How and what am i going to tell my 2 boys?

inkie

Had to tell my 3 yr old that grandma (my mum) died - 7 rs today actually. As we are a Christian family, I was wable to tell her that Gran had gone to be with Jesus. I then let any other questions come from her and reposnded appropriately. Often the fear of doing this kind og thing is worse than actually doing it.

Best wishes....

seven-day-weekend

Wew told our son (5) that his grandad had died. We are a Christian family, but we didn't labour that point, because as someone has pointed out, if he is 'living with Jesus' then why doesn't Jesus let him come back? It's confusing to a five-year-old and may make him frightened of Jesus IMHO.

Anyway, we said he had died, and that his heart was poorly and couldn't work any more. We said that usually people didn't die unless they were old and/or ill. (he was actually only 55, but that's old to a five-year-old). We said although we would all be sad miss him, we would always have all our happy memories, and that we would always think about him and remember him.

Son was fine with that.

Threadhead

Just want to offer my condolences to you, Feisty.

moo_moo

So sorry to hear your sad news. I lost my nan last year and my children where 16 14 11 and 6mths. None of them had a chance to see her and say goodbyes and this really upset them so i got them to write a letter to her saying all the things they thought they should have said. These letters were then put with Nan. This really helped them. Your eldest could make a card for her? Although my children were older than yours i would never say she had gone to sleep as i know of friends children who were told this and it affected there own sleep and frightened them.
like you i feel spirtiual and believe my Nan is around. My mum has been and still is deeply affected by the loss of Nan and i find myself being strong for her, this in its self has helped me as Nan would want me to look after her.
Not sure if this helps but my thoughts are with you. take care

Feisty_Fairy

Hi again all,

Thanks very much for all your advice and kind words, i told my boys yesterday, the eldest just seemed uncomfortable but didnt cry, he said he understood, that she was star in the sky now and would always be sending her love, he did ask how she would see us in the mornings when the stars are not out, i explained that they are always there but we see them better at night. He seemed fine with this. He later said he had a little cry by himself and was ok now.

The youngest felt he should be upset but didnt really know why, he had a little cry although im not sure he really new why he was crying. He then said that he would say goodbye to her and wouldnt see her anymore, but he did ask if the stars could bring her back on last time so he could give her a cuddle, bless him.

The day was very hard for all of us and i think i coped ok, helping my mum seemed to keep me together. I did however have to do the not so nice jobs like strip Grans bed etc when she had been taken to the chapel of rest, this i think was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.

It hit me properly when i went to bed i think, my OH came to bed and just held me and told me to just let it out, i did and it carried on through the night, so i havent slept too well.

I am at work at mo but cant concentrate, finishing early again though to collect my boys and sort out more stuff. I know things wil get easier and in time we will get used to her not being there, but that all just seems so far into the future, we are going on holiday in just under 3 weeks so that will help us i think, but mum is going to need all the support she can get and she isnt coming on holiday with us so i am going to have to be strong for her while i am here and help her get through the hardest parts.

Thanks again peeps and sorry for the long reply, i feel a bit better now!

Regards

Feisty

LoLo

Hi, just wanted to say that I told my child that his great grandad had gone to be a star in the sky when he died and he often told me he wanted to go see him, so on what would have been his birthday we let a balloon into the sky and he watched it till he could no longer see it. I then told my child that he could not see it as his great grandad had got it.

doogle_chick

LoLo wrote:

Hi, just wanted to say that I told my child that his great grandad had gone to be a star in the sky when he died and he often told me he wanted to go see him, so on what would have been his birthday we let a balloon into the sky and he watched it till he could no longer see it. I then told my child that he could not see it as his great grandad had got it.

aahhh, LoLo that's such a beautiful thing to do. I lost my dad to cancer in July and will do that on his birthday. Thank you.

jellyhead

just wanted to send a hug *HUG*

is this their first death experience? any pets died?

AnnieH

I found that when my father-in-law died, it was nice to tell the children that he had gone up to heaven and was now a star in the sky, and when you look up into the sky at night, you'll see him twinkling down on you.

It went really well, and still they say (3 years later) Oh look there's grandad if they see a really bright star.

PS sorry to hear your sad news.(hug)

helen_vasey

my condolences to you and your family. as for what to tell your boys, when my dd was 6, we lost my dad and when she was 8, we lost my m-i-l, children handle death a lot better than you can imagine, just try not to confuse them and tell them the truth as they will understand it, no need for long , flowery explanations, just explain that they will not be able to come back. good luck.