What would you do?

Hectors_House

retireby50 wrote: »

Wedding present = suitable reduction in amount she owes you?

Excellent idea.

How is your sis with handling money?

If she's generally OK you could do what retireby50 has suggested and put it into a saving account for your sis so she has something to start building on after the wedding?

Although the amount of money she owes you isn't exactly peanuts it would be a pity for you both to get stressed over it if your relationship is a good one.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Fang wrote: »

You could see this from the sister's point of view. Through no fault of her own she's had to buy half of a car because her sister has ceased to honor an agreement between them of sharing the car bought jointly. They've then made an agreement that the sister will buy it off her before next September, but now that the sister that caused this entire situation in the first place has decided that she wants her money early. Which is unacceptable and selfish.

Actually it was a joint decision that we could no longer share a car when we have both moved out of our parents house and now live at different ends of the city. So to say I have caused the situation is wrong.

And surely I've been unselfish as it was me who let her keep the existing car, I had to buy a new car, not her. As I have mentioned before, if it was the other way round she would be constantly asking me for the money. I may seem selfish for wanting the money she is due me, but to me £550 is not a throw-away amount of money. I haven't demanded any money from her and I haven't asked for it all at once, it was agreed she would pay an amount monthly. Not a set amount as she is a student, but at least something.

Also, it is her decision to get married, so I don't see how that can be my fault. This agreement was made before she got engaged.

lauren_1

How much did you both input in to the car to buy it and was it really worth the £1400 you say?

Who legally owns the car?

brians_daughter

No doubt your sister will talk about money (or her lack of it) leading up to the wedding ie 'oh i went to look at x, and they will cost £x '

I would take this opportunity to mention the money she owes you at this point (thens she is the one whos brought money up iykwim?) As another poster has said i would then go on to say, 'talking about money, i know you know you still owe me £550 and its now due to be paid until Sept, but just so you know we did agree you would pay something each month, in order to clear what you owe by the date agreed you need to be paying £x each month/week. I know you have a wedding to plan and pay for, but we had an agreement' If she starts to moan i would point out that, although you are made up she is getting married this £550 isnt excatly a bolt out the blue and whilst you do not want to fall out about it you will not stand for her not repaying the debt.

If it was me with my siblings (which it has been in the past) i would be far happier if she approached me and said due to the wedding,x y and z would it be ok to re-schedule this money i owe you. She really is taking the biscuit if she hasnt tried to speak to you about delaying the repayments. She is taking the pee out of you, and i would be annoyed in your shoes. Obviously if things had changed ie loss of job or whatever then thats another issue, but all seems the same except a wedding is now planned

DON79

sadly I think you will ending up letting this go - I have done something similar and lent a smaller amount to my sister - it really rankled me that she part repaid me but then she was spending a couple of nights in London going to see a show and going out for dinner etc etc and then she bought herself a new notebook/laptop but I didn't set any deadline etc for her to pay it back so its upto her really if she feels obligated at all to repay me.

Later what made it worse was we agreed a sum each to be spent on a friends present and i transferred the money to her, I only found out later that she spent only about two thirds of the money on the "present" which made me mad initially but when challenged she insisted she had spent what I gave her on the present. e.g. agreed spend £60 - item bought £20 & cash given £20 - £20 missing....

I was angry and it hurt my feelings but I have had to let it go as I love my sister still but next time will be sorting the present out myself.

Fang_3

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

Actually it was a joint decision that we could no longer share a car when we have both moved out of our parents house and now live at different ends of the city. So to say I have caused the situation is wrong.

And surely I've been unselfish as it was me who let her keep the existing car, I had to buy a new car, not her. As I have mentioned before, if it was the other way round she would be constantly asking me for the money. I may seem selfish for wanting the money she is due me, but to me £550 is not a throw-away amount of money. I haven't demanded any money from her and I haven't asked for it all at once, it was agreed she would pay an amount monthly. Not a set amount as she is a student, but at least something.

Also, it is her decision to get married, so I don't see how that can be my fault. This agreement was made before she got engaged.

Really? Funny how you didn't mention that in your OP and infact said the opposite.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

When this agreement was made we were meant to be going to Florida for a family holiday in September 2011, and I had said that as long as the money was all paid by then it didn't matter how she paid it, as it would be my spending money saved up for the holiday.

You made an agreement, and it is you that isn't sticking to it, not her. You haven't a leg to stand on. I think it's obvious that there's so much more going on here than £550. Could it be that she's happy and planning her wedding and you feel that, as the older sister, you should be doing it first, and you're jealous of her? You now want to ruin her plans because you're jealous. Grow up or you could lose your sister.

noapron

Well as you shouldn't lend to family and friends, perhaps it's time to point out to her that you are paying some interest on your student loan, and from your point of view you are subsidising her wedding to the tune of ten pounds a week plus any accruing interest for the next forty weeks. If she is spending a great deal on the big day and honeymoon, then it would have been more sisterly of her to factor in her loan payments to you which compared to her wedding/honeymoon costs are probably chicken feed.You also have to ask yourself, if on her return, there will be other money priorities, which means she will still not want to return your cash then. I don't think £400 is worth a family rift but it is a large enough sum to want it back. It seems insensitive to be spending large amounts of cash, without making regular payments to you especially as they are small.

Pee

The money is due to you next September and originally you intended to treat it as savings, rather than to repay your debts. In the meantime your sister has an expensive time ahead of her, getting married, and you would now like the money sooner.

Actualy, i don't think you are being fair, even though I can see how the situation is frustrating, and presumably the student loan is one of the cheap government ones which means you would benefit little from paying it all off.

I think you will learn a lot more about budgeting by continuing with the original arrangement and then having some money next year for whatever you choose to do with it.

Better than have an argument if you want to change the conditions then discuss it with her and agree a token payment.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Fang wrote: »

Really? Funny how you didn't mention that in your OP and infact said the opposite.



You made an agreement, and it is you that isn't sticking to it, not her. You haven't a leg to stand on. I think it's obvious that there's so much more going on here than £550. Could it be that she's happy and planning her wedding and you feel that, as the older sister, you should be doing it first, and you're jealous of her? You now want to ruin her plans because you're jealous. Grow up or you could lose your sister.

Didn't mention what in my OP? As it is you who is making assumptions here I would appreciate if you could only give advice on the facts.

I am the younger sister, I've never mentioned ages or who is older...so please don't go fabricating stories.

And how is her saying she will repay something every month resulting in me not sticking to the agreement?! I told her I don't mind how she pays it, ie £10 a month or £50 a month (which she suggested and not me) or anything in between.

I have also told her that I wouldn't mind if she came to me and said 'I won't be able to afford anything this month' but every month she has said 'I'll be putting money in your account this month' and then nothing happens.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

lauren_1 wrote: »

How much did you both input in to the car to buy it and was it really worth the £1400 you say?

Who legally owns the car?

We paid £3500 for the car, split equally at £1750 each.

Yes we had the car valued by 3 different garages. As we got 3 slightly different quotes we agreed to take the average. So it was £1400 and then obviously we get half of that each since we both put the same amount in.

The car is now in her name.