Cheating?please help

mandi

Do you know who this girl is ? and have contact details ?

If so send her a message at the same time tell your husband to be that you have . Harsh yes maybe , but this needs to be sorted out if it is making you so unhappy as it would me .

Flirting or not he is speaking to another female behind your back and hiding it from you.

Get it out in the open let them both know that you know , and stand your ground .

good luck .

shellsuit

There is one bit of the convo that would worry me and that's him saying he wasn't rushing into getting married, when the bleedin thing is booked!

It wouldn't matter who he was talking to as the rest on the convo is fine, it would make me wonder though why he wouldn't tell someone that his wedding was booked, especially when the person he was talking to has just said their's in booked!

No wonder you're upset, I would be too, and it would eat and eat away at me and if it were me, I'd have to ask just !!!!!! he meant by saying that (or not saying it should I say!) xxx

hannahjex

The turning the phone off all the time thing is a different matter, but I think that conversation is fairly innocent. You can tell from the convo that they haven't spoken for a while; he was looking through his phone, felt nostalgic, sent her a text to see how she was doing, she responded on MSN, that's it. I don't think there is any harm in a bit of nostalgia, and I think it is human nature to look back on your past, especially with a wedding coming up/new baby etc.

As for the wedding thing, Feb 2011 is AGES to a man. My husband was still telling people "we should be getting married soon" when it was three weeks to go! The 'not rushing it' comment I think refers to why you aren't already married and the 'will be soon though' is him telling her that you will be getting married soon. Call me naive, but I don't think you've got anything to worry about based on that convo.

But like I said earlier, the behaviour with his phone, and whatever else is leading you to distrust him is a different matter.

bubbles0169

i think theres a few issues here
if you trusted your h2b100% you would not be on here
why dont you trust him?
is it just baby blues?
is your baby blues turning into depression and could be pushing him away(not a good/excusable reason but it does happen)
have you been hurt in the past?
i think its strange how he turns it off and how he keeps the pin a secret, or does he? you just havnt asked if you can have it when he may well just give it you
i think you need to have a big heart to heart and find out if you are really both truely happy xxx

maggie111

jay_mi10 wrote: »

no the booked bit is me as he said not rushing it but we have it all nearly paid and booked so it seems like hes rly playing it down. I feel like the wedding thing is trying to get a reaction from him?? also why is she asking why he thought of her? it feels like flirting??

I feel so down my baby is 4 months and was in hospital for 3 weeks as he was premature and ill and so i didnt fully bond for a while as it was so traumatic and i was ill it feels like im just getting my head together and this happens

I think the reason why he said "not rushing it" means the reason why he's not married already. he's clearly not going to tell his ex the date of the wedding etc - did you want her to turn up or something?

I#m sure he turns his phone off when he goes out because it wouldn't be fair to leave it behind ringing all the time. Or that he would want it to go straight to voicemail or whatever.

I assure you, if he wanted to hide it he'd take it with him.

hayleythedaisy

I echo the others TBH, I think the conversation is innocent and a "not spoken in a while style" and if I was leaving my phone at home I'd turn it off because my husband wouldn't know whether to answer it to my mum for instance or not so it would be easier to turn it off and pick up the messages when I get home.
As for the pin, just about everyone I know with an iphone has a pin, largely because you can I think but also for facebook and easy access to their emails.
I wouldn't worry about the not rushing it bit, it might have been a dig at her, maybe she hasn't been with her h2b for long, I didn't read it at all that he isn't aware that it's planned, just that he didn't want to respond to her saying her wedding is booked (childish "well we're getting married too so nurrr")
Sounds like the pair of you could do with some quality time together, is there anyway you could leave your baby with a relative for a bit and go and have a big frothy milkshake in a nice tea shop or something? I find when we do that it reaffirms whats there, even if it is a bit rocky at times.
You've both had a stressful time pass and another stress looming with your wedding, it's natural for guys to do thinks like talk to old friends or exes but if they are both talking about getting married in a short msn conversation it's unlikely there is any threat there.
Good luck honey, hope you work it out :-) xx

paulwf

jay_mi10 wrote: »

thanks i appriciate everyones opinions. maybe its just me, i do feel quite upset though, his phone is here thought coz he doesnt bring it footbal he turns it off then turns it on again when he gets in- he also charges it every night so its defo not the charge thing. This is the only time he ever leaves his phone here when hes a fottie as he cant run with it in pocket.

Not really surprising when he obviously can't trust you not to scour through his texts, instant message logs and god knows what else.

mummyofboys

paulwf wrote: »

Not really surprising when he obviously can't trust you not to scour through his texts, instant message logs and god knows what else.

I came on here for support and advice not for people to slag me off. I was suspicious as to why it was turned off, as even if it rung I couldnt answer it in his eyes as he thought I didnt know the pin. It is the only time I checked it, and his conversation was popped up on msn, I havnt been logging them or whatever you meant.

Thanks all for the advice, yes he has hurt me in the past, I dont really want to go into it, but obviously these feelings crop up every now and then, and maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. No I am not depressed either, and slightly resented the comment suggesting I was pushing him away?

LegalBlonde

i am not going to slag you off for looking as you obviously felt like you needed to, but i know from experience in all relationships and situations and from on here - no good has ever EVER come of someone looking somewhere they shouldn't. The outcome might have been much more productive if you had just asked him your concerns when you felt the urge to look. Believe me this is from experience that I wish I had done the same rather than go in all guns blazing so I am not slagging you off, just a thought for the future.

karen_newcastle

paulwf wrote: »

Not really surprising when he obviously can't trust you not to scour through his texts, instant message logs and god knows what else.

Not quite a black and white as that though is it? He is displaying secretive and suspicious behaviour and that really drives people to do what they do. I dont think you should judge someone or blame her for what her BF is doing (or isn't doing!)

My thoughts were that the convo sounded fairly innocent, like they dont speak regularly but I do appreicate how you much feel. I've been in a relationship when he was cheating (via internet and texts) and I know how it makes you feel. He told every lie in the book to avoid being caught out and for a long time, because I trusted him, I believed him. In my case that trust was totally abused by him.

I hope you get this sorted out xx