Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts ...

benbenandme

I have started looking but can't really say anything yet to prepare him in case that bit doesn't happen, he may be found not guilty or even just get community service etc if he is guilty, in which case ds doesn't need to know too much about it.
However, if it does happen at least its in the holidays and I have some time to settle him to the idea before school kicks in again

tigzem

No real advice hun, you're doing a fantastic job with DS. I'm sorry this is all happening. You know where I am if you want to chat. We need to sort a date soon anyway.

ps - you looked fab the other day

benbenandme

Thankyou Tigz Well today has been a bit better; ds seems to have had a better day at school although I didn't get to chat to his teacher, but am guessing thats a good thing He had cricket after school, then a friend round for tea, then we went out on the bikes for a bit. After that I have tidied the flat a bit although theres still plenty to be done there ....

Ds did say tonight "Is it true that daddy didn't have any money this weekend or is it because its his g'f's birthday tomorrow?" ... even he can see straight through him :cool:

In other news, I just won a tenner on a games offer :T Am currently thinking about putting the mortgage free dream on hold and moving any extra money/winnings into a separate pot and just using it for stuff ... school uniforms, days out in the holidays, just general stuff, to save me watching every single penny that goes out, cos right now I'm exhausted with it all I need to give it some thought as the mf dream has been there for so long that it will be hard to give it up, but for now I wonder if it should go aside for a while and just concentrate on us having fun for a bit??

benbenandme

Morning all. The sun is shining and today will be a better day

The plan for today involves lots of little bitty jobs; going to the library, paying in some cheques, posting a parcel, food shopping, ds homework etc, but also visiting friends and having some other friends round tonight

I have also bought a set of handweights from Asda (reduced to £7) as i have been looking out for some for ages and was going to get them for my birthday, so at least whenever I get back to shredding I will have the proper weights now

hypno06

Ok, so I know the circumstances surrounding it are very different, but as you know, last year I too had that big change in my life and had to make some pretty big decisions about how we start to live it, after so many years of paying down the debt, and grabbing every mystery shop, survey and games offer I could find......

It was always my intention to continue to fight and to pay down the mortgage in the same way - to be mortgage free on a property like mine by 50, given the huge back foot we were placed on with the debt was going to be an amazing achievement.

However.....of course, things changed.....down to one salary (my contribution from XOH is negligable), children growing up, and my need to stay sane and happy, given that I am not entirely sure I had been either for many years.

That means that the money I would have overpaid now contributes to "life" - and we are enjoying that life. The children and I have fun, we are more relaxed, the house is less stressed. I don't chase mystery shops any more and stress when I can't upload my answers onto the survey - I don't snap at the children when they are trying to talk to me while I am looking for football odds on a midweek match, etc etc etc.

If I do those things, it is now because they result in "fun" things - so the act of doing them is more relaxed too - it is a want not a need. The same with my teaching - the rule is that teaching money buys me shoes and handbags.....! If I don't teach, no stress, it is not essential. If I do, it buys me a fabby new Radley at the end of a day's workshop

My attitude has changed completely - I am still MSE through and through - I still budget, I try not to waste, I know that if I drink up before the last bus I can save £15 on a taxi.....my slowcooker is on as we speak etc etc etc, but the way I allocate my funds, and consider them as "essential" has changed. For the better. My children would both agree.

I don't expect any contribution from my ex - when I asked him last year to buy DS a pair of school trousers, the response was such that I knew never to bother again.....IF, however (and it is a very big IF) I ever got anything unexpected from him by way of financial help, it would be well spent and well used. I'm not going to waste my energy in thinking about it though - all that would do is to wind me up, and that is not what I am all about nowadays.

Like I say, the money is still tight - my new man was quite horrified when I let slip the amount of my mortgage payment each month, and how I manage to have such a good standard of living despite it. Heaven only knows what he would have thought if he had known me 5 years ago......!!! But the fact is that my balance is right, for now, that may or may not change over the next 12 months, the next 5 years, who knows,......and when it needs to, I will adapt.

I bet my mortgage will still be paid off early. As will yours. But in the meantime, life is there for living - not in the out and out wild ways, necessarily, but as you say not having to stress about school trips, days out, every ice cream bought etc etc etc.

