OH been cheating, help getting over him?

Mupette

I really think the writing to his parents a very bad idea, something that will come back to bite you on the bum.

You could be seen as a malicous person, and could cause more trouble than it's worth.

He is in the past now, leave him there.
The friendship should also go too, too many bad memories and would you be happy going out with him as a friend and sitting with the new woman, i know i wouldn't, It's not going to help with the grieving and healing.

mazinmouse

I think you could ask / suggest to him as the very least courtesy (after the gross discourtesy he has shown you) to allow you time to continue socialising with your shared friends and for him /girlfriend to keep away from the boxing and any other activities you previously enjoyed together. He may be too much of a !!!!!! to do this but it might help if he would.

Pollycat

Jen
apologies for misunderstanding about how far his parents live from you - the way you described it led me to think it was hundreds of miles.

But, I still think (and Mupette agrees) that it would be a bad idea for you to write to them.
If they want to keep in touch with you, they know where you are.

If your ex insists on keeping in touch with your joint friends, I think it's going to be a really hard time for you until you come to terms with your new situation.
Regardless of what's courteous, he (and maybe she) might be too bloody-minded to give up their circle of friends even temporarily.
They didn't exactly consider you when starting this affair, did they?.

Re looking for a new job, depending on how easy it would be for you to move to a different company, I'd give this some serious thought before making a decision.
For example, if you are some way up the company ladder and resigning would mean starting again from scratch, why should you put yourself back just because your ex has cheated on you.

Regards

swiss69

If nothing else at least you found out what type of person he is before you did get married and have children.

As painful as it may be, Relationships end. Especially where you met young which it sounds like you two did. People change and want different things. Most people have been through the pain of a break up and most come out the other side. You will too.....

Dont contact his parents. They will always side with their own child when push comes to shove. It wont do any good.

Why do people always feel the need to stay friends when they split up nowadays?

consultant31

GlasweJen wrote: »

I want my friend back, we were best friends before we started dating so i've known him for about 8 years in total, 1/3 of my life.

I want the relationship back but not for any rational reason or out of any love for him, at the moment i'm more afraid of becoming a lonely old cat lady because I'm cripplingly shy in real life, I don't like clubbing and i've never had casual sex nor do I ever want to, i don't feel like i fit into the modern world.

I don't want to ever date him again so that's not a worry I just miss him.

If I didn't know for certain it's not, I'd swear this post was by my DD.
She had known her boyfriend for 8 years - they got married and in less than a year he had got another girl pregnant (who he's also now dumped for yet another).

DD said, exactly as you have, that she missed her best friend! But, you know, once it all began to come out, his lies and everything, it made it much easier for her to see that he wasn't the person she'd loved for so long.

We're now 2 years down the line, she's lost 5 stone in weight and her life has completely changed - and all for the better.

As someone else has said, cliche or not, time really does heal. You're worth so much more and you're young enough to find someone worthy of you.

I would recommend you change your job and build a new life away from him. If you're shy it's not easy, but maybe a new hobby/night class will give you a new circle of friends.

Let your family help and support you - don't shut them out. ((Hugs)) Good luck

Blimey, just read the bit about him lying about his aunt's cancer - what sort of ba**ard does that? You're well rid of him love, honestly!

esmf73

Jen,
I'm really sorry to bring this up, but I couldn't see that anyone else had mentioned it. If you and he were having sex whilst you think he was having sex with this other girl - then you need to get tested for STI's. Just to be on the safe side. You sound wonderful - and I'm positive you'll meet a lovely person really soon. On the plus side - if you've been continuing the boxing and he hasn't........!!

hngrymummy

GlasweJen wrote: »

Also another thing that's really annoying me is that I wont be able to tell his parents what he did/what they are because they don't live near me and I can't drive. I was thinking of writing them a non-bitter letter explaining why I've disappeared after so long without any hint that it was happening, I feel like i owe it to them because they had expectations of our relationship. good idea or bad?

I'm afraid that's his job to do, and it will be far more awkward for him if he does have to do it.

You want to stay friends with him? In which case give yourself some space from him. You need to deal with the feelings from this relationship before you can even think about being friends. I had an ex I wanted to stay friends with. I had to give myself space from him. Once I'd had the space I needed from him, I realised that he wasn't a friend I wanted to keep, as he had cheated on me, and no friend does that to another friend.

You will find the strength in yourself to carry on. I strongly suggest that you find yourself a new hobby (it will enable you to meet new people) and stop going to the places that he goes to. If you should have to speak to him at work, hard as it may be, you must try to sound completely not bothered. By all means have a mope afterwards, but do not ever let him see that you are struggling or suffering.

BTW I do not like clubbing much, or ever had casual sex. There are plenty of people who are like you. You need to do things that you enjoy doing, and then you may well meet someone you get on with, as you like the same things.

You will meet someone, just give yourself time

hngrymummy

I just read your post about the cancer lie. That's awful. If I didn't know for sure he wasn't, I'd say he was my ex. He told me his gran was seriously ill in hospital so he went to 'visit' her a lot (except he didn't, he went to visit the new gf). Then his gran even 'died' and he went to the funeral and stuff. More excuses to spend time with other gf. Then he blamed me for the affair as I hadn't supported him enough when his gran had 'died'.

You are worth so much more than he is ever prepared to give you. I know, I've been there. Your friends and family will help you through this, as long as you let them.

It's time to start doing the things you want to do and take a couple of chances on things - go on holiday somewhere unusual, take up a random hobby, change your hairstyle etc etc. This is YOUR time now, so it's time to think about YOU.

downcdebt

What is it with these cancer lies?! I went out with someone who also spun me the illness line - only it was him and prostate cancer...all those hospital appointments and going home early due to 'tiredness' turned out to be tiredness from sh***ing lots of other women.

It is awful, but you will get through it eventually. He sounds like someone who will never change - to be that cruel, and that much of a lier takes some doing.

I'm sorry I know that there is nothing I can say that will make it better for you, but I am thinking of you and sending you some hugs xxx

Kaoslisa

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I just wanted to pick up on the above. Neither myself or my partner were into nightclubs or casual sex, and the older you get the more you realise there are many many people who feel the same. The modern world is full of many differnt life choices and lifestyles; the one you suggest makes you feel isolated and different is a small % of how many live.

I would have to agree with you here. I am 23 and my partner is 20. Neither of us are into nightclubs either and as much as the majority of our friends are into it, they respect that we're not really that type of person and are quite happy to have a night off now and again and just spend quality time with us either together or on an individual basis.

I'm sorry to here about your break up, there never nice things to go through. I was cheated on a few years ago and its the worst feeling in the world finding out you've been lied to.

Everyone needs a good cry and time to heal after a break up and as people have said before it may not seem like it now, but time does heal and in the end you'll realise how much better you are without him!

I also know what it like to have to restrain yourself from texting him, you need to keep yourself occupied so your not even thinking about texting him. I used to just go for a walk around my village to clear my head.

Just take things one day at a time and you'll get through it!!