Social Services, should I contact them or not

tanith

So you have upset your children by telling them they can't see their Dad anymore... that is so wrong poor kids.. its not their fault their parents are fighting over access times..

robpw2

i honestly think that if the father wants to be involved you should not shut him out and that you are putting this weekend job before your children ,
you havent said when the father wants them etc so im guessing he might want to see them in the week ?
maybe you should talk to him and try to see what you could sort out between you before involving a solicitor perhaps ask someone neutral like a friend or relative to mediate for you then use the court as your last resort .

gizmo111

Social Services will not be interested in your contact arrangements, they may however have a list of childminders in your area that work weekends. They may take an interest if you leave the children alone at weekends though, but it won't be to provided childcare of the sort you are looking for.
You cannot force your ex to have contact, and even a court order cannot force him to turn up, there is also no consequence for not turning up.

pemalu

I have wanted my ex to have access to the children. The father does not see children during the week. Only every fortnight on weekend. Since Easter, my son join Boys Scout which ends at 9:30pm on Friday. His dad lives 15 min away but does not want to bother pick him up Friday night so my daughter sees him Fri-Sun (fortnight), my son only Sat-Sun (one night fortnight). He doesn't want to make any effort to pick my son up, just 15 min drive! Because he wants to drink on Friday nights. He has a gf and 3 yo son with her. If he loves my son dearly, he would've driven to pick him up, wouldn't he? I asked if he'd join father-son cub activities last year and he didn't bother.

It is he who wants to change schedule to suit his needs. This happens mostly at year end, for him to attend festive parties. I am not from here, no family to count on and no time to build strong bond with friendships. I have bought non refundable ticket to see my family and he told me that he's not going to have the children that time because he's going away to attend a wedding party in Slovakia. Not just my children, my job, I am unable to have a decent life as he expects the world to revolve around him.

Tanith & nannytoe: I put my children always first, hence I work during school hours and weekends that they're away. I am here so that the children can see their dad but he does not appreciate it one bit. It's all about his needs above anybody else's. Please do not accuse me of being a bad mother. When I married him, I truly loved him. Sometime you then find out that they are not who you think they were. We were living in Norway and I was pregnant with my second child when I learned that he was having an affair. These things happen. For the love of my children, I agreed to live in Scotland (where he's from).

Geegee8: I don't make £800 and pay lawyer's fee of 2K. The 800 is just the weekend job. I have 2 jobs.

robpw2: I tried Mediation service, they invited him but he refused to attend. thank you for trying to help.

gizmo111: thank you for your sensible point of view.

tanith

Surely you would take your children with you to see your family, I don't understand why you wouldn't want to. If I were you I would just accept that your ex is not going to be available when you want him to be and manage yours and the childrens lives without him.. If he sees the children all well and good if not then you have to manage as best you can as do millions of other one parent families with absent fathers...

robpw2

. The problem with contact orders and residence orders is the fact that circumstances change so often and as children get older they will find more and more things to do like scouts for example and then it will become more and more difficult to see the absent parent. I appreciate that you have tried to sort things .
1. friday night issue maybe your son could bike over to dads after scouts this would enable him to see his dad and perhaps allieveate the problem of picking him up
2. i understand why your upset about the ticket and him going off to slovakia for the wedding but these things happen just because he is the father of your children does not mean he does not have a life outside of the family , could you perhaps work out that he looks after the kids the weekend after and compensated you for the ticket or at least went halfs with you .

3. perhaps it may be worth going to see citizens advice and seeking help and perhpas finding other single mothers in the area , i think you need to try and build yourself a friendship base . so that you have people you can rely on as well in emergencies

pemalu

tanith: i would have loved to be able to afford taking my children to see my family. i left my home country 13 years ago and only managed to go home 3 times, took my children along once.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

I can understand why the op is upset with her ex as mine has been exactly the same since he moved 100 odd miles away & moved in with his new gf & her 2 young children.

He couldn't get a job as he needed to look after her kids whilst she was at work so my kids don't get any financial asistance from their own dad because he has to look after someone elses kids. :mad:

He is also supposed to have his kids everyother weekend but last w/end made up some excuse why he couldn't have them (again).

It's very frustrating as i'm the one that has to tell the kids he isn't coming & see the disappointment on their faces.

The op is putting her kids 1st as am I but the fathers who are equally as responsible for their kids seem to be able to swan off & be a dad whenever they feel like & always on theri terms.

Op if I was you i'd move back home & take the kids, at least then you would get support from your family as your ex isn't being a responsible father.

If he wanted to see the kids he would have to pay for their travel expenses etc.

You shouldn't have to live in a Country where you have no family & friends just to please him, you are not married anymore & he is taking the pee as far as I can see.

robpw2

pemalu wrote: »

tanith: i would have loved to be able to afford taking my children to see my family. i left my home country 13 years ago and only managed to go home 3 times, took my children along once.

i hadnt realised your family were in norway , i understand why it would be difficult to change the ticket now and what you will do with the children .
would your ex contribute to paying for the children to go with you considering it is because of his trip away that they will be with you ?

robpw2

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

I can understand why the op is upset with her ex as mine has been exactly the same since he moved 100 odd miles away & moved in with his new gf & her 2 young children.

He couldn't get a job as he needed to look after her kids whilst she was at work so my kids don't get any financial asistance from their own dad because he has to look after someone elses kids. :mad:

He is also supposed to have his kids everyother weekend but last w/end made up some excuse why he couldn't have them (again).

It's very frustrating as i'm the one that has to tell the kids he isn't coming & see the disappointment on their faces.

The op is putting her kids 1st as am I but the fathers who are equally as responsible for their kids seem to be able to swan off & be a dad whenever they feel like & always on theri terms.

Op if I was you i'd move back home & take the kids, at least then you would get support from your family as your ex isn't being a responsible father.

If he wanted to see the kids he would have to pay for their travel expenses etc.

You shouldn't have to live in a Country where you have no family & friends just to please him, you are not married anymore & he is taking the pee as far as I can see.

i agree with what you have said and about moving back to norway my only concern would be that the children are not at fault and should if they wish still be able to have a relationship with their father but you should also ask them what they would like to do