending flirty ect, I am hurt he says he always thinks about her and i also feel it could be deeper as mesages deleted How would I kno?? just feel betrayed at the minute

mummyofboys

no the booked bit is me as he said not rushing it but we have it all nearly paid and booked so it seems like hes rly playing it down. I feel like the wedding thing is trying to get a reaction from him?? also why is she asking why he thought of her? it feels like flirting??

I feel so down my baby is 4 months and was in hospital for 3 weeks as he was premature and ill and so i didnt fully bond for a while as it was so traumatic and i was ill it feels like im just getting my head together and this happens

picklepick

I think you can assume that he hasnt spoken to her before this conversation took place for some time. He didnt know she was getting married, she seemed surprised that he wasnt already married or know anything about you having planned it etc. It all seems quite innocent to me. I often think of my ex boyfriend, we were together for 5 years, and I occassionally chat to him on msn. Theres nothing sinister about it. I think you're reading too much into it. Perhaps he was just going through his phone book and was bored and thought he'd say hi.

Perhaps he turns his phone off when he goes to football because he knows he wont need it and hes saving the battery?

Either way, you obviously have some trust issues in your relationship perhaps discuss with him that you're feeling insecure?

BarbC

Poor you hon, I feel so sorry for you crying about this but youre not alone - everyone here is on your side. I think I agree with everyone though that there isn't anything concrete in the messages and he is prob just trying to look 'cool' and flirtworthy but he didnt say anything damning and you have to remember that texts/emails are so subjective - without a tone of voice/emoticon you can take things a lot of ways depending on how you read them at the time. here's hoping its all sorted out for you soon. Is there any way you could broach it with him in a round about way if you don't want to admit looking at his phone?

mummyofboys

thanks i appriciate everyones opinions. maybe its just me, i do feel quite upset though, his phone is here thought coz he doesnt bring it footbal he turns it off then turns it on again when he gets in- he also charges it every night so its defo not the charge thing. This is the only time he ever leaves his phone here when hes a fottie as he cant run with it in pocket.

I think its because on the 17th i raised issues with him saying I feel like he hasnt been very intrested in the wedding and planning it (i know alot of men arnt) but i said i feel like i love you more then you love me, and his reply was " well in every relationship there is always one person who loves the other more ) then that conversation went on three days later.. just quite down about it all

mummyofboys

i think i will just ask him why he turns it off when he goes to football and see what he says. he will prob bite my head off though!