I've rambled a bit - but you get the gist.......!

Smart_Mart

One of the best posts I've ever seen on here....:T

My circumstances are nothing like either of you but I gave up chasing every little penny two or three years ago. Yes, my financial situation could be improved by working more hours and at weekends, but I'm proud of the fact that since I split up with the twins' mum, I've had the boys every single weekend bar none! I would have been richer working but I wouldn't have had such a close relationship with them and shared special times such as football matches, cricket matches, holidays and days out.

At the end of the day, it's obviously your call, BB, but I'd be a little more selfish and enjoy today more while still saving towards tomorrow.

Alisonpennypincher

Hey BB,

Longtime lurker popping up again!

So sorry to hear that you are having a tough time right now. I know it is hard when you are in the middle of it all but it will pass and you WILL come out the other side (however far away it may be) and you can look back and say "i survived, I did it".

Just thought i would give you my opinion re the mortgage thing as i know this will be such a hard thing for you to do and am sure every thought helps! I think you should give yourself a break from it, even if you try for the next couple of months so you can kick back during the school holidays, and then go back to it during the school term.

Hypno manages to put it much better than i can, but i agree with everything she said above. Enjoy life for a bit (although i think you provide a wonderful life for you and DS already) but take away the stress of counting every penny, you don't have to stop being frugal all together but just loosen the belt a bit maybe?

My example is this, we are striving to be MF too, our balance at the mo is quite small and i know most people would give their right arm to be in this position. But i still count the pennies, buy from approved foods, cook bulk meals, buty for Xmas in Jan, and all the MSE stuff you can think of. I also just redecorated our entire lounge and re carpeted which was bloddin hard work so as a treat i splashed out £600:eek: on a Bose sound system!!:D

It's about balance, and what works for you right here, right now, if that means a month or a year or even 5 years out of overpaying the mortgage then kick back and enjoy it.

Sorry - have rambled and taken up your thread, when all i could have said really is; go for it, give it a try - if it does not work for you then go back to it!

Have a fabby weekend! I am off to Ikea to spend even more money!

chevalier

You have weight to lose, budgets to balance, a potential court case involving DS dad, and him going to jail, issues with DS at school, a hard job, looking out for your dad and mum etc etc etc

Do you see where I am going with this? You have SO MUCH on your plate, as well as being a single parent and you have been SO focussed. What is one of the things we say to newbies? About not burning out? After coming so far I would agree with hypno, take some time off.

If you feel guilty about it how about having the summer off? Let you recharge your batteries etc. Ok so you would add a few months onto your mfd. But if you come back to it refreshed, it may give you added impetus to tackle it harder, and so you will make up the short fall anyway.

chev

benbenandme

Thankyou all for the comments, I really do appreciate them :T :T
Yep, its decided, I'm having the summer off

I am still going to be doing the games offers / surveys etc, BUT the money will go into a separate pot and will be used on 'stuff' over the summer. It will be spent on stuff such as ... school uniform / haircut, days out, ice-creams, extra petrol for trips out, some nice food or meals out, hiring a carpet shampooer .... just general bits and pieces but stuff that usually the budget doesn't stretch far enough for.

The car has its mot on monday so I will know then how bad the damage is from that, and can then start planning. But it will be planning without the pressure I am planning on doing a car boot over the summer (don't get the time otherwise), but again any profits will go into the summer fund

Once we go back to school and the court stuff is over with I can decide then whether to go back to the mortgage free stuff. Whatever happens I won't be able to reach my goal by my 40th anyway, but in the last 4 years my mortgage has gone down from £60k to under £30k so its all been good :T
So its mortgage-free time-out for now. Not sure how hard I will find it, I do like seeing the difference it makes each time I put some more into the pot Lets see ...

benbenandme

Other stuff .... quite a productive morning so far today;

Ds has done half of his homework, I have done one load of washing, emptied the dishwasher, refilled it, been to the bank and paid in some cheques, paid my ground rent, posted off two parcels, and been to the library to join the summer reading challenge for ds, who is currently sat on the sofa working his way through a new Horrid Henry book

When we got back postie has been and has delivered me a big box of Persil non-bio from a survey site to test, its the one I normally use anyway and is probably about £5 worth :T