Halls of Residence Dilemma

CapJ

pimento wrote: »

I'm getting lots of advice here and a bit of a bashing. My son isn't a mummy's boy at all, he's an independent lad who does what he wants, goes to festivals on his own (and has done since he was just 16) and two or three times a week goes to concerts in London (an hour away) on his own. I don't wear an apron, so he's not tied to the strings but I am a control freak and husband and son have got used to it over the years.

Once he goes, I won't be on his case all the time, but as neither his dad or me went to university, I just wanted to canvas some advice on here as there's usually loads of people who know what they're talking about. If it was up to him, he'd do nothing until results day and we'd be chasing around trying to find digs. If he did that, the world wouldn't end, but if he can be guided by a bit of advice, then why not? Isn't that a parent's job?

Incidentally, I haven't just taken over, he did ask for my help.

Thanks for all the ideas though, keep them coming!

Pimiento you keep supporting your son. There is absolutely nothing wrong in what you are doing from my perspective. It's actually easier to learn independence, self reliance, problem solving and most things you care to mention with supporting and loving parents. As long as your son (an adult) is happy with you (also an adult) helping him there cannot be a problem.

adelight

Does the uni have a facebook page where current students have spoken about the halls? It's truly worth getting him to have a quick trawl through facebook groups as other people will probably have asked the same questions of the catering. I know I've been answering lots of potential freshers' questions about my uni over facebook

I spent the first term of my first year in a private house share, and the rest in halls. Being thrown into the house share was horrible, it's extremely daunting being away from friends and family and having so many new problems to deal with and I felt really isolated from other students who were enjoying the first year experience together. Halls of residents is where your son will meet most of his friends and be eased into life away from home. Whilst self catered might be better, halls of residence are definitely the way to go and 86 per week is very reasnable!

NEH

I think this is more about haivng to make a decision and the huge life change that is going to happen to him either way...I think the halls thing is a bit of an excuse iyswim, if anything it's a way of him saying mum i'm a little bit nervous about the whole thing....

I presume he is happy to go to uni and he has looked at the other options and decided that uni is the best one?

As for cooking if he really didn't want to take the meals then you can get a decent enough microwave that is also a convection oven if that was allowed in his room...If it's a case of pasta and sauce, well one saucepan on the hob and your done.

gillys

Sorry if I am repeating any other posts (haven't got time to read entire thread at the moment). The halls in question are on the Milton side of Portsmouth and may seem like a million miles away - however, Portsea Island is tiny and in reality it is possible to walk everywhere if all else fails.
The free uni bus seems to run every 2 mins around town during the day and late into the night. Portsmouth is totally flat (until you get right out to the suburbs where students are unlikely to venture) and perfect for a bike....loads of cycle lanes now. A taxi from Gunwharf or the Guildhall, locations of the main student nightlife in the first year, would be very cheap even on student income. By the 2nd year loads of students choose to live out over towards the Milton/Fratton side anyway and their social life extends beyond the city centre ...into Southsea (and towards Milton).
Hope that helps and as I said, sorry if repeating stuff others have posted.

fridge_raider

What I don't understand is why people think that he won't make many friends in private student accommodation. You live in a flat with about 4 or 5 other people on average, and with a lot of flats in a large building, you meet loads of people during your first couple of weeks alone.

pimento

My son is like me. He'll have absolutely no trouble making friends. Shy he isn't.

He's going to accept the halls offered.

Thanks everyone for your help. No doubt i'll be back asking other questions later on.

flossy_splodge

kai666 wrote: »

Sorry, no offence intended. Just at that age my mum wouldn't have made those sorts of phone calls for me and come onto the internet to sort it out for me. I would have been mortified had my mum plastered such things all over an internet forum. I had to sort things out for myself. I just think at that age you should be old and brave enough to get on the phone yourself.

i know you are doing what you think is best. But at some point he needs to do things for himself.

Going to festivals and concerts in london isn't quite the same as taking responsibility, making your own decisions and sorting things out for yourself

But everyone is different and the point at which they feel able to cope will be different.
As long as parents are aware of letting them take the decisions they are ready to take then no problem
So your generalisation about 'at that age you should' is silly as people are all so different.

mum2one

Good luck with the start at Uni - just a thought as be mum kitting him out, as the others have said, don't buy expensive things - best bet look round sales, Argos - they've got an end of cat sale and some good baragins- whether u want saucepans, quilts etc, check what is supplied, another good place is Dunelm, they do student kit - quilt, pillow etc, just get cheap and cheerful, it get dirty, broken, ripped, so not worth wasteing too much money. I think its good that he's asked your advice, it sounds like he's got a gd head on a young shoulders and is a credit to you. xx

stephyt23

Just been reading through all the comments on here, I hope everything works out for him. Going to uni is a daunting experience especially if you've never been away from home for a long period of time. I started uni last year but it's close enough for me to drive (takes about an hour but it does mean a VERY early start each day) so I still live at home. My brother moved away when he went to uni and quickly made friends so was able to private rent with them the last two years. He did try and persuade me to move away and live on campus but my uni is no where near as nice as his was, plus i'm older so really didn't want to be with 18 year olds for 3 years.

funtime.franki_2

Hey

My advice would be to drag your son kicking and screaming into that hall of residence because:

1) The bus is free so distance shouldn't be an issue. He has the excuse to be lazy when hungover/tired not to walk/crawl to lectures. SCORE!

2) Show him your food bills. Make sure he realises how expensive food is. Tell him how food prices are shooting up - meat is v. expensive, espec for a young lad with all that growing they do. Not sure if this applies to him but may be able to save up the vouchers if he misses meals.

3) His cooking facilities sound better than those provided in some self-catered student accomodation that I've seen!!!! He could probably cook everything short of a roast dinner, and who cooks a roast dinner for one anyways?!

4) It will be virtually impossible for him to find private accomodation/feed himself for less than £86/WEEK.

5) Finally, most importantly. It's important for him to make friends and living in halls for the first year is the best way to do this. Your son sounds very independent but I will guarentee when he beds down on his second or third night away he will feel very alone and very overwhelmed - he doesn't need the added worry of additional utilities and bills during this time.

Do let us know how you get on!