Divorce - You NEVER know!!

squirrelchops

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

I would give my husband half over everything if we divorce, we both view everything as 'ours'

Why should OH have to give me things he worked hard for, for 5 years before he met me? Why should I give him half of my inheritance from family property we have owned for 150 years??????

Don't get me wrong we are incredibly generous to each other but a ring does not automatically mean either of us, as individuals forgets how to function when not in a couple.

AND as others have said, in the messiness of divorce with often bitter feelings there (not always of course) the whole 'I would give them half of everything' actually ends up being bo***cks.

mackemdave

Fang wrote: »

No you can't. It will be included in the marital property or whatever the term is.

You may even see your soon to be ex getting 60 or 70% of it.....but she would get a minimum of 50%

clearingout

lauren_1 wrote: »

But why would that fall on your husband though?

every divorce is different, granted. I can only tell you my situation. My ex had been having an affair for sometime - at least 2 years - possibly more. When he left, I was just pregnant with our third child (still don't know how that happened!) and the expectation was he paid for nothing (I had one day's paid work a week at that point) and I kept myself and our two, soon to be three, children in our marital home which had been purchased way back in the day on 2 full time wages. I was also expected to pay back marital debt. In the meantime, he moved in with his girlfriend, gave her a salary from our family business and a company car, they have taken 3 holidays in 12 months, numerous weekends away, spa days, threatre breaks, wearing new clothes all the time, and they installed a hot tub. You get the picture.

I do not expect my now ex-husband to 'keep me'. But he needs to contribute fairly to the costs involved in having three children - and he doesn't, not at all. CSA struggling to get anything from him as a result of loop-holes around self employment. As it was, I had to take him to court to get an Order to pay the mortgage which he did on and off for the first 12 months and for the past 8 months, it hasn't been paid at all. I now work up to 14 hours a week as this is what I have been able to secure and manage the needs of three small children. I made sacrifices in my marriage for my husband to pursue his self-employment and business dreams. My career was put on hold so our children had a mother at home - a joint decision. My earning power is significantly reduced as a result.

If I hadn't made a claim on a property my ex owned before he met me (it was held in our joint names, however), I would not have been able to 'move on'. As it is, my family are contributing over a third of the cost to ensure that we are re-housed appropriately in an area similar to that which our children are used to, in reach of good schools. I can't get a mortgage as a direct result of the ex not prioritising his spending (if you can afford holidays and a salary for the girlfriend, you can afford to pay your mortgage, I don't care what anyone says) and am lucky to be buying outright. Yes, I could have rented but that would have ensured a substantial lump sum was wasted away within about 6 years and I would have had nothing to show for years of hard work put into a partnership I had no choice in the end of!

As far as the law is concerned, it attempts to send both parties back out into the world as single people on a roughly equal footing. I earn far less than my ex and I take the care of the children seriously - his holidays and hot tub make it quite clear that he doesn't. Something, somewhere, has to 'give' to even things up for the sake of the children. Or are you suggesting that I should simply hand the children to my ex and his girlfriend and walk away with nothing? That they are better parents than me because they can put a roof over their heads and I can't?

As someone above said, it is impossible to look at a divorce situation when you are in a happy marriage with anything other than cynically. Seriously, I hope it never happens to you or someone you care about. But if my experiences are anythign to go by, you sure as hell have no idea what is just around the corner...

lauren_1

clearingout wrote: »

every divorce is different, granted. I can only tell you my situation. My ex had been having an affair for sometime - at least 2 years - possibly more. When he left, I was just pregnant with our third child (still don't know how that happened!) and the expectation was he paid for nothing (I had one day's paid work a week at that point) and I kept myself and our two, soon to be three, children in our marital home which had been purchased way back in the day on 2 full time wages. I was also expected to pay back marital debt. In the meantime, he moved in with his girlfriend, gave her a salary from our family business and a company car, they have taken 3 holidays in 12 months, numerous weekends away, spa days, threatre breaks, wearing new clothes all the time, and they installed a hot tub. You get the picture.

I do not expect my now ex-husband to 'keep me'. But he needs to contribute fairly to the costs involved in having three children - and he doesn't, not at all. CSA struggling to get anything from him as a result of loop-holes around self employment. As it was, I had to take him to court to get an Order to pay the mortgage which he did on and off for the first 12 months and for the past 8 months, it hasn't been paid at all. I now work up to 14 hours a week as this is what I have been able to secure and manage the needs of three small children. I made sacrifices in my marriage for my husband to pursue his self-employment and business dreams. My career was put on hold so our children had a mother at home - a joint decision. My earning power is significantly reduced as a result.

If I hadn't made a claim on a property my ex owned before he met me (it was held in our joint names, however), I would not have been able to 'move on'. As it is, my family are contributing over a third of the cost to ensure that we are re-housed appropriately in an area similar to that which our children are used to, in reach of good schools. I can't get a mortgage as a direct result of the ex not prioritising his spending (if you can afford holidays and a salary for the girlfriend, you can afford to pay your mortgage, I don't care what anyone says) and am lucky to be buying outright. Yes, I could have rented but that would have ensured a substantial lump sum was wasted away within about 6 years and I would have had nothing to show for years of hard work put into a partnership I had no choice in the end of!

As far as the law is concerned, it attempts to send both parties back out into the world as single people on a roughly equal footing. I earn far less than my ex and I take the care of the children seriously - his holidays and hot tub make it quite clear that he doesn't. Something, somewhere, has to 'give' to even things up for the sake of the children. Or are you suggesting that I should simply hand the children to my ex and his girlfriend and walk away with nothing? That they are better parents than me because they can put a roof over their heads and I can't?



