Help me please - I want to DO THIS this time and save my sanity

Emmzi

Would you like the good news, though?

You have a comprehensive budget which covers most things. And you are only £30 short month from being on top of things - which is easy to find with a few cutbacks! So maybe things are not as bad as you think. If you can cut back a little more - and I'd encourage you to look at suggestions made - the debt will be paid off faster.

Questions I would be asking myself
- do I want to tell hubby and get his support and help? He certainly needs to know you are cutting back, because you can't do that on your own for both of you, he has to cut back too
- do I want external help eg CCCS or citizens advice. If you find it wasier to go through things face to face, citizens advice may be the way to go, although I think there is a longer waiting time for an appointment.

Emmzi

HateMyself wrote:

I am not actually behind on any of the credit commitments, so not sure if we will have any default notices. Have had a couple of late payments though.

The Gas and Elec are high as we have recently had to get meters fitted to pay off a debt built up.

The car insurance is for 2 cars. Im hoping this will go down this year now we are 25.

You can get a copy of your credit report on a free trial from Equifax and Experian - just remember to cancel before the end of your trial period so you don't get charged. This would let you see if you have any defaults, and maybe put your mind at rest. In any event, you would know the size of the problem, if there was one.

Smashing

Do you absolutely need to be running 2 cars?
Sky can be cancelled
Magazines & newspapers - read in the library or online
Try packed lunches for school
Contact your gp about support to stop smoking
Food costs can be reduced - see the OS board

HateMyself_2

The thing is, I must be on about year 3 now since my LIGHTBULB moment when I realised we couldnt afford to sustain how we were living (I lost a very well paid job, am now a childminder)

I have time and time again got all figures and APRs sorted, made a budget, looked at snowball calculators etc and Im coming to the conclusion that I am just useless at sorting it on my own.

That is why the CCCS is tempting, the thought of being debt free in less than 4 years is almost too good to be true so Im thinking whats the catch?

My other thought is to consolidate on to the mortgage I KNOW what the advice is on that in that its normally a bad thing but surely if I did that I am at least saving my credit rating? I consider myself lucky that at 25 we have 40k equity on a 3 bed house. Most people my age arent in that position and so I think so if I use 30k equity and become debt free Im probably the same position as if I had just bought the house and taken out a large mortgage.

vics_1982

HateMyself wrote:

Hi

Thanks for making it easier to read!

I have had complete control over our finances.We are 25 with 2 kids and the cards in his name and joint names are accounts opened by me. He only has knowledge of a few. He knows we arein debt but not how extreme it is.

I am actually quite angy with him for sailing through leaving m to do [a terrible job of] dealing with our finances.

He must know something is up as i imagine this is having an effect on your relationship (mine did), perhap if you sit down and explain what debts are were and also show him that you already have an action plan he will be less likely to leave you to deal with it on your own, he may have thought that you were happy to deal with all your finances on your own.

The thing that will make youo feel better from the off is the support that you will get on this board and hopefully at home.

My oh was lovely about it, mind you it took me abou a year to tell him the whole truth, i thought he would go mad as he is brilliant with money but he didn't and look at my sig below, if i can do it anyone can!!!

Vics
x

Emmzi

HM,

who runs up the debt? You, or hubby, or both?

You BOTH need to have spending under control, just ine is no good.

HateMyself_2

Do you absolutely need to be running 2 cars?

We do need two cars. I am a childminder and pick up and drop off the children (I charge extra for this, it makes up a decent part of my income)

My husband works in a hospital 10 miles away and works various shifts including nights so we couldnt share a car.)

Sky can be cancelled - yes, this is one that can go, the pressure to have it for the children is huge though.

Magazines & newspapers - yes, my heat addiction/escapism is an easy one to go.

Try packed lunches for school - My daughter has packed lunches, that figure was to include that and also to cover my husband grabbing the odd thing when on shifts although he normally makes somethign to take in with him.

Contact your gp about support to stop smoking - I NEED to do this, ALL of my smoking friends have given up in the last year, I am now the only one left, the thing is Im not sure what I would rely on when I get very down if I couldnt escape teh chaos for 2 minutes peace and quiet with a ciggie. I rely on it too much to deal with things.

Food costs can be reduced - I budget 200 a month for food, the rest was to cover everything else that might come up. I was trying to make the budget as realistic as possible instead of kidding myself that we dont spend more sometimes.

pounds_and_pensive

I only do figures badly, so I won't attempt to do yours. The one 'talent' I have that usually serves me well is to take my negative feelings and kick them into something more positive where I can - I find anger etc only holds me back.

Try to think more kindly of your husband now, as a man who knew he was leaving finances in the control of somebody who could really turn things round if ever things got tough, and was bright enough to look to MSE and the DFWs for all the great help available here. You WILL get through this.

I've always believed that you can tell an expert in any subject, not by the lack of mistakes he or she demonstrates, but by how they tackle the many mistakes that they have to make along the way in order to attain their 'expert' status. By my definition, you're not making a terrible job with finances at all - you've found this place, and you're well on the way to being an expert already

HateMyself_2

Can I just Im embarassed at my subject line. Im sorry. I shoudlnt say Im going to top myself as even though sometimes I just get stuck in a pit of despair about money I do have lots of richness elsewhere in my life. Two wonderful children that just by existing make my life worth living and lots of friends, family and [usually] lovely husband.

I know ltos of people are much worse off.

Emmzi

HateMyself wrote:

Can I just Im embarassed at my subject line. Im sorry. I shoudlnt say Im going to top myself as even though sometimes I just get stuck in a pit of despair about money I do have lots of richness elsewhere in my life. Two wonderful children that just by existing make my life worth living and lots of friends, family and [usually] lovely husband.

I know ltos of people are much worse off.

HM,

you can edit it if you want to. Just go to your first post, click 'edit', and then 'advanced'.

You're right that it's about so much more than money.

xx