TAXIS...Beating the cancer and clearing the mortgage the final hurdle.

Karmacat

Taxi, I feel a little bit the same way as you, tbh - I use my diary loads, there are a lot of issues in my life that need sorting still, and quite a few of them are even about money (I haven't even mentioned that I finally bought a dress for the wedding).... but after all, I'm debt free, I'm even mortgage free .... I've made some good friends on here, and this is the only place I meet you all, so I'm loathe to leave .... its a difficult thing tho.

Is that where you're coming from? I'm not sure it is, if you feel you have nothing to say - but there again, you've had to put your life on hold for heaven knows how long because of being so ill ... you've had to pare down your life right to a very black and white level.

And now its time to add colour back in! I for one am looking forward to hearing about trips out, about plans for holidays, about losing weight, about getting fit - it may not be money, but the money is in there too.

Lula-Hula

Hi Taxi,

please stay , pleeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzze

Seems like quite a few of us feel like that, I'm coming to the end of my time being a DFW too, although I'm quite happy to use another 0% CC & buy [STRIKE]some more shoes[/STRIKE] a new oven & sofa if needs must to stay here.

Perhaps there should be a new diaries sub board to house those who are now DF but only recently so they can be eased onto other boards gently.( like wearing the P plate on your car :rotfl:)

taxi73

Can't explain how I feel really.I don't know who I am anymore or what I want.I've lost me..it's hard to explain.

youareallhelpingme

(((((hugs)))))) Taxi, I don't think you've lost you, you just a different you than before and all of a sudden the treatment and rounds of appointment etc stop. Before you had them to focus on, get you from one day to the next as each time you looked to the next thing that was booked.

I was listening to a piece on the radio about people who had been treated for cancer and one lady emailed in about how you always heard about people who fought it and then went on to live these amazing fulfilled lived, the cancer had been the best thing that ever happened etc etc. She said "when will I feel like that because i don't. My life is the same now as before, and it wasn't the best thing to happen, it was awful".

I guess in time you will settle into the new you - new because you don't have to worry about the debts, new because of the treatment you have had, new because you think about what will happen in the future.

Can you speak to your Macmillan nurse? x

hypno06

taxi73 wrote: »

Can't explain how I feel really.I don't know who I am anymore or what I want.I've lost me..it's hard to explain.

This is very much how I felt this time last year after XOH left. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted for months - I really felt that I had no identity at all.

Discovering who I am has been a huge process for me - a very emotional one, a scary one, and an exciting one ......and all I can say is that at this point in time, whilst I don't know exactly who I am or where I am heading, I certainly have a darn sight better idea and am enjoying things much more (as is obvious from my diary, I think).

But it was hard getting there - for so many reasons - and they are of course reasons that are different to yours, so your "journey" is bound to be different. In your circumstances it is bound to be difficult to adjust again - you have been through so much, and still have uncertainty ahead of you I guess, but at the same time have another opportunity to be who you want to be.

It will all come good - but it takes time. Hang on in there, and be ready for some amazing times ahead x

gilligansyle

((((hugs))))

As a general lurker, please don't leave. Maybe some of it is that you have spent so long being 'mum' and 'grandmother' and 'working mum' and then lately the illness and the recovery, that somewhere you need to create a new you. Take some time out to think about who that person is, or who you want that person to be.

I think its a phase most people go through, but you have had other issues too.

Love the idea of P-plates for the newly DF. The focus for years is on getting rid of the debt, and once its gone, a new way of living is needed and requires support.

Ellidee

Taxi sorry you are feeling like this. Have you ever tried yoga ? It is so gentle and the relaxation part where you learn to meditate and visualise is fantastic. Just a thought. Big hugs xx

REDMADCURLS

Taxi, I am sorry you are struggling with all this emotional stuff, I guess the rollercoaster has slowed down and left you to gather all the debris and put it back together to create a new life. Hard at the best of times, never mind when your body is also having to work hard to recover and recoup.

Please don't stop your diary. It is a great read and, for me anyway, a reminder of what is important in life because I love the way you speak of your DH. You are so loving and appreciating of him and that is not a natural way for me to be (as you may have seen on my diary!!). Reading your diary reminds me to stop whinging at/about DH and to remember that he is the love of my life.

So there, you can't go. I need you (as does my marriage)

xx

taxi73

Guess you're all right.I always had a lot on my mind one way or the other and now I don't really.I was always busy one way or another.
I have lots of stuff I need to do round here but don't seem to be able to find the motivation to do them and then get annoyed with myself.

Keeping_Motivated

Taxi, when you say lots of things, do you mean housework? I know it goes against the MSE grain but would you consider a cleaner for a while? If you felt the house was in shape iy might lift your mood which in turn would have a knock on effect on other things?

Also after having treatment for so long I can kind of understand that now it's over you feel at a loss if that makes sense I would put a bet on that being common for cancer sufferers and also when you have had to stay in doors so long it's also common to lose a bit of confidence. Would you consider to talking to one of the maccillan nurses or one of their counsellors as you might be surprised how much off loading might help?