Living separately?

gemma1979

DX2 wrote: »

Very confusing set up for the kids, no?

Well maybe so but no more confusing than living with daddy the way he is at the moment (severely schizophrenic) and the way the atmosphere/arguing/stress is at home?? It has been psychologically proven that two parents living apart happy are better than two living together miserable. In an ideal world, they would have two parents living together/married AND happy. If we split up and had no relationship at all this is no different than being amicable/dating from the childrens perspective.

divastrop

gemma1979 wrote: »

Well maybe so but no more confusing than living with daddy the way he is at the moment (severely schizophrenic) and the way the atmosphere/arguing/stress is at home?? It has been psychologically proven that two parents living apart happy are better than two living together miserable. In an ideal world, they would have two parents living together/married AND happy. If we split up and had no relationship at all this is no different than being amicable/dating from the childrens perspective.

I think you have your head screwed on the right way and are doing what you feel is best for the children. I hope your OH is getting the help he needs to get his head sorted.

gemma1979

divastrop wrote: »

I think you have your head screwed on the right way and are doing what you feel is best for the children. I hope your OH is getting the help he needs to get his head sorted.

Finally!! Someone who realises I am just considering all options in a difficult situation!!

It seems to me, that it is inconceivable to many people on here that someone can find themselves on benefits from a variety of circumstances other than they are just out to con the state/taxpayer and scrounge all day long!! There also seems to be a thread of opinion on various other posts whereby some posters seem to think that because a person is on benefits they are automatically of low intelligence!! The best of it is the people making these generalisations think they are intelligent yet are so unbelievably ignorant!

Deepmistrust

gemma1979 wrote: »

Finally!! Someone who realises I am just considering all options in a difficult situation!!

It seems to me, that it is inconceivable to many people on here that someone can find themselves on benefits from a variety of circumstances other than they are just out to con the state/taxpayer and scrounge all day long!! There also seems to be a thread of opinion on various other posts whereby some posters seem to think that because a person is on benefits they are automatically of low intelligence!! The best of it is the people making these generalisations think they are intelligent yet are so unbelievably ignorant!

you have to realise a lot of people read the Daily Mail, and are self-declared keyboard warriers too.

If you split, and alive apart, too all intents and purposes you are single.

These people are not the benefits people, to even consider their hardline view as such, is an insult to the benefits people. Even the benefits people realise the complexity of peoples lives. The trick is as long as you are upfront with them, and get it all in writing, you can't go wrong.

Leave the high horses to the people that need them;)

gemma1979

Deepmistrust wrote: »

you have to realise a lot of people read the Daily Mail, and are self-declared keyboard warriers too.

If you split, and alive apart, too all intents and purposes you are single.

These people are not the benefits people, to even consider their hardline view as such, is an insult to the benefits people. Even the benefits people realise the complexity of peoples lives. The trick is as long as you are upfront with them, and get it all in writing, you can't go wrong.

Leave the high horses to the people that need them;)

LOL

I suppose these people are entitled to their views just like anyone else, and there seems to be a lot of people around at the moment with these sorts of opinions.

However, just because someone holds a particular view doesnt mean it cannot be challenged: people are too quick to see controversial areas in black and white; yet in many there are grey areas.

To me, the UK benefits system is flawed - it was under Labour, and it still is under the coalition government.

The coalition government are basically trying to cut costs and claim the genuinely in need won't be affected by the various changes yet the work shy will hence receiving a lot of public backing but it is inevitable in reality that the genuinely in need will indeed suffer along with the work shy. This is because the system is not flexible enough, not subjective enough to distinguish between the two.

Radical reform needs to be made in this area and the whole system needs to be looked at as to what is going wrong here.

The Government needs to find a way to change the whole of society's attitudes towards benefits and working. People should be encouraged to work where it is reasonable to do so; there needs to be a better work ethic - rewarding the people who go out to work. Benefits should no longer be a lifestyle choice: they should be there when needed. The people who genuinely need benefits at some point in their lives due to circumstances beyond their control for whatever period of time should be able to do so until their circumstances change and they can return to work without being penalised because of a minority of people wanting to scam the system. The system needs to recognise people as individuals and react accordingly depending on each persons particular individual circumstances rather than relying on hard and fast rules. The JCP/DWP advisers should be given wider discretion so decisions can be more subjective. For example, many JCP/DWP staff have an educated idea when they meet a person signing on benefits whether that person is genuinely in need or has no intention of ever working by said person's attitude and circumstances so why shouldn't the system be able to reflect this? What I am saying is it is in most cases should be quite easy to weed out individuals who are costing the public purse a fortune and have no reasonable excuse to be doing so from someone who is there through no fault of their own and who wants to get back on their feet. The rigidity of the system is failing everyone.