As someone above said, it is impossible to look at a divorce situation when you are in a happy marriage with anything other than cynically. Seriously, I hope it never happens to you or someone you care about. But if my experiences are anythign to go by, you sure as hell have no idea what is just around the corner...

Yes of course, i am completely suggesting that:rotfl:. Well actually I was trying to ask why you felt you had any entitlement to what was his before the marriage, you answered it.

mackemdave

squirrelchops wrote: »

Why should OH have to give me things he worked hard for, for 5 years before he met me? Why should I give him half of my inheritance from family property we have owned for 150 years??????

Simple... because you are married and marriage is a PARTNERSHIP....did you not listen to the marriage vows.

clearingout

lauren_1 wrote: »

Yes of course, i am completely suggesting that:rotfl:. Well actually I was trying to ask why you felt you had any entitlement to what was his before the marriage, you answered it.

apologies - am somewhat sensitive. In the process of packing up my home and with it everything I had ever wanted. All gone. New life beckons - got to work on making it work. It's very hard, believe me.

swiss69

I dont think inheritances should come into divorce settlements.

Is it fair if lets say womans parents die leaving her £250,000. They have no other assets. A year later they divorce...Hubby gets £125,000. six months later his parents die. He gets another £250,000 so he ends up with £375,000 and she with £125,000?

Another issue is what happens when someone remarries and acquires a ready made family? Lets say Mr X who has his own child with an ex partner inherits £250k. He is now married to new wife who has her own child from previous relationship. He dies 6 months later. New family get the lot whilst son from previous gets nothing (Unless he made a will which only 2 in every 8 people have and they are mostly elderly)- Is that what the grandparents would have wanted?

Making a Will is vital if you dont want to leave a mess behind.

Steel_2

swiss69 wrote: »

I dont think inheritances should come into divorce settlements.

Is it fair if lets say womans parents die leaving her £250,000. They have no other assets. A year later they divorce...Hubby gets £125,000. six months later his parents die. He gets another £250,000 so he ends up with £375,000 and she with £125,000?

Yes. Because they were married when her parents died, therefore it is marital money, and divorced (single) when his parents died.

Just tough luck. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

If you don't want your money to go into a shared pot for the good of you both, don't get married.

But don't get married knowing the way the legal system works regarding the splitting of assests and then complain it is unfair. That's called having rose tinted glasses and false expectations.

I expect everything I earn, invest or inherit to go towards our life together and so does he.

Hoarding money builds up resentments over the years that can split the foundation of a marriage.

clearingout

swiss69 wrote: »

I dont think inheritances should come into divorce settlements.

Is it fair if lets say womans parents die leaving her £250,000. They have no other assets. A year later they divorce...Hubby gets £125,000. six months later his parents die. He gets another £250,000 so he ends up with £375,000 and she with £125,000?

.

so....read my situation above. Let's throw in my ex inheriting £250K just prior to him leaving me. He goes off and buys a huge house in a great area with good schools. He gets half of everything we own leaving me with about £75k to rehouse myself in the South East - I have three children so need three bedrooms. He has messed with my credit rating so I can't get a mortgage. I can't claim housing benefit because I have too much cash in the bank so it gets used on rent. After a few years, my settlement is worth nothing and I will struggle to maintain a poor lifestyle ino my old age. Mum is bitter as hell and the children have to live with on-going difficulties between mum and dad because mum just can't let it go....

Let's assume in lieu of his inheritence, my ex gives up any right to a divorce settlement, leaving me with £150k to purchase - still very, very difficult to manage in this area but I might get a two bed house (kids all the same sex so I guess that's acceptable) and I come away with a secure roof over my head, nothing else. Mum is still fed up but accepts she is at least secure. Dad is pretty miffed he got nothing out of the divorce but is at least happy in getting one over on the ex as his house is bigger and better. Kids experience some conflict but could be worse...

Or, ex gives up his right to a settlement, gives me £50k of his inheritence and we live in close proximity to each other in roughly the same value houses (he has a girlfriend so they have two full time wages coming in, I am only part-time) and our children have the benefit of joint-parenting. Granted, their father will be bitter about what he had to give the ex wife but they at least aren't squashed into one room whilst their father and his new lady and her family are swishing around in a nice detached! Mum manages and the children get treats and live a reasonable life, mum isnt' bitter at all.

If you're a judge, what would you decide? Which scenario is fair? All three of these scenarios could be the result of court proceedings - depends on the judge on the day!

euronorris

crakkers wrote: »

Quite obviously a massive gender issue here!

I did not realise woman can be so veminous and see its as a right not to work for a living and sponge off hubby, often using children as the excuse!!


As I said, NOT getting divorced, but I'm glad I NOT married to some of the woman in this thread as we would not have lasted half as long as I have with my wife!!!! I hope those concerned win the lotto and give their winnings to their OH straight away!! FAT CHANCE it sounds!

Although many magnaminous females who are very nubile!!

Oh well, I wonder what nag:rotfl: is running in the 3:30 at Kepmton, might as well have a go eh!

I think the issue most people had with your post is that you can't have much faith in your marriage if a) you're thinking about what will happen to the money if you divorce, b) you're discussing the issue with your wife and c) it appears that your first thought was how to protect the money rather than how to invest, or how you could share it with your wife and/or family. B suggests that you are hiding it from her, which is a much bigger issue in itself and C suggests that you don't want to share any of it with her at all, which again, suggests a bigger issue.

If you really feel that this money should be earmarked just for you, in the event of divorce, then discuss it with your wife and speak to a solicitor. Have something drawn up and hey presto, all sorted (as much as can be). You've been honest with the wife and the money is as protected as can be.

But, that's just my view and how you've come accross to me, with the limited information you've supplied.