Do I stay or do I go?

Matron_2

I would like to hear from anyone regarding separating when there is a child involved?
I know this sounds obvious, but is it better to stay in a family unit but with one or both parents unhappy and argueing - or is it better to leave,set up a new home and the child become part of a broken home

I am very unhappy in my marriage and would like to leave with my son, but my husband wants to try and make the marriage work. I know my son is unhappy because of his behaviour and the way he talks to his dad (with no respect). I was all set to start divorce proceedings, but my parents spoke to us and persuaded me to stay because of my son ( they feel that the marriage should be forever.)
I would be grateful for any thoughts, comments etc.

Spendless

Matron wrote:

I am very unhappy in my marriage and would like to leave with my son, but my husband wants to try and make the marriage work.

Does this mean you don't?

All i can suggest is going somewhere like Relate?

I haven't been thru this and don't feel i can offer much advice but i wish you all the best.

xx

trafalgar_2

HI,

Sorry your situation is such and obviously you have to decide.All I can say is that in my experience then best thing is to leave if you really want to ,the child will not be happy because you stay when you don't want to....................you can't make a marriage work just for the kids,it won't last,and kids pick up on the bad feelings .
Don't stay unless you can both make it work and more importantly ,you both want to.

lifeslove

From my own experience I say leave. You don't say how old you are but I was 30 with three children and in an unhappy relationship. I stayed for a further 2 years for the sake of the children, we had a nice house, lived in a nice area but at the end of the day none of us were happy. I decided for my own sake ( I wasn't getting any younger) to leave and start again. The kids were much happier straight away even though we didn't have a lot of the nice things we used to.

It's 7 years later, my kids are happy and haven't suffered being from a 'broken' home. I have even managed to give them 2 brothers from a new relationship. At the end of the day do what is best for you, it's your life not your parents.

If you want to talk more please pm me.
Take care and good luck.

Matron_2

I have tried to make the marriage work believe me, I've been doing it for so long now that I am tired of trying.
All I want is to do the best I can for my son. But I don't want to look back in years to come and see that I made a mistake and ruined his life.

SammyPops

If you are 100% sure that you want to leave, then leave. There is no point staying somewhere where you are unhappy in a relationship. You will get depressed because of it and that will affect your little boy.

I split up from my ex husband 4 years ago. At the time, my boys were aged 2 and 4, and I wasn't working. I managed to get a job, and while money has been tight, we've had a lot of good times as I feel much happier in myself.

I'm not promising it will be easy! It's a tough road to take being a single parent, and it's a lot of hard work but you can do it if that is what you want.

My boys are 6 and 8 now. Last year my eldest got level 3 in all his SATS which is above average. I've just been to parents night last week, and both boys are way above average in maths, and my 8 year old has a reading age of 14. The teachers said they are both well behaved, do good work and are a pleasure to have in the class. Coming from a 'broken home' doesn't seem to have done them any harm at all.

Make sure you have a good think about what you want to do. If you want to leave, be firm with your parents and ask them not to push you back with him, but to support you in your wishes. It would be helpful if you could keep them on your side, as I found the support from my parents has been invaluable.

trafalgar_2

Matron wrote:

I have tried to make the marriage work believe me, I've been doing it for so long now that I am tired of trying.
All I want is to do the best I can for my son. But I don't want to look back in years to come and see that I made a mistake and ruined his life.

I think you already know what your going to do but just need assurance your son will be ok,he will be as long as his mum and his dad are happy...............together or seperate.

aliasojo

This is a horrible situation to be in. Unfortunately there is no easy answer.

I think a lot depends on the type of child your son is, and to a certain extent, his age.

Your parents are from a different generation, they were likely raised in a time where marriage was meant for life, no matter how bad it was. Things are different now, and no matter how strongly they feel about it, it is YOU and your son who have to live each day in the situation.

A child needs to be raised in a healthy atmosphere in order to grow into a healthy well balanced individual. Ideally Mum and Dad happy together is the perfect scenario, if that's not possible then you have to pick the least of the evils.

Does your son interact with his father much? Will he miss out on day to day things with his father if you separate? How much of a loss to his everyday life would it be if Dad wasn't there? If you and Dad stayed together, would you be able to be at least civil?

There's a lot you need to weigh up, when there's a child involved.

I, personally think a broken home which would eventually become a more stable happier one, is preferable to a home with two parents whose unhappiness will eventually stifle everyone.

The stress of living in an unhappy situation will ALWAYS spill over and affect the child/children.

Much better to deal with the sharp imediate pain of a breakup and then strive for a happy life thereafter, rather than living each day slowly becoming more resentful, and angry.

Your son will deal with whatever comes his way....he's a child....that's what they do. You just need to pin down where the best chance for a happy atmosphere comes from, with Dad or without?

I really wish you well.

Squidgy

leave. It sounds as if your son isn't happy with his father, from what you say. Being surrounded by the two of you arguing all the time won't do him any favours.

Dan29

My parents split up when I was about 12 and I was much happier living with my mum than I'd been listening to them arguing all the time. I remember how upsetting it was to be in bed and hear them shouting at each other downstairs most nights - and then they'd be needling at each other during the day too. I hated my dad at the time, and don't like him very much now ... maybe it would have been better if they'd split up sooner.

chardonnay_2

if you do leave, then you'll probably find that both parents spend a lot more quality time with your son. he will be happier eventually as it will hopefully be a better atmosphere for him to live in and not to hear his parents arguing.

good luck