Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts ...

benbenandme

Thanks Tigz, they suggested referring him on to camhs as his behaviour is deteriorating (sp?) rapidly at school recently I know he needs help, I have tried everything I can think of with him, his teacher says the same, I just don't know what else to do with him anymore You've seen how he can lose the plot totally over nothing, they think its worse because of everything going on with his dad, he doesn't know all the details about it but knows enough to be unsettled. He has no self-esteem whatsoever and is just so angry and frustrated all the time

benbenandme

So I get a call from him, saying the csa have been chasing him tonight ... and that he wanted to update me on the situation ... that he doesn't owe me £700+ after all and their calculations are wrong, that he has paid me more than I should have had before and that they keep threatening him with bailiffs and its unfair .... told him I'm not interested and to sort it out with them not me .....

Then, just when I thought we were done, he drops the "Oh, and I can't have ds this weekend as I have no money and can't afford to come and get him, sorry if it messes with your plans" ....
Doesn't have the decency to tell ds though, no, leaves that one for me ....

Keeping_Motivated

Did you tell him about CAHMS? And did you ask him what he intends to tell DS and help him cope if the worst happens at court?

maid_in_cornwall

My son has episodes of being really nasty, especially towards his siblings. I have worked it out that it is the times that he is growing. He doesn't seem to be able to grow and behave. He isn't bad at school. but seems to bottle it all up and then explode when he comes home. He's just come out of a 6 week strop but I have measured him and he has grown over an inch in 6 weeks.

You are doing a fab job bringing him up, no thanks to his useless dad. Kids do pick up a lot more than we realise, but hopefully you can get some help with his behaviour.

Don't be embarrassed about asking for help, I even called the truancy officier to come visit once when he was refusing to go to school! The look on my son's face was priceless, almost as good as the truancy officier who had never been asked to visit anywhere by a parent!

benbenandme

KM - he doens't know anything about the camhs stuff, in fact he knows nothing about his life or his education whatsoever, wouldn't even know his teachers name I am not allowed to discuss the court stuff in any way with him so can't even mention it or the effect on ds :cool:

MIC - thats an interesting idea and he has actually grown loads recently Hopefully he'll stop again soon then

dangers

If the worst comes to the worst then will visits be stopping for a while? Does he know about the court and that the date is coming up soon?

Just another thought, how does your ds cope with his grandad being so poorly?

benbenandme

if the 'worst' happens (I actually think it would be for the best), then ds isn't aware yet that he wont see him. He knows things are gonna happen soon but isn't aware of the finer details. If the worst does happen then ds may not see him for a year or two ....

Ds is dead good with my dad, he's very caring to him and really looks out for him :A

Keeping_Motivated

Benben will you be expected to let him have visiting rights if the worst does happen?

benbenandme

As far as I know I won't have to; not a lot he can do about it then anyway

Keeping_Motivated

Lol good...

Not sure what you are intending to tell DS but if he doesn't cope with change maybe it would help to start doing some research and finding advice from the experts so you can prepare him and help him cope so he has a supported transition to the change rather than thats it you won't be seeing daddy for a while (I know you won't say it like that) and it be a shock.

This is a lot for you to deal with I do feel for you but (without wanting to sound patronising) from your posts you the kind of parent who will do the right thing and support DS the best way, but look after YOU too because emotionally it will/is taking its toll so take care x